I saw all of those empty cigarette boxes in the back of your car.
And I felt disappointment, yes, but that wasn’t all.
I also felt like you were slipping through my fingers.
Like I wasn’t holding on to you tight enough.
Like you were submitting yourself to an endless doom, that one day would end you,
And I just couldn’t stop you.
You were fading with every light up.
You said you stopped, and I believed you.
But then things went wrong.
I wasn’t there to hold on to you.
I wasn’t there to help you calm down.
It took me a while to see them again,
But eventually your hiding tactics failed.
They got flimsy and careless.
And all I can think about now
Is how one day I’ll be looking at the proof.
One day you’ll be lying in hospital bed
Living as lifeless as you’ve always looked.
day by day enduring mental and physical pain
what does it feel like to lose yourself?
what does it feel like to lose your mind?
feeling breathless and not able to think straight
hyperventilate and feeling pain in your chest
your heart starts to feel pain as well
worried that you won't be able to carry on
even for days to come
From the moment
You came to talk,
My hands perched upon my waist
And they refused to move,
The air became denser,
Stifled my breathing,
The universe narrowed.
Some moments swell in time.
Thoughts that lay on the ground
All jumped up at once,
Flew to the eye of the needle
And all tried at once to fit through.
Looked to glitter
With the light dispersed,
I can barely move.
My words are dumb!
They aren't clever,
Words that constitute a conversation.
Frozen in time.
I do my best
The man of apathy!
Conscious of every second,
Every eye flicker,
My arms of cement.
I must blush!
She must know,
I try to hard to settle
And not show
That the flaking debris
Of my faded countenance
Pretends to be a person.
But it hasn't adopted
That mould in a long time.
The picture is fragmented
And it takes a lot to stay together...
Just so she won't see
The running colours
Inside of me.
I am sorry there isn't more.
Darling child, take off your blinds and see
Perfect child, look at all the things you could be
Worried child, you don't need to hold your future yet
Broken child, please take the knife away from your skin
Lost child, take my hand we can find a way
Damaged child, I swear everything will be ok
You might not be a child but they'll still always treat you that way
Teenagers aren't children. They're becoming adults and if you treat them like a child they won't grow up
you’re here but you’re not
that’s what you told me when we walked down 15th street after eating too many chocolate chip pancakes at the diner
you’re here but you’re not
you hadn’t yet put two and two together and realized that i’m not here because you’re not going to be here later
my stomach hurts from the sugar but also from the fear that my plans are getting interrupted by your laugh
i’m here but i’m not i don’t want to give myself to someone totally when they could be gone the next day. my mother told me that’s the nature of life when i was crying on the hardwood floor at 18 because my first love had left me
i get too invested in people and i knew from the very start that i would take out as many loans as i needed to if i could get you
love me love me don’t let me go is tattoo on my forehead you think it’s **** now
it won’t be when i’m sobbing on the ground and you decide to leave
Steigere ich mich da rein.
Aber lieber steige ich irgendwo
Als ständig draussen zu stehn,
Immer nur zu, zusehn
Niemals nach meinem Gefühl
Also komm mit her zu mir,
Weit weg, fern von dir,
Deinen Ängsten, dem jetzt
Invading my mind
This is not what i would usually find:
Sick and twisted
Blood and gore
Things that i've never,
Ever thought before.
"You can't have slaughter without laughter!"
"What's a funeral without a bit of fun?!"
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
I'm desperate to throw
all of my woes of the edge
and into the chasm below.
Hearing the echo of my own voice
dissipating into the distance
as if it just didn't really
want to exist to begin with.
The jagged mountain range
and snow melting beneath me
being a subtle reminding factor
there could be a thousand things
more important than my next step.
My friend has a baby and she's crying on the phone
She called me up in the park sitting all alone
Telling me about her problems as I'm writing this poem
Not every family show love to their child yet we still complain
About not having everything we wanted we can't relate the pain
A young girl thought her family loved her then a baby came
The baby smiled when he notice the family but don't feel the change
He's too young to understand life as things evolve it's never the same
Now the young girl became a young mother and her mother is ashamed
The young mother has a lot on her brain her son, the struggle, and a lot of blame
Life seems to get heavy if you can't release the stress
If you decide to commit suicide then you failed the test
The young mother is planning to leave with her baby from the nest
Everyday she's talked down in ways i didn't believe
Her mother told her the life she's living now she wont achieve
The things the young mother told me now I see why she has to leave
Since I'm a good friend like no other I actually care
I pushed my problems to the side and told her I'll be there
She never cried on the phone with me before so I had to go
I washed up, put my clothes on, and walked out the door
We chilled, We talked, We Walked back and forth
She took me on a journey of her life from then to now
I don't know how she could still breath...the pain she allowed
A strong young woman with a beautiful son....
I wrote this for a friend in the 2010. Then she realized she was pregnant and sometimes family don’t agree. I have not spoken to her in a while.
This was copied from fb page.