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Jeremy Betts May 5
Please know that;
I
Don't want to live
But I
Don't want to die
So I
Become a captive
Deny
My modus operandi
The lie
Is naturally aggressive
Can I
Adapt on the fly
Can't I
Be illusive
'Till I
Can answer the why
So I
Will try objective
A good guy
Give it a collage try
Then I
Become reactive
This stye
Permanently in each eye
I try
But the mole hill's massive
And I
Still have no answers to why
I cry
That's all I have left to give
Still I
Knew better than to be believe in somethin' like an eye for an eye
But who am I?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 20
A free captive
Informed I don't know how to love or live
Only examples have been showbiz
Emotions in cursive
Not easily or easy to forgive
No clear or ulterior motive

Rage and violence consume absolutely
They savagely rip apart and rearrange me but not outwardly
I've been known to be self destructively passive and cowardly
Maybe a lobotomy would stop the calamity

Never experienced supportive
The consequences massive
I've been rewritten as aggressive
Stabbed in the back, I supplied the shiv
Caustic and corrosive
This is no way to live

Good fortune such a rare commodity it falls apart too easily
Troubles squeeze so completely and never leave me
What I am and what I'm supposed to be create this rigid dichotomy
I hope the something that's gotta give doesn't end up being me

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 13
What is this that I've let build up inside of me?
I'm only human, I get lonely
So, at first, it's easy to see why I didn't really mind the company
...at first...
With every attempt to shine a light on it, it seemed to get more ugly and angry
Personally becoming so entangled in my past I found myself imprisoned in my head, lost away and locked the key
Mass delusion feeds mass confusion obviously
Abused by depression and anxiety
Used simultaneously as prison guards to keep me here in captivity
A single inmate maximum security penitentiary
Making a mockery of my first 40
While I watch the worst of me became the only me
I foolishly pretend no one else could possibly see
As behind the scenes I try to wiggle free for a second or three
In an attempt at some sort of damage control on this fragile soul and fractured mentality
Trying in vain to make sense of the recipe
'Cause if this is how it's supposed to be
Then someone's going to need to explain to me
Exactly why my straight to TV, B movie horror mystery
Was scripted to be such a difficult and seemingly impossible journey
Where's the humanity?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 2018
What. Just. Happened?
I'm still here, in the throes of terror, probably forever, but that was close
I don't know how many more of those devastating blows from life's twisted episodes I can take before I get exposed and everybody knows that this smile's a fake, adorned like over warn costumes on Broadway shows
A mangled backdrop set prop to keep from view that I got behind the scenes woes
With each smile the lie grows
Gotta live with this Pinocchio nose
Black out curtains dress the windows so the only parts of me I expose are silhouette shadows
Like house siding, I stack the facade till a barrier grows
It adds curb appeal and social value I suppose
But for me it's a false face to hide the lows
Getting me through this reality that blows
A life time of running into doors with a sign reading "sorry we're closed"
Hanging next to the mandatory posted notice of demolition proposed
Life's ultimate plan to bulldoze any happy settlement till all that's left are foreclosed burrows
Unwelcoming ghettoes
A real to life Gotham City narrows
Every one knows **** flows down stream and my life's the delta where it all goes
Rainbows triggering everyday psychos
Sorrows flicker by like sickening slideshows
Arms and legs strewn all around, some separated from torsos
From heros to zeros, no back again as I decompose into the shallows

It's basically not a place anybody would actually choose to be
But when it's your own psyche it's hard to see any way out of the intensity that will always accompany insanity
And no one can hear your inner voice plea for much needed mercy
Beging to be set free but this inescapable captivity is your eternity
So wait, is this outcome then a certainty?
A destiny unremarkably average and already planned out for me?
It certainly seems to be
Especially now that I see clearly that comedy lies within my tragedy
But only because hindsight is 20/20
In the moment nothing's funny
A well lit path is not part of my journey
Mines a lifetime walked through a dark ally
The thoughts that emerge from the shadows come in a hurry, a savage flurry of the eire
Physically consumed with how badly this could turn out for me
Any second I could come face to face with an enemy sent by a deity with the soul purpose to immediately end this agony but I can guarantee I'm not that lucky

It's a shame this evil never left after it came
The residual, dry back shot residue stain and remain after every time I'm ******, but those rinse off in the rain that came all the same
Causing me to claim I'll never see life the same
Now docile and tame, a king slain by his own sword, self inflicted pain
My shelf life would be considered inhumane
A body originally set to be a temple now unlivable domain
Why is it the opposite I hear 'em saying when it comes to the brain of the insane?
What I can't figure out is what's there to gain keeping me here on this plane?
An existence broken and lame, no highs, no fame
No title bout, no championship game
I'd like to say it's done in vain but the fact is maybe this is where I'VE chosen to remain
But if there is no one to blame, to frame, to claim did this to me then the chain that holds me here I should be able to explain away so I don't know how to explain why I stay

And I always find myself stubbornly staying in this mindset like I'm developing the onset of stalk home syndrome
Eventually the environment seems normal but it's a Truman show dome
Entertainment at the expense of a grown man condoned
And the freedom shown is an illusion cause there's only so far you are able to rome
It never occurred to me that it was strange to be in this place alone
At first, while trying to escape, I wore my finger tips to the bone
But now I've got it so bad that I call this catacomb home
No land line phone, no WiFi hotspot zone
Cut off from the outside inside this prison of skull and bone
It's getting harder to tell as the problems begin to become overgrown
My flaws are blown out of proportion as they engulf my preset headstone
It seems so obvious that I shouldn't be here, I deserve a permanent place in a corner alone with a dunce cap cone or next to the rest labeled drone.
And I'm pretty sure I've waited to long to atone so the best I can hope for now are some ruby slippers or the larger piece of the wishbone

©2018
George Krokos Oct 2023
There are certain feelings in my heart that I won’t try to explain
which if I were to tell you about them you’d probably complain.
The well-springs of our heart run deep and determine how we live
meaning: if we don’t allow them to flow naturally hold us captive.
_______
From 'The Quatrains' ongoing writings since the early 90's.
stone the bear Dec 2022
Put it in a box and tell it you’re mine
Chain it up tight and tell it it’s fine
Make it wait. Make it shake.
Make it quiver. Make it quake.

Keep it dark. Full of despair.
Make it gasp for every breath of air.

Tell it don’t you dare —
Move and it might just tear.

Maybe even share
for a faire

to dress it up, dress it down
Make it smile, make it frown

With metal spikes to keep it still
Easy to use, ready to fill.
Into the morning and through the night
It should know better than to put up a fight.

12/28
Ylzm Aug 2021
The greater the revelation the deeper the mystery
The closer to the light the dimmer and further it is
But compelled and captive, propelled not by will
Accelerating into the void, a star amongst many
Each and all inexorably to be our very own Destiny
Nigdaw Jul 2021
set a scene
to visit when you're alone
lets call it your happy place
it is waiting
somewhere in the trees
among the rushes by a stream
in flowering meadows
evergreen
permanent summer
caught in warm breeze
where you can rest
your ill at ease
visit as often as you can
feel it, taste it, soak it in
it is your freedom
beyond locked doors
isolation
the hatred of man
Vale Luna May 2021
Time slithers away
Fed to the infinite void
that is the past
It slinks slowly into the present.
Why do blood and roses
share the same color?
A crimson droplet
A crimson petal
Both fragments of life
One salter that the other

Throw me in a cage
And watch me bite at my tail;
A ravenous dog
ruined by the boredom of captivity
Tick tock
Another droplet
Another sliver of life
It falls into the puddle
Back into the void.
Self harm triggered by boredom.
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