As smooth as
As complex as
Take it easy
Theme: One World One Rhyme,"When Will It End?"
Note: Then everyone got to know, what freedom is. In the background of COVID-19.
There is no explanation,
what causes destruction.
A havoc with its’ introduction
It’s karma teaching you a lesson.
(why) is the curiosity question isn't it
do we ever really get the answers to the questions we ask the most in this world.
no explanation to the way you are?
no telling who you are?
curiosity is my world and i dont know why.
If somebody asks
What do you see in me?
I just don't see
How you look like
Where you belong
What your name is
The calming vibes
The healing waves
The soothing echoes
I see myself in you
I see all the colors
I see everything
What you could
Turn out to be
That is essential
Essential for life
I see you
As the reason
Why to believe in time
I see you
And I want
To get blessed
I have yet
More to say
Theme: Unveiled Vibes
How do you explain
Is there an explanation
Explain it to me...
Brian Hill - 2019 # 166
Sometimes you just want someone to explain it...
That I can't describe
When I know someone is genuine
Without any flourishes
I feel it in my chest
A feeling of connection
Not quite the right word
Kinda like a sphere
Sitting next to my heart
Centered in my chest
But little magic
When I think of someone's face
I see open eyes
Open to watch another
But not wide with shock
I see a small smile
I hear a voice
Clear as a bell
I think of pure
Just a single
I think of gold
Or is it orange?
Orange with a yellow halo?
But not radiant
The feeling I get
When reading a classmate's essay
Or reading a good fanfiction
Does not capture the feeling
But at least I tried my best
I used to hurt myself every single day
Used to maybe to go a week at best without fresh wounds
Used to need it to get through the day
And it's difficult to explain
And it's different for everyone that chooses to feel pain
Cause that is exactly what it is choosing to feel pain
It's wanting to not be numb
Wanting to feel alive
Wanting to feel anything other than that emptiness
Because the emptiness is the heaviest thing you will never have
It's like filing your heart up with rocks
Feeling it sink in your chest
And that heaviness at first is just a symptom
It ***** but you push forward
But it gets heavier and you slowly loose control
Instead of growing stronger the weight just wears you out
And son you feel the weight piling on more than ever
Every time they...
...call you a name...
...push you down...
And it builds and builds and you can't keep going
And you start to wonder what if I just didn't exist
And the thought scares you to death but you feel so helpless
And you can't keep carrying the weight in you heart without help
So every single day the though come up
What if you just died
And every day it seems more and more like a better idea
Because you're tired of crying yourself to sleep
And you're tired of always feeling alone and unwanted
And everything is so numb that it hurts
So you give it a shot and it's messy
It always is the first time
And there's blood
But for once you don't feel like you have a heart full of rocks
Instead your heart is racing from the rush
And you feel something
Its painful and awful but it's something
And its nice but not necessary
So a few weeks later on you're at your breaking point again
And you put steel to skin
And the blood arises from the **** like a mountain spring
And your body feels the rush all over again
Before you know it every day is a pain and all you want is to feel
So you're like me
Slit your wrists before bed
Cuts in the mouth in the morning
And the torment all day between the two
And you're not destroying your body because you're suicidal
You aren't doing it oping you'll die
You're not ripping flesh from flesh because you want attention
The horror inst worth a few glances
You're spilling blood like a warlord committing crimes only against your own body because you're trying desperately to stay alive and only in this bleeding, in this pain can you find any peace from the pain of existence and the voice inside you that tell a you just to give up and die already
It's counter-intuitive but it's what keeps you alive for another day
As of writing this I am a year and 4 months since my last cut.
Never ask me for the reason
I am like a changing season
See me as if I am a tree
Buried my roots, still I'm free
Tired people, sit under me
Hide from devils, she or a he
Bunch of branches,
Come out of me
Blind may not see
No more of a holly essence, O'Devine ******
No need for title babe, Qaf is a core
I sometimes take time to write a few lines of verse.
Quite often to express feelings to prevent them getting worse.
Often I express things that are there as thoughts in my own head.
Sometimes its just things that I feel have needed to be said.
I don't always consider the impact or repercussions of things that I may write.
And I don't seek to make it all rhyme as a way for me to seem all bright.
I find it the best way to express how conflicted I can feel.
Inside my head it helps my thoughts focus on what I see as "real".
You may not understand the emotions or maybe share my train of thought.
But I will write how I think and how I feel even if against things we've all been taught.
Its my way of expressing "truths" that I just need others to try and see.
In part an explanation of why I cant be the way others would like for me to be.
I write these lines as often as I am compelled to want to do.
To give understanding and to express the things my mind perceives as true.
Whether challenge or expression of lies life has forced me to be taught.
I use the writing of these words to patch the walls of my emotional fort.
I write the verse as a glimpse beyond my fragile fortress wall.
I do it so all can see my sanity was dented by its fall.
There is little I can do about the glimpses you may choose to see.
Knowing that what you spy beyond the wall is not every part of me.
The words are how I perceive the world not to influence thoughts in your head.
But maybe...you have some understanding of me... from these words that now are read.
This is what it does.... why I even bother