Lost in this place With a grimace, No where to go No one to talk to, Heart's torn So is feeling forlorn, Wanting to quit But it's hard to admit, Thy body is weary Thy soul's not a beauty, Finding pieces Seeking for peace, Oh life, Let this all end please...?
everyone has scars they don’t want others to see including me mine just so happen to be written on my body
this body holds more darkness than the galaxies have ever seen these hands can’t hold a thing but scars underneath from swimming in oceans alone, trying to breathe
now i find myself in deep waters again the ever tightening gyre pulling me back into its cold embrace but i find comfort in the same gray hues of mental illness i’ve lived in for years its broken here but it’s home with cracks in the foundation and holes punched in the walls why have i let this become my home?
it’s become lonely here but don’t get me wrong i wouldn’t wish this upon anyone else to have so much pain within or to hate themselves enough they want to starve and scar their own beautiful bodies or their own beautiful skin why am i feeling so numb again ? 3/31/2019
I Sat Intent Listening For the rarest song Finding only dull distant chords Of listless fabrication, fell whispers on the wind A terrifying soliloquy of tortured indolence, torrents of buried dreams Rendered inaudible by the ears they fell upon Each deaf as the silence before Call of the doldrums Enchanting As I Sat
Inspired by lateralus and the fibonacci sequence, the syllables in each line are the sum of the line before then the pattern reverses in the middle
I met someone a long time ago There was an elegant air around her She looked around at The filth surrounding us Almost like she was a queen Looking at a problem She didn’t know how to fix
I knew immediately we had to speak
Suddenly, unpredictably, She was living in my home Sleeping in my bed Sharing my secrets and Divulging her own Her things were all around me In this tiny, little room With one green wall And all of her things They covered my things So I began to wish there was Distance between us
And then there was
My room felt empty My bed felt cool And something felt Terribly wrong
We met again, unpredictably In the same state That wasn’t our own I knew her instantly She looked around Like she was a queen Looking at a problem She didn’t want to fix She seemed more jaded now The way we’d both become Traveling in the chasm Of all that distance
We drank martinis In the unfamiliar way we Used to do Jovially discussing how we’d both Lost that hopeful glow Her skin was still so Dewy Soft, and young, and fresh But she was heavy Heavier than I’d ever seen her Heavy in a way we can’t Quantify with a scale She watched me with A careful affection Proud but weary And I doted on her With the same admiration She loved to overlook
We parted ways again
Now she’s angry I dared to claim She was worth more Because of loyalty She responds To my overtures Until we have the chance To meet again Silence My heart begins to ache As my fears Become true The one-sided affair Takes its next victim
Transition 8 silent months
To glamorous shoots You have to pay To see I think back to the First time we ever met And wonder how Two people can look the same But be so different I see the queen forget She wears her crown And assert that she Never claimed the throne At all
I feel like I'm floating More like free falling Down down down Into the darkness of the ocean No, it's not water though It's more like sand Coating my throat with each inhale Sinking slowly into the cold Until my heart starts to beat again As I remember who I am As I remember what's important to me This internal heat Offers me the strength To crawl through the shadows Slide between thick layers of oppressive particles Until my hands break free Into the sweet clean air I cannot taste it yet But I know it's there Patiently awaiting my return To the world To myself To living
I may not be there yet But I know one day I will be
. For Once Stand down And guide me Through this pantomime Of old improvised distasters Amalgamating in real time to create a start, Or start to create another End to cycle through Next time 'round With more To Lose .