I want to say
sorry but there are no words that carve out my apology without chiseling at wood set for the fire in hell I sculpt with tired eyes my need for your forgiveness
it’s okay sorry no, i’ll pay sorry even though you bought it sorry even though you said it sorry what I did was clearly wrong sorry no ******* but i’ll play along
I am still haunted
with the most heartbreaking words you've ever told me "I will wait for you because I believe in you." And all I ever did was make you wait.
Some time's my heart is made of stone
and some days blood drips down it like a rose petal falls off it's stems in the middle of a hot summer night. I get days where i'm filled with anger, jealousy and then grieve myself within until the morning seems.... Just for once, why isn't it me? Is there a curse, lying beneath the earth, or is it just me living alone in a life where everyone seems to be free.
Sometimes my heart turns to cold stone, when the core ignites, my night fills with a hurtful site.
I ignored you
and for that I am sorry I tried to love you and couldn't see you enter my heart I got scared and left you behind hoping for closure in it but instead I just feel like a **** and I didn't even say sorry
I Didn't Say Sorry
To my big sister's big sister
I don't know what to say to you I really don't It seems so unfair that words can rip you apart but words can't sew you back together I don't want to say "I'm sorry" For those too are just words Just noises, pieced together in a pointless waltz I don't want to say "thank you" For that then denies the pain it took to deal with what I forced you to handle Unwanted message after unwanted message Upsetting email after upsetting email I don't want to say "I'll do better" For I don't know what tomorrow will bring Anger? Hatred? Hurt? This could stop next week for all I know or it could carry on until time runs out So I guess I'll say "I'm trying" For though they are words also They are not meaningless You're working through the hurt, but so am I So I guess I'll say "don't hurt me" A simple plea But I know that given what I've done it's a difficult ask It seems so unfair that I'm asking anything of you despite everything I'm causing So that's all I'll say. With love, From your little sister's little sister
This is a really private thing to share, but here goes...
Why can't words put back together what words have broken?
I don't know what else I can do to say sorry...
when you weren’t given enough sunshine so you s t r e t c h e d as far as you could to reach it Remember when you woke up to flames licking at your lungs & half remembered people screaming your name Remember the apology you kept behind your teeth for the person in the mirror (I am sorry I can’t be enough) I am sorry this apology feels so brittle you hope it doesn’t shatter and make you choke Remember when you got up the next day and the next night and every single time after that - Do you remember when you kept going
I try to force the tears out
can't bear their burning behind my tired eyes clutching my stomach desperate for this ache to leave me Jesus please take this ache away from me I want to put a blade to my weakened wrist can't bear the pulsing, pulsing beating, beating of the blood pumping through my veins Let my body surrender to the darkness like I have I need to scream it into the void of nothingness can't bear these words that are stuck in my throat I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so so so sorry t h i s i s a l l m y f a u l t
Why am I so stupid Why am I so ******* stupid I knew I had hurt you but no I had to ignore it If only there was a way back but there isn't so I'm trapped here I chose to push it aside and now it's too late Why am I so stupid Why am I so ******* stupid