losing friends
seems like a past time
these days
anyways

food for thought

.

it's been a month or two
what once happened everyday is gone
you're trapped babe, you don't even see it
maybe you miss me as much as i miss you
but how can that be true
you would've called, wouldn't you?

maybe you've changed

maybe you're better off without me
but i don't understand love
how you don't miss the memories?
of shared cigarettes
washed down with the bitter taste of vodka

yet even that doesn't taste

as bitter

as this

.

i forgave you in the end

I want to cry
I want to scream
But I won’t do it
I want to laugh instead
I need to laugh instead
I should laugh instead
I’m going to laugh instead

What do I deserve
How strong am I really
What do I deserve
How blessed am I really
What do I deserve
How privileged am I really
I know how much
I know how much
I know how much

I feel everything you do
But it looks like I’m numb
Or maybe it’s that I don’t feel
At least not the way you can

I want to be your shoulder
I want to be your heart
I want to cry for you
I want to inspire you
But how can I
When I only think of myself

No I’m not going to cry
And I know the reason why
I know what I deserve
And it’s not my own tears
It’s not my own tears
It’s only yours
Because I did it to you
Because life did it to you
And I’m still here
The same as ever
How can I cry
When you beat me to it?

I look at the sun and sky
I squint not in cynical repose
It’s just that it hurts
It’s that simple sometimes
I know why things happened
I was there the whole time
I can take it
I can take being wrong
I can take being strong
Because I am
I am because I can cry
But not about me
Not about me
Only about you
I can cry about you
Even walking the streets
Like being asleep with my eyes open
I can cry
And they won’t know it
Because it’s on the inside
And they think my eyes are red
Because I stared at the sun
And I did
Yes I did
You were the one who burned me
So why do I keep looking up?

But I’ve not had enough
I won’t sink too far
I like to swim
I won’t tell anyone how deep
They might try to save me
I know how long I can hold my breath
Maybe it’s that we’re in the same place
And if you see me then you know
You know how bad it is
Because that’s how bad it is for you
We can swim alone
Or together
But oceans aren’t for dying my friend
It’s only a place to fall
It’s the quiet life
Where everything can only stare
The way I am walking the streets
Dodging the light from above
Because I know it’s you

Saint Titus Jul 19
...

Resilient as you may be
I hope to find you as good as you were
When we were having the time of our lives

Tragic:
A never ending tale of woe
Bringing out the worst emotion
Erosion as the cancer grows
Over any limb no longer frozen

As if:
The diner is empty
Its nearly quarter to nine
Plenty of time, if you ask me
A new betrayal of the bloodline

Seconds pass:
The music slows
Departure of a soul, lost to Avalon
Are you still among the death throes?
Staring blankly at the wall, as time goes on

I miss you

Hey, wake up

I. Miss. You.


You alright?

...
Josh Jul 15

We sat on your bed
My arm around you
Other hand resting, on your leg
I laughed, and when
I looked at you
I smiled
You may wonder
Why?
Why I put my arm around you
Or smiled so
You may wonder
Though, you know
I am in love with you
It is because, I know
That we, will never be
And soon, you will leave
I am trying, desperately
For something, to hold on to
Something more, than memory, of you
So I put my arm around you

15 to love, still able to win,
gotta tough it out,
winning is everything. Losing's a sin.
I'll keep trying. I'm still in with a shout.

My backhand slices
the ball to my foe
(Joe's my friend but in a crisis,
I shift where the winds blow)

He parries, sends the ball to the line,
his touch is immaculate,
cleaner than mine.
I leap like a cat

return it with ease
he flicks it back over the net
intending to tease.
I grimace. We made a bet

and now I engage
into higher gear,
my brain fills with rage,
my heart fills with fear.

Advantage to me,
the crowd stands to cheer,
Joe falls to one knee,
buckled, losing a tear.

I volley. It whizzers
past his frozen form
he tries, but misses,
defeated, forelorn.

At last I have won,
the gold cup is mine,
another dream spun,
back to the factory line.

Julie C Smith Jul 12

I am the only real one under a bunch of plastic dolls
I don't have dreams, only goals
Still you treat me like plastic
And lock me up in the attic

Where did I lose my mind?
It's stuck in the past and nearly as blind
As you when you leave your future behind
Ain't life unkind?

With a familiar plan I have to start once again
This closed circle won't let me back in
Breaking the waves of the rising flood
Don't let them turn red by the colour of blood

Guess this was all part of the plan

I am losing my mind
In this cage of regrets
As I pace in the line
That I have worn into the dirt.

I am losing my sanity
While I dream
Of cotton candy clouds and
Brownie-ball trees.

I am losing my memories
As I look out a window
And ride on the top of a train
And scream my name to those who will listen.

I am losing the shadows
That used to haunt me
When I was asleep and
The night was awake.

I am finding friends
Sitting together in a bay window
While we watch the meteor shower
From the fire escape.

I am waiting to come home
After a long journey
Of which I have found friends
And the person behind "myself"

Jhonny Bravo Jul 4

Why do I keep telling myself that
everything is fine
and nothing is bothering?
It sincerely hurts,
Then I find myself thinking late at
night about the things I've lost.
It's hard counting the things you've lost when you don't have anymore fingers to keep counting with.

Julia Mae Jun 30

do you have any idea the amount of break up texts i have composed and written within the notes of my phone?
and i kept telling myself, that this time i would send it
yet i knew i was lying
over and over i spilled out the words
only to be unsent and deleted
maybe things need to be over with
if i'm pouring my heart out over break up words
instead of fixing things
because i know that you won't listen
i know that we are done for good
i know that things are unfixable

i can't
i can't admit it

been struggling to breakup for a long long time. I need to but I can't. Here you go. It's misery. We can't be fixed and I know it.
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