I hope that soon sleep takes me
In the mean time I think I’ll just lay here
and remember and remember and remember

An endless search
For before the hopeless
Prior to the pain
Pre drowning in sadness
It must be there
That rare moment of bliss
I can't FUCCKING remember,
"Has it always been like this?"
A lost sliver of memory
Eerily missing the feeling like a lipless first kiss
The want and drive evident
But before it all, most memorable, there to trigger the fall, my evil twin, Sir Anxious
I tear up as I absorb old videos
Finding the smile in milestones of my son, a present I was pleasantly present to witness
"...ah, there it is,
My piece of bliss
An unchecked happiness
Oh how I miss this..."
But I did this,
I have no business
Asking for a witness
Or forgiveness

©2024

When you promised me forever, I was silly to think you'd keep your word
Because I was taught that those things should be felt louder than they're heard

Promises by their definition are strength and willingness
To hold your word up higher than your own satiated bliss.

I could never be enough for you or anything you hoped we'd be
Thought I was exploring the sand ***** but was really drowning in your sea.

I've lived in the shadow of your former lover which we both knew could never last
And still I stayed with shallow hope that you'd bring me back after each cast

The rhythm in which I write now is filled with chaos and urgency
To get out every feeling quick enough, grasping at who I'm trying to be.

The promises I made to you through letters, painting, and home baked cookies
Are the ones that echo in my mind when I wipe the quiet and slow tears from my cheeks

Healing, growing, moving on feel a little stranger now
Deep breaths, a slight grin and even a softened brow

Silly little me promised to always love you.
And though that may look different now,
I forever still do.






-t.s.