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I don't think anybody knows how stressed i am, how ******* tired i am, is it because i'm to good at hiding it or is that i'm so obviously stressed and tired that nobody wants to hear about it

I used to have a friend a best friend that understood and listened and helped me through my day, i guess i just got too annoying, i constantly burned all of my energy to stop them from ending their life with a dull razor blade i never really realized how much damage i was doing to myself until this year when a lot of things went wrong

Now i have a significant someone and I've been constantly thinking about how badly i want to press my lips to her, but this beast in my head just won't let me, everytime i put it to sleep it wakes up within a week ready to ruin everything again

I don't think people understand why i am who i am, im that one kid who always acts like an idiot the one kid who looks so perfect but is scarred on the inside from trying to escape himself, the kid who wears “edgy clothing” and nobody wants to talk to, the kid who apparently looks good but is to much of an outcast for anyone to like him, the kid who tries his hardest to better himself but no longer has the motivation, i'm the kid that relies on his girlfriend to get him up in the morning, to tell him to live for her, to never give up

I don't deserve to have someone like her im my life if anything she needs it more than me
She always tries to motivate me but i never listen cause my ego is to big to listen to someone else's thoughts, i wish i listened to her i wish i wasn't so ******* difficult

She doesn't deserve to deal with how needy and how ignorant i am i just want to be with her forever and never worry about if she's losing interest in me again, but this all comes around to what happened in my childhood that made me this way

Ever since i was 6 years old...6!  i was the really annoying kid who couldn't focus who couldn't learn unless it was in a certain way, the kid who was so annoying that almost every lunch he would sit alone and eat waiting for someone to come sit with him, the kid that only wanted to have a lot of friends but couldn't even talk to the other kids without being told to go away cause I was too annoying

Every day I'm smiling a fake smile because i'm actually trying to stop thinking about what she's doing at this moment, thinking about if she's okay,  if she made it home okay, thinking about if I'm good enough for her, if i said something i shouldn't have and made her angry

Sometimes I wish i could live a life without all of my problems and just enjoy being in the present and not the past i know a lot of people are just going to say that all of this is worth pushing through but if it's worth it then why does it stop me from getting anything done
This is more of a spoken word poem but i wanted to share it anyways
Teen Thoughts,
******* around with my head.
The thought of me wanting to die, I want to be dead.
Everything racing,
Me, myself, waiting for impact, I’m bracing.
Gun in my mouth,
The pills in my hand.
The noose around my neck,
It’s just one kick at the chair.
And it becomes my Suicidal one night stand.
I hate it all.
Every last minute.
I wanna end this all.
But the suicidal teenager is nothing but a “joke”
Everyone expects it now.
So no one gives them hope.
If you’re going through something, PM me and I’ll do my best to respond and help.
de Negre Sep 28
somber bomber i like ducks
we dont love the gov it *****

(my friend erin said the ****?)
i did arrands rode the truck

the trip i flipped and made a sound
i skipped a bit and saw a hound

sorry pa he saw the mess
the current system likes to test

they see how fast and smart we are
so we can crash and part a car

there is no point to living now
maybe cause'
i was never
taught
how.
greeeeeeeetings amigos welcome to our new program #quickie3 yeeeeeee
Cat Lynn Sep 27
I'm

M ourning
I n
S erious
S orrow

for you...


...That's what it means to me at least...

What does it mean to you?... Or does it even mean anything to you?
Idk, this was kinda random, I was just kinda thinking of it walking down the hallway of my church one night...
It feels like darkness surrounding me.
It feels like monsters are everywhere.
It feels like I can’t do anything to stop it.
It feels like I’m saying too much.
It feels like I’m not allowed to be here.
It feels like I can’t stop repeating myself.
If feels like I’m Broken.
I suffer from Severe Anxiety, so honestly, not everyone will get this.
I have a Magic trick for you.

It’s quite simple, I assure you.

But,

I paint with Silver.

And it comes out Red.


Magic.
I hope everyone understands this.
“See you tomorrow, Buddy!”

Love, Dad
If you’re a little confused, the father leaves and tells his son that he’ll see him tomorrow... I’m sure you can figure out the rest.
I came home to a horrific sight.
Blood everywhere, my screams filled the night.
A note beside the body, it was a suicide,
My stomach drops, his eyes opened wide.

I Should’ve saw this coming, I knew his smile was a Lie.
I always heard his fake laughs, but I kept letting them slide.
The guilt washes over me, it’s all my fault...
i should’ve known that he was having trouble, that it was difficult.

But now... he’s dead.
And all we can do is feel the dread.
We can take on the sorrow,
There’s always a better tomorrow.
It’s going to be Grim,

But we must stand strong for Him.
But sadly... His casket will soon be sealed.

And i’m in the back.
Not a single tear,
My mind has been obscured.
I’m not crazy at all, I don’t need a cure.
But what I do know, is that time won’t Heal.

I’m broken now.
I don’t know what to feel.
If you ever need help, please talk to a professional or call the Suicide Hotline:
1-800-273-8255
Maybe even a friend can help you, but please do not Commit Suicide. People do love you, people will be there for you, and people will miss you.
Please look at the bigger picture and understand that you will be a missing puzzle piece in people’s lives. People may follow your footsteps. Please, Please, Please. Stay.
Benji Jun 30
Girl, I need one hundred percent
I'm not gonna be second best
Girl, I need one hundred percent
Don't wanna be the broken hearted again
Girl, can you give me one hundred percent?
Or do we need this right here to end
One hundred percent
I need it
I need one hundred percent
I need one hundred percent

Girl, I won't let you
Just become words on a page
Something I express when I hit the stage
I'm done with breakup songs
Been writing them far too long
I need a girl who's gonna give there all
I need a girl
in which I can place my trust
Know they'll protect this tender heart
No more looking for love in the wrong places
No more being trapped in friend zone spaces

Girl, I need one hundred percent
I'm not gonna be second best
Girl, I need one hundred percent
Don't wanna be the broken hearted again
Girl, can you give me one hundred percent?
Or do we need this right here to end
One hundred percent
I need it
I need one hundred percent
I need one hundred percent

Tell me if we need to break it off
Tell me am I wasting my time
Are all these just throwaway lines
Are you lying behind those bright eyes
Am I suspecting something
Or is this tingling feeling nothing
Can't see between the lines
To read the signs
Tell me I just need to know cuz

Girl, I need one hundred percent
I'm not gonna be second best
Girl, I need one hundred percent
Don't wanna be the broken hearted again
Girl, can you give me one hundred percent?
Or do we need this right here to end
One hundred percent
I need it
I need one hundred percent
I need one hundred percent

Somethings stirring inside
Why doesn't this feel right
I have a sickening feeling
Something feels off
Something aches inside my brain
Is my intuition latching onto something
I couldn't see
Is there a hidden message
On your lips
(Didn't read it)
Didn't see it
Come on baby
Make me believe it
I need to know cuz
I gotta feeling we aren't okay
And you know what they say

Girl, I need one hundred percent
I'm not gonna be second best
Girl, I need one hundred percent
Don't wanna be the broken hearted again
Girl, can you give me one hundred percent?
Or do we need this right here to end
One hundred percent
I need it
I need one hundred percent
I need one hundred percent

©2018 Written By Benji James
Lewis Irwin Jun 20
I appear to be pushing back tears,
And I'm trying to stay strong.
Why have I been seeking forgiveness for all these years?,
Why did I romanticise my Demons in song?

I feel like the stem of a Rose,
A quaint mind of beautiful words to take away others hurt.
But I pierce the skin of those who comes close,
As I stamp on the acquaintances I left in the dirt.

Spawn of a Speed fiend and the ******* of an ***** freak,
A walking disease.
Ever so volatile and ****** to **** like a Sinners smile,
Walking for miles in my own head,
Only to fall to my knees at Satan craving;
Death.
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