Part I

There are parts of me I will not give you, Stranger;
But these parts are not many.
I have always been comfortable in vulnerability.
Or perhaps, I have weaponized it—
To destroy not kingdoms but boundaries:
Confuse the prey and ****** the predator,
until they are one and the same.

Part II

But if I expose my soft underbelly to anyone,
Can it still be considered vulnerability?
How must it feel to be scarred
Again and again
Battered and wounded—
Yet the flesh never hardens against incursion?
To have so much weakness so plainly to see
Easy to touch, even more to make bleed
Bear witness against the truth
Yet shatter all of the doubts—
What lies in the middle, then?
What will the law of averages reveal?
Is that soft underbelly truly so honest and real
Or is it another form of camouflage
Designed to mislead
As the fanfare protects the executioner?

Part III

The armor of insight is deception
Deception that strives to please
For distracting the audience is crucial
To being this kingdom to its knees

So in revealing the war strategy to her enemy
Can a commander be

Part IV

Just who is the enemy, and why does he lurk about?

When I am seen, I flinch within.
My self makes a choice
between fight or flight
and I'm no fighter
and flight is a risk
that I'm not in a fit state for taking
so I freeze in place,
hoping the sight of me
won't cause offence
or, worse still, curiosity
and, worse case, sympathy.

Just pass by me.
Nothing to see here.

My feet were too big
so the glass slipper wouldn't fit

I hated housework
so no band of merry dwarves

I had frequent nightmares
so no peaceful sleep interrupted by a chaste kiss

I liked my hair short
so no prince tugging at my hair

Words, too often, hurt
and I am a bigger beast than any man I've met

No tiara for me
I will settle for a sword

No hero for me
I will be my own hero

No fairy dust for me
I will conjure up my own

I listened to an Eagle
speak through a body
that personified the land
he hunted over;
a body stressed, defensive—
fragile.
In his eyes I saw Reorder,
the burning furnaces
of Universal energy,
the power of stars,
and a coming heat.

Anxiety.
Shes taken so much from me.
I placed her on people
And situations.
But it was simply her and I,
Our voices shaking.

From the beginning,
I tried to escape her.
But she was so rooted
Inside of me.
My only release
Was to turn it all off
And trust the ground
In front of me.

Simple things,
Simple moments,
Became nightmares
And real fears
To look someone in the eyes
And try so hard to feel
absolutely
nothing

I could say it was the loss
I could say it was that night
But its not true

On the best day
With the best people
She tells me
I'll never be enough

And I can feel it,
I feel her right now.
Its the only way she let's herself out
I breathe
Steadily
Unsteady
My heart races
And slows
So that I start to feel sick
And you're looking at me
Wondering
What the hell im thinking
And I just want you to see
That I'm strong
But she's winning
As I sink
And I plan for her arrival
I look for the softest ground to land on
I try to inhale the fresh air
Until it fills my lungs
But the room starts to fade
And I know its her time
I count to 10
But usually don't make it to 5
And when I wake
To faces I've never known
They look away and laugh
And I just wish I was home.
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off
And fight the urge to explain myself
to the people that can't see her.