I thought the test was done and over
I thought that there was no more need for a mask
Yet I only proved how much space is seeking for something like the usual knowledge that fills it
I thought the ****** has already peaked
That peace is always what comes after war
That I was finally allowed to break face and stretch my cheeks
I never once thought that there was space for more
That I haven't yet escaped the forced normalcy everyone is insisting to keep
That I've always played around in the palm of their hands with no chance to get away

The birds are chirping continuously in a rhythmic beat
Found in the chamber where I keep everything I hold dear
With each chirp loudly echoing in the nothingness it is encased in
I can feel it around me
The growing goose bumps on my skin
The ghostly presence I still consider tentative
The piercing silence that I am afraid to break

I am still looking for that four leaf clover
The one that can finally rearrange the stars according to my sign
One that can make a bench warmer like me worth something

Yet a doll that holds no importance whatsoever
Is only a useless way of using space
Where a shiny medal or a bright smile can be placed
How much even is the worth of a doll
That is burnt and chipped all over that the child who once held it dearly
Now looks at it in shame
Shoved far away and below everything else
Even below baby pics and year old mints

What use are they anyway in a world where everything must be convenient and valuable
What is the purpose of staying in this world that makes you feel no longer needed
It doesn't matter if you are unique
Cause if you are useless
You are worthless

All i wanted was  love,
To love and to be loved by someone,
To hold you´re hand,
To feel secured,
But I have these questions,
They are laid in my mind,
They lay on my mind,
These questions.

I know i´ve been struggling with love
And I know that I ́m aching due to love,
I don ́t know why im in pain, i´m with questions
Why am I feeling this pain and having these questions

It is so unfair,
That I´m left with this pain
After hope for a gain,
A new life ahead,
A new breeze in the air,
A cushion to spare,
But I´m left in despair.
Left with all of these questions.

Now that I feel I cannot take you´re hand,
My heart has failed, there´s nothing ahead.
I opened for once and left the door wide open,
I opened for you, but you slightly shut the door.
And I am left with all these questions.

My dear heart wants to love so badly,
But all of these new signals are so scary,
Screaming for endless love,
The one you could never have enough.

Always walked with her eyes casted down,
just that she won’t stumble head down,
into jungle of varied emotions,
cobwebs of various notions,
Lot goes in pretty head of hers,
Eyes are down,
Mind always up in clouds,
searching for answers
defining her pronouns,
Her eyes trained on ground,
looking for the evidences
she couldn’t announce,
One day her eyes will
meet every stray,
till then they will
remain down casted,
Away from preys

Could you dive
From the 29th floor of a building
Into the waters
And survive?

Unbeknownst to her family,
Ascends a conflagration of unforeseen limits
A relentless and foul depravity
She cries in disbelief for she might not make it

Kindled in her ashen spirits,
She is taunted by depression's gravity
This vortex of agony is death's one-way ticket
That bewilders her sagacity

–
Melody
9/22/19

There are answers
To questions
We scream in the rain,
Then bottle inside
To watch float downstream.

There are treasures
Holding extinct memories,
Thoughts and ideas
Not part of history.
  
There are lessons
Where language is no barrier,
Through crystal waters
One thing's clear,
Anything can be a predator.