I am a little peck in the distance,
easily swept away by the slightest gush of wind
and the most miniscule wave.
Crushed among the rocks I see a clock,
it’s counting counting down
until we are not wandering upon the face
of the earth anymore.
Where I go no one else goes.
Where you go I cannot go.
We’re a distance apart
and nonetheless we are in the same nutshell
on this earth-shattering ocean which roars
and roars and will not stop.
You follow as i swallow you leave my heart a howling hollow.
Oft I shun my desires
Oft I run too much
I fail to understand from what though
The venomous clamor from the window,
Or the clangor of my own?
What is more frightening to deal with?
What matters more?
Perhaps, choice has come early to me
Perhaps, rejoice has bid farewell early to me
What am I to do with the abundance of nothingness that stretches across?
𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝐺𝑜𝑑, 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑚𝑒.
𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤ℎ𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑒.
When you've prepared yourself for the worst; and it still comes. But from the wrong direction.
The overflowing sadness,
that courses through thy vein.
Thy heavy mask,
that thou places upon thy face,
for thous never-ending show.
But thou always ask is it worth it?
for is it really worth it?.
this always is the million-dollar question.
Why wasn't i good enough for anyone?
I did my best
I tried my best
But it wasn't enough to make him stay
Which of my flaws was the trigger?
Was it because I'm not pretty enough?
Because of my weird high-pitched voice?
My short height?
My scars and cellulites?
Could it be my tattoos were too scary for him
Maybe it wasn't a physical flaw.
Was it because of my obsession of him?
My undying love and affections ?
Perhaps because i overthink too much
Or maybe because of how depressed i could be
Maybe everything about me is flawed.
Maybe in his eyes,
I'm not worthy enough
How will you see?
How will you measure me?
Because all I do is state the truth
Truths of life and death; truths
Of fairylands and ruthless errands
So, how will you see
If I truly am being me
The scale I play within
Is just too broad for any accurate measurements
I worry then
Will you ever be able to see
A fact too obvious; a fact so sly:
Two distinct truths, when put together
Are still a lie.
A confession; The gaping holes you see, aren't really imaginary.
Are the pedals on a piano
There because it once was a vehicle?
Are there long lines tonight
At the nudie fish market?
Is that a ****** dressed as your wife
On the Lord's day?
Is your depression building its own
Glorified bomb shelter?
Do you pray for what wilts
As equally as for what blossoms?
Did someone ***
In your sandbox again?
Was it you?
I can make you the happiest you’ve ever been
And the happiest you’ll ever be
A lantern to light your darkest days
If you give me a chance, I will love you endlessly
I can give you the moon, the stars, and the sea
To the heavens, I’ll gift you the key
But I know, even if I gave you everything,
I can never make you love me.
Could I live by myself?
In the blur?
In the cold?
In the shadows?
In the woods?
By a lake,
Go on foot?
Could I live without a job?
Could I live without blame?
Can I ask myself questions
why I asked
in the first place?
I dont know where my life is going and alot of time im uncertain what to do next. Hopefully ill find the answers soon.