i carve memories from my arm
as though i am uprooting
plants who got the rot.
blood trickles through the word,
the calligraphy ink we ‘borrowed’
while still in our sober days.
i wish it didn’t have to end with
glass and tears and flickering vital signs.
but he pulled life from me even when
i wasn’t holding a blade to my wrist.
he made me feel as if i was always
secondary in every way possible.
oh god how i scratch open healing wounds
and pretend that his friendship didn’t once
keep me from jumping out of my window.
High-pitched ringing fills my ears,
clawing at my skin.
Just when I think I'm in the clear,
the darkness pulls me in.
What I want and how I feel
don't seem to coincide,
my body can't stop quaking
as though a knife's dug in my side.
Although the only thing I crave
is compassion and affection,
I lash out and my venom spews;
I push the opposite direction.
I don't know anymore,
what is really home,
no matter who surrounds me
I am constantly alone.
When anger takes over and rage ensues,
my world is engulfed in shades of blue.
I can't keep track of the pace of my breathing,
my vision blurs,
my chest is heaving.
The more I try, the pain is deeper;
the corner of my eye, creeps the grim reaper
"I promise you death," he says with a smile,
part of me welcomes it, but fears like a child.
Then reality takes over,
I'm left in shambles; confused and colder.
Is there any peace I will find,
when I'm a prisoner in my own mind?
The stars are pouring through the night sky
Like the tears of a heart without a place to call home
All the questions of 'what if's and all the unanswered 'why's
But if you look close enough, you'll find the beauty in the darkness
There's a story to be told
A lesson to be learned
Never forget that some bridges
Were meant to be burned
They say that misery loves company
If that's the case, then you were meant for me
Though often enough I find myself all alone
While surrounded by most grandest of grand company
But I promise you this with the utmost certainty
That if you look close enough you'll find the beauty with in the darkness
Cause there's a story to be told
And a lesson to be learned
And promise to never ever forget
That some bridges were meant to remain burned
Sadly our paths shall meet their part
For fate favors not the song of our heart
And as it turns out, it is I that misery seeks her company
So please don't bother transcending the tortured existence
Miss Misery gracefully gifted to none other than me
And remember that story that was told
And all the lessons that had to be learned
Oh, and yeah, did I forget to say
That some bridges were meant to burn
Please don't look so sad, if you look close enough you will find the beauty in the darkness
Something i haven’t found yet that continues to call.
Walking up endless stairs that only shake when I move and only allow me to fall.
Let’s not sit around and pretend I’m not as sad as you all can’t care to think.
The moment I realized there was nothing more I could do but hang halfway off the brink.
Skin tinged with spots and colors carefully healing as normal and new.
The sound as the tree finally falls in the forest everyone forgot they knew
I have love
I have pieces,
Certain segments that fell apart
Not from within this heart.
It is the trees that seem to die
Branches breaking, flaking sounds
Vacant mind, open, vulnerable
A feast for hounds
I whisper aloud
Help is to come from above a cloud
I am here
A broken ship
Certain parts of debris
Extracted from my knee
Explains the function of my mind
Foggy waters, rocky shores
Weak, potent, lost
I lost my head before
I think aloud
Whether he is still proud
god traced her fingers down my spine
and said, “my child, you don’t believe
in much of anything these days,
why are you putting your faith
in empty bottles and 2 miligram bars?”
i scratched my nails down my arm
and said, “god, you are just another
voice i hear. how do i know
you’re not the one that tries to kill me?
how do i know that you’re not the one
who whispers about how terrible i am?”
god ran her hands through my hair
and said, “sweetie, i’m god. you have
to trust me, you have to believe
that i love you and can save you.”
i balled my hands into fists
and said, “god, i have stopped
putting my faith in forces
i hear in my ears. i can’t believe
in something that will only
let me wallow in my sickness
because it’s a trial.
my life has been a trial
and i’m going to make it end
if i hear one more goddamn
god vanished and laughed herself to sleep.
Stagnating pools of indecision
Blight my every day
Silhouettes of phantoms
Never go away
Romantic heroes upon white steeds
Always out of reach
Primordial demons surround me
On my thoughts they leech
Sanity lies at the horizons edge
Warped by broken dreams
In this dark nirvana
Nothing’s what it seems