You simply cannot understand The extent of all of the things I wish to do All of which with you The list goes on and on So darling take my hand And together I will show you The wonders within my wildest of dreams
- Jay M April 5th, 2021
Places to go, things to see, and who knows what else lies ahead. All I know for sure is; it's you and me.
Some people know what it’s like To feel a knot in the back of your throat To feel that knot untying, loosening a seam To know that there’s a hole To try and fill that hole To know that there’s a hole that cannot be filled To try and fill that hole.
Some people know what it’s like To feel that brief blissful void To know the release into nothingness To think without weight Only to become heavier.
Some people know what it’s like, To want to be like them To wait to be like them To try to be like them, effortlessly To fail to be like them, painstakingly.
And some People know, they are not alone
Hey, vent post again, inspired by Rita Ann Higgins :) Hope you like :)
Hanging from hooks on display, Are chains with special charms on the ends. Some are preserved nature, Like the tiny mushroom surrounded by grass, Or the dead butterfly with no legs, And the resin heart of a purple flower.
Some are crystals, Like the tiger’s eye pendant, The beads of blue goldstone, Or the pendulum of smoky quartz, And the agate that looks like a purse.
Some are special and connected to memories, Like the golden locket from a date, Or the silver snowflake from an aunt, The green Buddha, And the gold Buddha both from my grandmother.
****. I'm locked in again Not paralysed but stuck. Not sure what to do. Each task appears barbed Like it will pierce my heart. I could make a piece of jewellery Write my story Make an animation Or tidy up? Any would do... But instead I sit here Not sure how to proceed. It's like the other things that I woudn't do Stop me doing any of the other things that I could do. D-E-C-I-D-E from the latin "Decidere" To cut off! To seperate!
Knowing I'll be feeling hopeless and could use the direction the distraction. What is the use? I need to feel like I am being significant
But I am significant
But why bother? there is no deadline there is no action.
i find that time runs slow in the morning eight skips later then it's 8 pm three nights in a row
but what is happening? Where is my will my willingness to REALLY live?
Everything is always the same same thoughts same drive but a drive to nowhere but dreams on broken foundations monotonous.
I have to push myself, I know I must. to be able to OPEN my eyes and SEE because all I see is fog.
I am aware? I do not feel aware.
i am trapped in a misty humid fog, waving my arms gasping. trying to breathe dying to breathe i cannot breathe.
I want to experience life in all its glories And I would have Or do I just think I would have?
if circumstances weren't so hilariously unfunny Why? why do i get the thing i have wanted most, At the cost of another? I don't even get a say in the decision-making, I am merely just the puppet in this simulation Playing out the scenes after the act. Why? That's because the forces of the universe have a sense of humor.
I very dislike change, and so it finds me a perfect match. But others who wish they can leave their hometowns, have to stay stagnant until adulthood. Where is my right to a less stressful childhood? Why.
why am i being forced to grow up? Being forced to mature or else i cannot keep up
being organized is the only thing that keeps me sane It is the only thing that I have control over
One of the only things I have control over.
I am the physical manifestation of anxiety Screaming to be heard to be n o t i c e d
to be mistaken for art
It was a way of rebellion in a circumstance where i was forced to mature quick robbed of non-persistent non-insistent thoughts
So i hope fate is happy now. For through the course you have run, you have molded this puppet, exactly how you have planned.
you can check me off your list
Written on September 6, 2018 at 12:42 AM (age 16)
I don't think like this anymore. And if I can come out of it, you can too. There is always hope.