The Dark Ailment

The day came when silence consumed my mind.
My mouth no longer had the strength
to speak the thoughts that haunted me,
keeping sleep far from my grasp.

I left behind the warmth that once made me feel safe
and wandered into unknown paths
where flowers bloom all year round,
where the scent of the sea follows you wherever you go.

Where once, a small child took its first steps,
hoping to find a friend.

But the day came when everything was erased,
and a violent new beginning was forced upon the world.
The child had no friends
and was driven back into the loneliness of solitude.

The sea fell silent.
Its scent no longer carried memories
memories of your mother unwrapping your lunch,
saying:
"Come, eat something, Giorgos.
Don’t go into the water just yet, you’ll sink."

Just as the universe itself sank into darkness.
The flowers vanished.
No one felt safe anymore.

No one sleeps now.
Dreams have turned into waking nightmares,
lurking in every mind
that has chosen to remain silent.

It feels like something is eating you
from the inside out,
slowly,
until it’s too late.

There are no sensations.
No dreams.
And nowhere left to go
except for the few steps
this sickness still allows you to take.

"In the depths of my mind, where shadows play
A world of forbidden thoughts, in darkness they lurk
The shadows creep, they crawl, they seep
Into my soul, where fears and doubts haunt me.

What terrors will they unleash, when they finally break free?
Will they consume me whole, like a darkness that's me?
And I'll be forever lost, in a sea of my own shadows.

Where the light of my sanity, will flicker out to sea
And the darkness will be my guide, my eternal destiny.

Time is running out, the clock is ticking fast
The shadows are closing in, and I'm forever to be past
The point of no return, where darkness reigns supreme
In the halls of this asylum, where madness is my theme.

The walls are crumbling, the floors creak with pain
The shadows dance upon them, like demons in the rain
I'm trapped in this labyrinth, with no escape in sight
Consumed by the darkness, that haunts me through the night.

These halls have witnessed horrors, beyond human comprehension
The screams of the ******, still echo through the corridors' desperation
The doctors' cruel experiments, the patients' endless pain
And I'm the latest victim, of this asylum's eternal reign."

Cinderblock thick
Why do you try to climb the parapets
This little heart of mine sings in a choir
Where dolorous notes emit percussive blows against the chest
Leave me to my cimmerian chamber,
It doesn’t suit you to pine away for an apparition
The man you knew is a specter,
A noctambulant wanderer forgotten, moribund.

The skies dressed in lachrymose grey,
As you stare at photographs,
Caught in an eidolon daydream,
But even in your greatest incarnation
You could not evoke yesterday,
Nor could I remember how to feign feeling.

I was cast aside,
Left in my melancholy,
Bereft of my ailing mind,
Imprisoned in mortiferous thought
Despondent to the fabrics of the real
And when I puzzled me back like a jigsaw
I was left with missing pieces,
Tenebrous figures pull at the light
To put out the light,
And in this last flickering candle,
Would you close the door to phantasmagoric fantasies
So I can introduce you to the man I am today,
The one you’ll never deceive or condescend
A true version of humility wrapped in masculine tenacity
I am more than meets the mind’s eye
A force of malevolence for those who dare upset my peace.

Dreams feel like reality and reality feels like dreams
Everything is intermingling together
Been off my medicine a few days, don’t know if I’m finding myself or losing my way
I’m not going off the rails
Emotions are in check
Just disassociating coming out the wreck
Numbness and blindness the medicine creates
The things you don’t realize until it’s too late

You’ll ask how I am
And I’ll say that I’m fine
Then you’ll give that look
Like I’m being snide

If you knew how my anger
was the last to survive
how affection eludes me
as I’m boiling inside

If you peeked at the shadow
snaring my thoughts
and the vortex of voices
pushing sinister plots

If you felt how my stomach
refuses to eat
or heard my mind screaming
to race into the street

If you held my confusion
in the palm of your hand
you’d crumble to pieces
and ask how I stand

If you learned of the stats
in regard to my mind
you’d see that my ******
will likely be mine

So when you ask how I’m doing
And I say that I’m fine,
know I’m vaulting the bar
simply being alive

I should eat
a cake to celebrate my victories
over inherited Goliaths.
Instead my face is gaunt,
stoneless and lacking heroism,
while my mind starves for nutrients

I should eat.
Because this was my dream,
a house no one can enter
filled with unshared favorites.
I stare into the stove
yearning to climb in and sleep

I should eat.
To stop the searing in my chest
the quaking of my hands
the static in my ears
as I stare into the stove
yearning to climb in and sleep.

I should eat.
How long have I been here?
Shoulder bruised on linoleum,
cooling as I lie here
staring into the stove
yearning to climb in and sleep

You’re going to eat me someday, aren’t you?
You’re hovering when I wash my face
lingering behind the fridge door
crouching when my back is turned,
feeding my clothes to the dryer
You clash my thoughts against each other
until I barely know I’m awake

You’ll sink your teeth into my hip
while I sprint up the stairs.
You’ll snap my arm off
as I fumble with my keys
crush my ankle
as I leap for a drain pipe,
shatter my skull
while I’m clawing a riverbank

Everywhere I go
you’ll be there.
Every time I rest
you will take a bite.

You’re going to eat me someday, aren’t you?
and no one will be surprised