Grace Ann 36m
My best friend doesn't have a physical body
I feel her more than my own skin sometimes.
She tends to come and go as she pleases--
It's always unpredicatble and univited
but I always feel obligated to cater to her needs
like a good hostess should to their guest

It gets old so quickly
I don't even want to get up and cook breakfast for her anymore
so we starting eating out
until its too hard to even leave the house
so she tells me that we can stay in bed and have sleepovers like the good old times
I don't remember those times

She likes to play with my hair
she's not very good at it though
it always ends up in tangles and knots that take
hours and days to brush out once she leaves
because undoing her handiwork would make her sad

I try to tell her sometimes that her being here is too much
it starts to affect my job
my life
my health

I try to get her to leave
I've been here so long she says
just a little longer she says
what would you do without me she says
I'll just move in she says

She's my best friend but--
she wont pay rent
she has never been a friend to hygiene
she doesn't know how to do laundry
or cook
or clean
she'd rather lay around all day than hold down a job

I want her to go
I want her to go
Why won't she go
Tøast 6h
Well, I lost myself in your bedsheets
but I beat myself up when I ran away.
you know that I adore you,
but I've never loved myself.

So how could a daisy ever survive a hurricane?
this storm in my mind is too much,
an unstable anomaly.
sweeping away happiness and leaving a scar across the landscape.

Well, I'm too unstable to ever be any good for you,
so please just find someone that has a paradise in their mind,
leave me in this dust land I live in,
dry mouth and burning lungs,
but my heart will always fly with the birds.
Julie 8h
I miss the voices inside my head
they all seem to be dead
you were always there
and it wasn't fair
at first you scared me
knocked me on my knees
then I learned to ignore
stop waging a war
we became one
and a new era begun
I heard voices for well over 3 years and now with my new medication they're gone I became so used to them that now in an odd way I miss them sometimes
Shona 11h
I found my self worth buried deep
underneath the core of the problem.
Sulking and wilting in the garden
of his spoken words.
Cruel and unkind surrounding every colour
and every path,
Dripping from every petal and every leaf
to the last
placement of where I no longer seek to be.

I found validation from myself,
Not within the stares from you or
the apparent love from him.
His words are still plastered into my brain
and my insecurity is still worse off,
But I found peace and contentment.
I found optimism and care,
Radiated through my surroundings.

I found that I deserved more than to be
cheated and hurt,
Emotionally distraught to humiliation and
bleeding in bedding.
Suffocation from the sheets and I couldn't sleep.
Now I've found acceptance.
And I can move on.

                                    — validation.
Shona 13h
“You’ve made me feel like shit, again,” I say
to myself mentally,
Aiming it more so towards my anxiety
Yet again.
Another snooping situation, mixed into the
incapability of walking away.

I can’t leave things alone.
My mind wishes to know every ounce of
detail but I, personally, don’t really care.
I want to write, sleep and live freely
without a form of worry blanketing me and
stopping me from breathing in deeply to
calm down.

However I let it do what it pleases,
regardless of whether I’m stuck with a
depressed feeling and sorrowful tune
surrounding me.
I tell myself, “You just have to ride through
it.” And for the first time, it’s easy,
But after that it becomes tiresome and
boring and all you want is for the feeling
to go away.
I am the only person who can make it go
away, but I can’t.
I hold onto it unintentionally, as if a part of
me will disintegrate if I let go.
And so we fall into a never ending cycle of
my anxiety,
Where I ask myself continuously “When will
it end?”
And my mind tells me it’s not entirely sure
but that I should be grateful for what it’s
giving me.
That it’s giving me safety and
cautiousness, helping me not to be
percieved as too naive.
But I don’t care for that much anymore.

So instead of ridding of my anxiety,
I’m always ridding of those who
unintentionally and unawarely have
created it for me.
It’s easier to be rid of you physically than
of something within my own mind.
Julie 14h
It’s hell.
You’re living in hell.
Every day your hallucinations and delusions carry you futher and futher away from reality till one day you’re totally engulfed by them.
You watch yourself fall deeper and deeper and then you crash.
And it’s like you’ve never existed, nothing has ever existed.
You’ve become this empty vessel controlled by your demons.
it hurts
I can't feel it.

Everyday I wonder if this is THE day
I've waited so long
not yet, not now, not even right now.
A slow death is more painful,
and that's what I am.

I can  f e e l  my body destroying itself.
It is so desperate to survive

m e
Bexis 5d
We have the right to healthcare.
We have the right to be able to take care of ourselves.
But to what cost?

Here, have a plan but it will cost.
Here, have some free stuff but it's enough.
Oh you broke something and have to go to a hospital?

Well I hope you saved because thousands is what you'll share.
Can't pay other bills?
That's okay as long as you pay us.

Can't afford to keep going to therapy?
Mental health isn't a real thing.
You're just being lazy.

You want healthcare to be free?
What are you a communist?
We're Americans!
We don't follow anyone else's rules.
We are the best nation in the world.

That's what I see when it comes to health care.
Or anything in America.
Can some please pull everyone's head out of their asses?
i’m a zombie, only half alive.
i’m a ghost, i don’t even know
what i look like.
i’m out of touch with myself
and everybody else.
i haven’t heard my voice
in weeks, i’ve forgotten
how to speak.
042011
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