I was never this vulnerable before,
with the increasing exposure
I feel it all the time
So coward and not confident at all.
The changes occured in these few years
have boosted up my lingering fears.
The world has changed,
while I'm still the same.
There are days where I couldn't
Mask my emotions any longer,
And I let it all fall.
I let my wounds bleed
With no sorry within my eyes,
While the demons fall heavy
From my mind,
Laying down into the pillow
When sleep does not come,
But I'm not asking to feel sorry
For me as it does no good
Yet, all I'm asking within
This vulnerable state is for someone
To hear me out,
And understand me.
...at this deadly hour.
I shy away from yellow Novembers,
As I stare into the glowing sun,
searching for some metal wings,
ones that bring back unfamiliar winds,
hoping that they'll take me too.
I trace my fingers along road maps,
and chase my regrets while looking back
I dream of sunsets on snowy roads
I run from colours that feel too old
and search for stories that haven't been told
I've read the writings on the wall,
it seems like I've been waiting to fall,
but every time I dream of a new place
I can't help but feel like I need an escape
So I find myself on the other side,
walking down roads that never divide,
chasing dreams I have yet to meet
becoming someone I have yet to be
searching for fate, I walk along
towards the yellow November trees
alone, afar, yet somewhere close,
hand in hand with vulnerability.
Taking a break from the “26 Letters to Time” series :)
I’m not sure
Of what I’m doing
I’m starting to dread the thought
That my solitude
Is not a choice anymore
But something I got used to
Without even noticing
Like it’s something I’ve been telling myself
That I needed
A symptom of strength
To show off
To be proud of
When the last thing I want
Is building up walls
Around someone I love
I should be pulling you in
But I’m kicking you out
I locked the front door
Threw away all your clothes
So you wouldn’t come back
Because I got so much tired
Of your endless coming and going
Never knowing where to stand
I’m not going pretend
I prefer to pull away
Before they do the same
But everything has a price
I’ve seen it with my eyes
And I’ve paid
For each one of my mistakes
And that’s alright
It’s all part of life
And I embrace it and love it all
Because now I know
That I almost became
The kind of person
Who hurt me most
Who shut me out
Without taking a chance on me
Now I’m aware of all the things I let go
I regret and mourn them all
But they belong to a past that I can’t change
from which I can’t turn away
But I’ll forever be thankful for having learned
That I don’t need to be like the ones who hurt
When there’s an immense power that comes from being open
I feel I don't know you,
Not a bit, not at all
Your words are like flowers
All pretty and sweet, grow on
Trees and bushes, fill us with hope
But die after a week.
I'd give my life for you
But you have to live it in return.
Don't give in to the world,
It'll eat you up, devour you whole.
Pain; we're all familiar with it
But we don't live by it
It moulds us, builds us,
Creates who we are, but you let it
Define you, let it diffuse into your blood
Instead of oxygen.
Why won't you let us help you?
You watch us as you let us watch you
Pull down your wall of pride
Your life is screaming to be lived,
But you suppress it.
I swear you want to be a crisis
Because silence of lies is all you give us,
We're waiting for your truth but
You've got to realise time does not stop -
Let us help you,
I feel I don't know you.
It will be winter, the trees and bushes
Will be starved of blossom - all that will
Remain are skeletal figures
Vulnerable to the bite of the bitter cold.
So let us help you,
I feel I don't know you.
She dressed up into her best smile
But it was one size too small
For it failed to cover the broken lines
That ran down her light skinned youthful cheeks
As they uncovered the darkness that lingered within.
Drowned by her own despair
She broke down bit by bit until one day she began to wreak
She wreaked of bad decisions and daring adventures.
She became a blank portrait of uncertainty
Unformed and misunderstood, an empty void of utter lack of ardour
Consumed by her silence and yet so loud in the way she walked.
For she had become obvious to the world.
She uttered, "if only the smile was one size fits all."
will I forever answer when needed?
No knocking beyond that door
Open up to see only one of me
I’ve always needed you more
We spent the night
Interrupting our kisses with laughter
And looking into each other's eyes
Too afraid to tell the other
What we desperately wanted to hear
Guides the way