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I do not want to live
in fear anymore
I do not want to live
without desire anymore
I want to move to
a city where I know nobody
where I will have
a movie marathon alone
where I will have
a dinner at my own convenient
where I will have
the entire space to my own
where I will talk
to myself in front of the mirror
where I will suffer
alone from my crooked back
I am pretty sure it ia
more meaningful than
to be greeted by
thoughtful strangers
to be harrassed by
vengeful neighbours.

sometimes, knowing that
you are loved from afar
will make you want to fish
for the sun from the star.
tempestuous moments
a prognosis of the
stupendous temperament
a desire to believe
a desire to achieve
and I have never
looked away,
from the shallowest river
that I have sunk my foot into.
Urmi 4d
You plonked your head
on the pillow
shut your jaded eyes
hoped to stop your brain
and escape the foul reality
but how can you evade
something that you are
so profoundly a part of?

You cannot escape
your existence.
Eve 4d
Everything that is true
Before my very eyes
Waves of emotion
The world dissolves
Into a temporary state
of nothingness
A blissful existence
Wandering between
And a dream
A newfound awareness
Of subtle beauty
A world of peace
when i was ten i discovered these books about summer
it seemed all the chapterbooks were filled with strange stories of girls finding their destiny by the sea as their whole life changed between boardwalk adventures and family urgency, like melodrama in small increments with too much sunscreen
something about one of them specifically stayed with me for years
the cover was of the shore and the sand dollars lined in a row as if waiting to be picked up or maybe had just been put down
something about them gave me the impression that this could be my life
an eternal summer that i didn't have to abandon, the book i didn't have to close, look into the sun and not have to pick my body up from the water
it seemed agreed upon that i could live in a continuous day
nighttime didn't exist and the moon was a name given to my mother's friend
everything was promised warm, my feet would touch pavement while my hair was permanently bleached
but the sunset came and shook my shoulders

i stand in my bathroom
cold and harmless
the window is fragmented so no one can look at your ***** body but it makes everything outside look like when you didn't realize you needed glasses and once you did every memory was post foggy
i could be a dying star or a sun brushing its' rays and you'd never know
sometimes my hands are so clean my nails taste like soap and there's no way to go about it but accepting that

there used to be a fire
and if i had to give it a name it would be Frederick
i don't know when it disappeared or how it even started existing
one day someone asked me if i knew how much wholesale toothpaste cost and my feet curled, i bit my lip so hard in fear i would scream until my throat bled
but that didn't happen instead something burst, not a vein but a sentiment
there were theories i used to develop while i went on dinner dates
i remember thinking of what i now reference as the sangria theory
while we sat and ate pasta and i could feel my head drifting while his eyes sank into the bottom of my shirt
i thought maybe all the people that you meet have no chance but a say
all circumstantial until you find something that harvests your attention
until you slip past the underwear and then nothing feels important anymore
was it ever?
you go separate ways, separate directions
as if in fear of finding something too close to whatever it is you're trying to find because then what would be the point of looking?
there was a fire and now there's a glow and i can't tell which one i like more
Johnny walker Jan 15
If God Exists It Is not I who will have to justify my existence to
It will be those who have corrupted our lives who have stolen cheated lied for their own greedy selfish
If God Exists It's those who have turned their backs and denied his existence, not I who have only questioned but not denied or forsaken him
Or shamed his name through despicable acts of cruelty killed In the name of religion as terrorist do I have only questioned his existence
If that be a crime then so be It, then I will prepare to answer at the end of my time
Questions I have  asked myself  over the years about God but never totally denied his existence
sondering Jan 15

sometimes i feel like falling down
but only. cause standing up is boring
why am i storming though a season where leaves fall
cause that's norming
bonds break but tears freeze and that's how crystals keep forming

i should test myself
see what i can find
in the life of my time
or at least what i've been prescribed

to put it honestly to wish is to dream
and that is to put it modestly
but to live is to rip your skin from your body
because comfort is a sad commodity
a place holder for
what you're meant to be
but that's placing your bets on destiny
and that's still a dangerous place to me

reach for the stars or
at least set your eyes on a planet that's not ours
maybe mars
that was predictable but it rhymed so
sorry if i'm presenting my ideas as cliche
or despicable
at least i can decipher what i know is unforgivable
a prison is a person who's microsoft-able

but that's just my angst creating a villain
vaporizing vixens are vain to the core
but the haze of pain is still in
only cause that's what they tell me when i want more
more than a ******* juul i'm
too cool to care about my health
cause the moment is now right, until i have to worry about wealth
for my family or my chemical dependence it makes me wince i mean i just want health insurance sorry i'm not used to the governments idea of
but jesus christ
one nation under god
kids get shot for
mowing the ******* lawn
what kind of world are we living in
**** is fueling the patriarchy for the worser
if a fertilized egg is a candidate for “******”
every single guy walks a around wearing ******* or kappa
donald trump doesn’t drink
pops percocets and ******

i'm swimming and drowning and i need assistance
but it begs the question of thoughts that fester in an enemy
i'm sorry, i know that's not fitting my opinion of the human existence
but why am i creating an enemy when all my life has promised me is the empty shell of persistence
c Jan 13
I awoke to time beating
its fists against my walls, and
could do nothing but
sing along

Tanaya Jan 12
Will I ever prove that I exist? What do I exist as?

I may try and be a shadow to you
trying to protect you from the scorching heat,
but will I ever know that you're a night wanderer?

I may try to be the rainbow
for the silver lining in your storm,
but will I know that you constantly live in a drought?

I may even be a nightingale
filling your ears with music divine,
but when will you tell me that you are deaf?
Deaf to my yearnings and my cries,
and blind towards the tears
that wouldn't come out of my eyes.
Deaf to the rhythm my heart beats for you,
And yet I keep making the music.
I keep making the music.

I keep making the music,
perhaps to prove that I exist.
But what decides existence?
Do I exist?

I exist in nostalgia,
when people remember their first true loves.
I exist in memoirs,
of the greatest rivals they made.
I exist as the guidelines,
of the way they shouldn't live their lives.
I exist in their sensations,
illuminating how comforting a touch should be.

Yet I need to prove that I exist.
It's clear now.
I exist.
And you do too,
even if it is as a reader or critic of a this mere poem on this website.
I know you're there.
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