The poets got something right about love.
It is like nothing else.
It is huge and soft and and rose tinted as a single cloud spread across acres of sky at dusk.
To love is to be as defenceless as vapor in the wind.
It is slow wisps of smoke rising from sweet burning spice, each a strand a piece of your soul in all its complex beauty, knowing it could be torn apart with the wave of a hand.
Impossible to contain, to control, to protect. A breath in the wrong direction and its gone.
The poets missed the part where love ruins you.
Where it is agonizing and it is torture.
It is desperation.
It is nauseous vulnerability.
It is the faithful worship of a fickle god.
To stand at the altar, and pray for mercy.
Beg to be blessed,
Plead to repent.
Despite the deep red sin that has sunk into my skin like ink,
You have made me a disciple,
You have found my fidelity,
So I will fall to my knees and ask for forgiveness.
For although I thought I'd always be a heathen, now if I were to lose my faith I would lose myself.
Longing and hesitating, I'm so indecisive.
I've never felt fear like the fear of losing you.
I want to coil around you like a serpent,
To hold you with as much as of myself as I can.
To wrap and weave our limbs until we are intertwined, constricted slightly.
I want to plant my teeth into your shoulder and affix my jaw, unrelenting.
To sink into your skin like ink.
To mark myself a part of you.
I know you've always wanted a snake tattoo.
You know I've always wanted to live in your flesh.
You drive me crazy, utterly insane.
When you hide yourself behind arrogance and apathy,
Nonchalance like siren.
You have me in your clutches so much so I could shatter in a moment of hostility.
You make me wonder where my defences went, my endless fortification.
I stand alone unsurrounded, face to face with you.
When you open fire, when you shut yourself in.
I am powerless. I am at your mercy.
It is thrilling,
It is torment.
My thirst for you is relentless.
I scratch and groan like an addict.
You are my vice.
I can't get by without you.
After I've pushed my boulder up my hill all I need is a moment with you at the peak to do it all again.
I'm not used to respecting my vices wishes.
To letting days go by without a taste.
I close my eyes just to savour the cravings,
when they are the closest I can get to you.
You are my assailant and my sanctuary,
My sin and my scripture,
My addiction and my sobriety,
You are my everything.
And I am never happier to be me than when I am yours.