I've been lost in my head, I might outlast forever I know it's cliche and can play the part of a trigger But I don't feel safe, can't recall if I have ever Awake or asleep, it's the same nightmare Collectively we already know nothing in there fights fare And the fabric between the realities are threadbare and beginning to tare I can physically feel the line blur between what's fake and what I'll be held accountable for later Poetry, to me, is just me attempting to map out every square inch under my thing hair Behind eyes that can barely show they care In my fake grin, and between my left and right ear Taking caution not to ruffle a feather on the ****** of devil's on each shoulder I'm sure to discover rooms I haven't been in since I don't know when, oh dear, What's the year? Whatever Hey, what's in here? To dark to tell but oh do I know this smell all too well Unfairly familiar That putrid air Nothing can compare I'd recognize it anywhere What we have here is fear Maybe it'd be irresponsible of me to share Probably not a good idea to push much further Clear and present danger Nothing's properly put together Can't make sense of the clutter Extra pieces from every fixture Litter the ground next to the broken glass from every family picture Shattered dreams scattered everywhere I know what it looks like but there's not an interesting story here I can assure it was no thrilling adventure But I can not ensure a safe future No one should witness the part of me, the litny of every nasty memory, everything I was forced to locked away in there It's my headspace and I'm even too afraid to enter I thought the scar meant it healed but then how's this door ajar? What's going on here?
familiar this bubble of emptiness comfortable as a womb pain plays hide and seek my hands are free to write this hybrid creature that is me fantasy and reality share a reciprocity I am metabolized by my dreams and so I become the aperture of the heart open as ever to catch the murmuration of silence of longing and forgetting circles inside echoes inside circles
You see me You free me And every time you take me back-
"A hint of light in the dark (I always know)
Only enough to keep from giving up (you're never too far, cause) If I could go back to the start; (wherever you go) Id break the pattern- (We're under the same stars.) -before too late."
You change bodies Sporting each soul, Their trivialities vs. True athenticity How it tesselates each role; As if I wouldn't notice it Always, so open ended; Every word written - Every artwork made; Each specific song - Either listened to or played
after years of pondering in musty libraries and public bathrooms and on my bedroom floor i think i finally understand why the face staring back at me in the mirror is so unfamiliar
i am not my dark eyes, i am not my crooked nose, i am not my thin lips, i am not my rosy cheeks
no, i am the hairstyle that my mother taught me how to do before middle school started so that i could take care of myself i am the love poems that run through my head all day because language is so wonderful and you are so wonderful and sometimes i can't help but experience certain compositions as many times as possible i am the friendship bracelet that i wear on my wrist that matches with my best friend who would never wear a bracelet in a million years but did it for me i am the whirlpool of love that exists behind my eyes that shy glances and awkward eye contact put there
i see myself in my fingers mindlessly tapping out rhythms from my favorite songs, not in my tears, but i see myself in everything i mourn for
i see myself in the money i saved from my grandmother's funeral three years ago because i am too attached to part from it, not in my smile, but i see myself in my inability to keep a straight face when someone laughs at my jokes
the years of pondering in musty libraries and public bathrooms and on my bedroom floor was worth it because i see myself in those too, more doodles in the margins of the storybook of my life
in the end, i became who i am because of you
humans are but mosaics of the people around them ;;; we are such little seeds if not watered by loved ones