meekah 4d

she dreams of days she’ll never get back,
heartbreak that never happened to her,
feelings she’s never had,
and that she’s scared she never will.
there is a darkness to her thoughts
when she can understand them.
sometimes she thinks she’s less than she is
(but only on days she can tell her self-worth)
her mind has been sealed off to the public
for so long
she’s beginning to forget her own thoughts.
she remembers better days.
she remembers the days before.
she remembers a time that is not Now.
and to her
those days are inherently better.
she’s self-absorbed.
(a secret: we all are)
to her
this is a flaw.
when looking in the mirror,
to her,
almost everything is.
she is too hard on herself,
she thinks.
she wants to be better
to herself
to others—
just Better.
she thinks.
she tries hard.
she doesn’t try at all.
sometimes all she can manage is trying to try.
she fails.
sometimes it’s okay.
sometimes she’s okay.
(are you really sad if you laughed yesterday?)
she thinks. she thinks she thinks. she thinks.
she smiles a lot.
she cries a lot.
she imagines they cancel each other out.
she only completely understood what a metaphor was
when she was 14
even though she had been using them since she could remember.
she thinks that’s a metaphor for her life.
she doesn’t quite know what that means
but she thinks one day she will.
she thinks.

It’s been three years
I actually fit in here
And yet you want to leave?
Why are my decisions
Never left up to me?
It dosnt matter anyway
No one will ever stay
It’s gotten to now
Where I’m accustomed
To you as you walk away
I guess that now
I know how you look
More from behind
Than in the front
I wish I could rewind
I don’t know what would be different
Or how it would end
But maybe I would be firm
And not bend
When I was made to leave
And told to walk away
Or maybe even you might stay.

Just my thoughts one life atm hopefully will be better eventually.......
Kate Eddy Jan 7

When I was young so long ago,
Threatened I was; though I didn't know,
My parents feared as to my fate-
Afraid that the doctors would be too late.

And the doctors did all that they could,
For the fear of my parents they understood,
They opened my skull and saw the mass-
Knowing that they had to move fast.

Many at the time thought those efforts to be in vain,
For my life this tumor continued to drain,
But those doctor's efforts weren't destined to be lost-
For God had not let my death be the cost.

To show I understand what it is you're going through,
My choir is here to carol for you,
For Christmas is the time of giving: as God's done-
And I do hope this will bring joy to everyone.

This is not just a story- When I was young I had a brain tumor the size of a grapefruit.....I barely survived.....and now several yrs later I went on December 23 with my church choir to carol for both the doctors and child/ families etc...who were going through the same thing as me or just as bad....children's hospital was like unfortunately a home for me when I was / those I saw in the hospital I did understand.
chiasa Jan 3

You found me
I was whole
But still amiss
With all the 'yets'
Here you are
Filling me up
I was full
And so are you
We overflow.
My cheeks
Have never recovered
From all the bliss,
When you said
You found me.

Got a new room.
Nylee Dec 2017

There is a new day coming
With the old year going,
And I'm hopeful to not lose hope
Optimist to not become a pessimist
Expecting all the unexpected
After this last day well rested.
Tossing chances,
Lets see what comes hence.

L M Biese Dec 2017

Somehow you found a way
to cut through my inferno of pain
and find the icy source of all my grief

Broken heart.
Bleeding arms.
Battered soul.

You saw these things, and didn't shy away from me.
And I still can't find the words to tell you
exactly how I feel.

Contradiction Dec 2017

Never before has stillness been so moving;
Vulnerability yes, fearlessly inspiring.
This moment in time that is so temporary,
But the effect so powerful, will stay indefinitely

So quietly chaotic, but peaceful in mind,
In a life of reflection: freedoms I find
A moment so grounded, floating on air
to touch the intangible, daring to care.

Her hands move over me, such;
exploratory precision.
So destructively perfect
A Beautiful collision

The gentle strength- felt by her touch
The terrifying confidence of unshackled trust
The need for control, complete self reliance
Now desired and cared for, a potential alliance

To be so comfortable with complete contradiction,
So hopelessly hopeful…
So full of conviction.

Poem about the new beginnings of a relationship
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