Open whole heart for you

Cautiously flip every stone so you may view it's front and back

Understand ins and outs

And where surface chips and cracks

Correct me without saying words

Context unnecessary

Highlight favorites
I can catalog your desires in my mental filing cabinet

Your memorable features listed in numerical order in one folder

And when you finally witnessed every nook and cranny
Are done exploring the regions of my body
Brain
Soul
Turn away

Then waltz out of life like a tourist catching the red eye flight home

Always different but somehow not new
That's the only way I can frame this walkthrough,
The day to day I walk through
To look through these eyes is not something I'd wish on any of you
At best it's glitchy level design, I can't get a map I don't fall through
Worst, this is all predestined,
like wrestlin',
Every blow right on queue
A nonconsensual change of view
Not only but mostly due to the view of what relentlessly plays out in the minds eye,
A prisonesque venue
I didn't use faulty glue to put this mess together,
Who would choose this to turn into?
Nobody buddy,
Bad seeds planted in toxic soil is why this shiit you see here grew
This isn't the standard "good plan gone askew"
This miniscule piece of timeline was doomed from debut
In every story there's never enough time to repair before I will predictively have to leave you
At least according to the solo read through
Please forgive me for I loved you the only way I knew how too
My "how-to" example did more damage than I could undo
This is already more than anybody expected me to amount to
These aren't woven excuses, this is off the cuff, from the heart impromptu
I just want you to be the one who doesn't see me like they do
I know that's a lot of me to ask of you

©2024

We are not the same, I am not like you
And that's not a flex 'cause honestly I constantly try too hard to
Every new "new me" falls apart moments after it's debut
If I stay true to who I am I promise you not a single person will enjoy that view
No one ever has, no one ever will, it's almost a skill, bullshido kung-fu
I've already been told, "look around fool, not a soul likes that you."
"You have nobody buddy except for maybe the presence of two"
"But only 'cause they don't know what's truly lurking beneath the surface level you"
Just a few more things I wish weren't true but life never forgets to remind me right on cue
It cuts right through, fills the blue, will be what leaves me the same permanent hue
The new question becomes do I need more than a few? Do I want a big crew?
And will they even stick around without some sort of voodoo or glue?
I have no clue, but it's never for long if they ever decide to
So what's a guy to do?

©2023

Twinkling brightly
Glistening so beautifully
Solar lights at night

I seem to have aged twenty years over the last two
especially since turning seventy - a personal view.
From the outbreak of the ****** virus two years ago
there's been a gradual decline in health for this I know.
Although testing negative in the last week of November
other health issues have been cropping up in December.
I somehow think that my time may be coming around
for where the body is to be laid to rest in the ground.
Morbid thoughts such as the above are dominant today
and with some people they don't easily just go away.
In my particular case my right side has been affected
and hobble around like some disabled person detected.
I wonder how long it'll be before I won't be able to cope
with doing all of those various things that range in scope
from washing and cleaning to the other domestic chores
which need to be done on a regular basis and time scores.
Unless I can afford to pay for someone to help with it all
if circumstances don't improve and my back's to the wall
I may have to consider going into an old people's home
or in some place where you're restricted to freely roam.
Another possibility would be to invite someone else in
that's compatible to shack up with and share the 'load-in'
or even perhaps the other way around that is practical
without being negative and deemed unjustly skeptical.
Someone in whom similar interests and ideals are found
all those things that are decent, life enhancing and sound.
Already it's getting to the stage when I'll need to cut my hair
something I used to be able to do by myself in the past there
but now I can barely raise my right hand up to my head
and the whole thing is a procedure I'm beginning to dread.
-------------------
As everybody gets older and experiences the change
they may notice their movements are becoming restricted in range.
_______