Capitalism will draw
and quarter you. Capitalism
will stretch your cells,
like saltwater taffy
until their membranes tear apart.
Capitalism will seek
to extract as much profit as it can
from your aging body,
and then, after it’s had
its way with you, Capitalism will do
the same thing to your children’s bodies.
Capitalism will tell you
to treat yourself to
a hundred-dollar Waygu beef
burger with gold leaf and
a perfectly fried egg on top
(along with a piece of New York
cheesecake for dessert),
and Capitalism will tell you
that your body is hideous,
shameful. Go to the gym
already and fix your
disgusting fat thighs. And do
something about
those stretch marks
from your latest pregnancy.
How could you
allow yourself to look like that?
And why not try these slimming
garments to hide your
cellulite?
Capitalism will tell you
that you’re beautiful just the way you are.
It will show you unphotoshopped ads
with curvy women wearing no makeup
and smiling, confident and empowered,
while it whispers in your ear
about how woke it’s become.
And Capitalism will tell you
that actually
your **** and *** big aren’t big enough.
Why don’t you look like a Kardashian, and
why can I still see your pores?
The way you’re doing your
eyebrows is so last year, and
how are you ever going to meet
the right man
with that basic ***** wardrobe?
Capitalism will tell you it’s time
to start a family. In fact,
time is running out
for you to start a family.
(Tick-tock tick-tock.)
It will show you
pictures of smiling babies, swaddled safely
in warm cribs.
(Tick-tock tick-tock.)
It will show you
images of storks wearing delivery caps
and white two-story houses
in well-to-do suburbs
where everyone has a nice job,
and the schools are good,
and they still get together for block parties
and barbecues every year
on the Fourth of July.
(Tick-tock.)
And Capitalism will tell you
that actually now’s not the time
to start a family,
that you need to
work hard to be successful, and, really,
you should be willing to commute
a few hours each day
if the job is worth it.
Capitalism will tell you
that nobody gets ahead without
hard work
(an outright lie),
that everybody else is working harder
than you are
(another outright lie),
and that you need to have a side hustle
if you want to keep the pace
(another outright lie).
And Capitalism will also tell you
that you need a vacation
or else you’ll burn out.
Capitalism will tell you that
your vacation needs to be epic,
the trip of a lifetime,
deeply Instagrammable,
or you’ll have done it all wrong.
Capitalism will tell you
that you should spend extra
to stay in that luxury over-ocean villa
in Bora Bora, and if
you don’t stay in that luxury
over-ocean villa in Bora Bora, then
you must not be working hard enough,
you must not be
one of the worthy ones.
Capitalism will tell you
to stay informed, always,
about what’s happening in the news
because keeping up with the news
is important for educated citizens
like you and me.
Capitalism will tell you to keep following the news,
to keep reading Twitter to the point
where you’re anxiously,
repeatedly pulling down
to refresh,
waiting for the UI to refresh itself,
fixated, always
waiting for the Tweets to refresh
themselves.
And then Capitalism will tell you
that actually you need to be medicated,
because the problem is you here
and really you’re way too anxious,
and life is too short, and
you deserve to be well, don’t you?
Capitalism will prescribe you
drugs to enhance
the other drugs it’s prescribed you already
(Abilify®)
and then give you more drugs to combat
the side effects
of your other drugs
(Lucemyra™)
and then it will sell you more drugs
to reverse any overdoses on
your other drugs
that you might end up having
(Narcan®).
Capitalism will tell you
to do everything you do
as hard as you can possibly do it,
because Capitalism is
at its very core
a glutton
and a sadist.
But one thing that Capitalism
will never tell you to do
is this:
Climb, naked,
to the top of a verdant
hill
in late spring
on the night of a full
moon.
Do not howl
at the moon.
Instead,
breathe deeply.
Place yourself
in the fetal
position
amongst the coarse
sage and grasses,
allowing
their branches and blades to scratch
your skin,
while the centipedes
emerge from the dirt,
and slither over your body
and the crickets
sing
and the mist
of your dead forebears
washes over you
and communes with you,
laying bare
those unquantifiable truths
that Capitalism has never known,
and will never know,
and will therefore never reveal to anyone.
While exposed
in this fashion,
realize that the whole of this Earth, too,
is exposed, naked, fetal—
every bit
as alive and as vulnerable as you are.
Capitalism will draw and quarter the both of you.