I’ve come back to this a soldier,
the blood you extracted from my body
now smeared stripes on my cheekbones.

But buckle in.
Do I really need?
         -yes

A bullet proof vest inches thick. Barricades my bones
and sewn into the bones of my torso with hope.
            but that’s only for in case you shoot me, again,
              in the left chest.

- then that’s only if you become the target. if you whisper your vulnerability into his eyes, again. and stand hopeless before it all.

No I cannot bare it one more time.

He never seen me hospitalised in the bed of a room so empty. ( a mind so empty, numb)
So abandoned the nurses had left.
So abandoned I was the nurse the doctor the therapist the healer.
Doctor barely retrieved blood
Nurse barely rose me back to my feet
Therapist didn’t give forget.   wouldn’t let me forget - what about it I loved because he had never found it in me.
Then I am reminded again.

- so soldier buckle up the bare skin that can so easily be burned. buckle up in black.

I wear it in fear hesitation ilness and resentment to a repeat.

- better off safe than sorry

But safe now becomes a sorry to the soul for restraining.

  - sorry
19 August
Regretful hoping
I’m Sorry
For all the things I’ve said
For all the words I didn’t say
For all the texts I sent
For all the texts I didn’t send
I’m Sorry

I’m Sorry
For all the memories I’ve missed
For all the tears I’ve left
For the anger I let out
For keeping the happiness inside you
I’m Sorry  

I’m Sorry
But sorry doesn’t help
Sorry doesn’t bring the time back from arguing
Doesn’t bring back the time you spent crying
Doesn’t bring back the time you doesn’t yelling
But still
I’m Sorry

I’m Sorry
Sorry I didn’t give you my best
Sorry I didn’t love you the way you told you I did
Sorry I didn’t give you everything you dreamed of
Sorry for giving you the wrong thought of who I am
I’m Sorry

Sorry
I wasn’t there when you needed me
When you called because you needed to talk to someone
For when you needed to be held
For when you needed me to tell you everything was ok
For when I didn’t wipe the tears away
For when I didn’t take the pain away
I’m so so sorry

I’m Sorry

And I love you

I’m Sorry for loving you

I’m Sorry
I don't want to apologize,
but I am sorry.
I understand I can be a bit dramatic sometimes,
and over think every situation.
However, I just wish I could understand how you feel about me.
Maybe I wouldn't hold on to every little thing
if you just gave me a sign that is clear for me to read.
I've never been able to enjoy the company of another,
so I'm not sure how this is suppose to play out.
Don't leave me in the morning
feeling used and forgotten.
However, I find myself waiting by the phone as the evening passes
wondering if I should keep trying.
I'm holding on but I know I deserve something more.
It's been 9 months and it's been hundreds of miles.
Sorry if this sounds selfish,
but I can't wait forever and hold onto nothing
when I know I deserve something more.
I love your company
and in my head, we are happy
because I know you feel the same.
I don't want to sound dramatic,
but just please don't leave me in this haze.
2018
I did't feel your love when you held me.
I did't feel your pride when you praise me.
I did't feel your protection when you got on me.
I did't feel you mercy when you I told you to stop.
I only felt your aggravation.
I can't find hope in you but rather anger..
Stop talking
Cause I'm falling
Ever deeper in love
And it fuckin hurts

It hurts cause I know it will never will be.

There will never be a you and me.

It hurts cause when I sleep you will always be a part of my dream.

A beautiful dream but when I wake up it will be a nightmare cause again it will never will be.

It hurts cause no matter how I try to run away, just one call from you and I'd be there in a heartbeat.

It hurts cause I'm shackled by your smile, your stare, and your laughs.

It hurts cause when your hurt you run to me and I cant do a thing.

It hurts cause I know you dont have a clue.

It hurts that you already found your love and I'm the reason why you stayed in love.

It hurts cause now you ask me how to love him more.

It hurts cause I answer the question.

It hurts cause we've met but we were not meant to be.

It hurts
It hurts
It hurts
Why does this hurt badly.
He compliments me.
I'm unamused and so is he.
He pulls my hair and untangles it, but I want the mess.
He holds me close I'm not alone I should feel blessed.
He lets go I'm free.
I know he knows I know he feels, but its cold in here
"Its like you wanna be lost," he says.
"I do," I say as my heart drifts away.
Erica C Aug 13
im sorry my love
even if you don't think i am
i really am
i love you, you know i do
im happy whenever you sleep over
im happy when you cuddle me
im happy when you kiss me
im happy when your around
im happy in your arms
im happy with you
but we aren't ''together''
please take me and make me happy
do you really love me like you say?
please do, you mean everything to me
i don't know what i'd do without you in my life
thank you for being there
and im sorry for hurting you in anyway
i wanna make you feel like how you make me feel
i wanna kiss you
i wanna kiss your neck
your cheeks
your nose
your hands
your everything
i wish you were mine
but there are people in the way
people that i like too
ones who like me
ones who will hate me for getting with you
ones who will hate you for getting with me
ones who like you.
we have rules for each other
and well... you know how that ends when we break them
im glad i met you
im glad you're still in my life
please don't go
i need you
i love you...
i hope you know that
Tristan Brown Aug 12
"One day you'll find someone like you."

"I hope not."
Recently recollected a conversation I had with my dearest friend. I never thought that she would be right, but I'm scared that she might be right after all.
Also, Finally Hit 50 POEMS!!! Thanks to everyone for all of the love and support!!! Looking forward to the next 50 and beyond.
Saw something wish I didn't see,
too late now, its already
consuming me
Shrugged for a moment,
wanted to get mad but laughed
a little instead
Tears rolled down my
burning cheeks
All I could utter was, "Why?"
a hundred times
My chest felt heavy,
as my heart struggled to
keep a steady beat

Though, I choose not to ask you
anything about it
Maybe I'm tripping or
maybe just a coward
Guess I'm even more scared
of the answer you might give
Cause its way too heavy,
I'm scared I might snap
in a second
Poetry Aug 12
g l a d l y

Is 'DOORMAT'  s
                       t
                     r
                 u
             n
        g
from a label
at the top of my forehead?

s o r r y

Is my throat a magnet to emotion
machetes?


anxiety isn't my problem
c r u e l t y
is
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