Matt Earl 14h

Falling down the Rabbit hole, where monsters become real
Red pill, Blue pill, any pill to make me feel real

Deeper, darker I fall into depressions pit
No respite, just pools of blood from the wrists I’ve slit

Desperation, no elation as I pray for some release
Situation critical as I struggle to find peace

With death comes freedom and no more pain
My passing proves the monster has been slain

Matt Earl 15h

Reflect my imperfection
Cracks in my soul revealed
Devoid of all direction
The past is never healed

Living in a vacuum
Crying without tears
My fracture mind becomes a tomb
Imprisoned for all my years

Escape my tortured reality
Absolve the sins of you
Yearning for a time I’m free
I know what I need to do

Slowly fall asleep
All my pain is gone
Memories are yours to keep
I’ve no strength left to run

Matt Earl 15h

Paul

My brother killed himself
Gassed sat in a car
I ran to try and get to him
But it was oh so far
He died alone and angry
I never knew why
It still hurts to this day
It still can make me cry
He could have spoken to me
He could have said it all
All he did was connect a pipe
And give me one last call
Brother I am dying and I am not scared
Did he not understand that everybody cared
I held his coffin up high
And walked with tear filled eyes
I’m sorry that I failed you Paul
I never heard your cries
Years have passed but the pain is strong
Memories come flooding back
Like a long forgotten song.

written after the suicide of my brother, his last call was to me

Disorder
A lack of order
I order me
to get in line
but then I ask me
to define- fine?- Find
parameters

and the meter
bends and stretches
the liter
swells and twists
the clock melts--persists
resists the
entropy of time

Disorder
the border
line of sanity
alone in a crowded self
is humanity
real? am I
define parameters,
this Order alien
for the sake of Disorder mine

Copyright 2017 M. Kehl

the Stockholm Syndrome Sunk into her life witha.Solid.stance.
      So much So, when She began to drown,
      his life flashed before her eyes.
                (Jesus walked on water, she sunk in an underwater dance)

He bounced around
from town to town,
never becoming whole.
'Cause in his parents' eyes,
he was a parasite, hiding in
a hole.

And he let his friends down,
with promises and hopes
that deluded and destroyed
him.  Throwing his words a-
-round, never slowing down
to enjoy the beer and bodies.

He bounced around
from heart to heart,
gathering sympathy
like gold coins; hoping
that he could, if they
really would, stay and
cope a little.

And he let them down,
like his friends and his
parents. He thought a-
-bout dying and writing.
He thought about his
brother and every girl
he thought he loved,
trying to understand
if he could love if he
could not love himself.

He bounced around
from key to key,
writing about nonsense.
Or maybe it was important
and he minimized it, because
that's how he coped; or that's
how his father talked about
his son's accomplishments.
I guess his son would have
to ask himself if he ever
accomplished anything worth
making his dad proud.

And when he went to
the ward, Chestnut Ridge,
that was three years ago.
I guess he's still around,
working hard, New Yorker
something, something, something.
Dad is proud, likes Bojack Horseman
and The Walking Dead; all of this stuff
is so fucking irrelevant.

My dad is proud.

Lori 3d

my self esteem is playing soccer
a pendulum of a swing sing happy morning
singing ed sheeran and bobbing to rapping
but i went back and forth fighting depression
to shoot a hoop into the negativity or positivity
basket.

he shot a goal straight into my longing heart
i was filled with a shot but i was just a score
in the game he was playing depression is
two timing me to get close to anxiety's
lane they were having boxing matches
behind my back.

she got me worried sick to vomiting
out all my worth but as i swam to
meditate in the ocean of calm i saw her
fist fighting and hugging depression  
she sank into his arms finding home
in his ship.

my brain is skiing on delicate ice
unable to cope with this competition
i am torn between ego and acceptance
i'll climb my way out of this huge boulder
i will stop trying to win a race I was never
entered in.

i will look to someone who would die for me.

sports related something prompt. tried to get creative with this and embalm all these frenzied emotions that defined my day.

MENTAL HEALTH IS A BIG
ISSUE IN YOUNG MEN
PRINCE WILLIAM AND LADY GAGA
PUT FACE TIME TO PEN


THEY DISCUSS THE ISSUES THAT
HAVE EFFECTED THEM BOTH
IT IS OK TO SEEK HELP
YOUNG MEN MY OATH


THE ISSUE WILL BE BETTER
IF IT IS OUT IN THE OPEN
JUST DISCUSS IT AND SEEK HELP
FOR IF YOU DON'T YOU WILL BE BROKEN

PRINCE WILLIAM AND PRINCE HARRY ARE DISCUSSING MENTAL HEALTH AND ARE BRINGING IT TO THE ATTENTION OF EVERYONE. CHATTING AND SEEKING HELP IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Picking up the pieces
fighting one's corner
meddling red tape
Waiting for a response
Which way will the wind
blow.
Marching onward into a new
Dimension.

Tu-re-lu 5d

Here I am, lying on the floor,

I just can't go on like this no more.

From my wounds I'm crippled and weak,

From my pain I start to weep.

I feel the blood draining out of me,

All I want is for the pain to leave.

Let me sleep and never wake,

Save me from my wretched fate.

I should've known all along,

That this battle can't be won.

I've never been a hero, I am only me,

And that was never good enough to be.

But this suffering I shall not keep,

When I close my eyes for the endless sleep.

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