How do you
Forgive yourself
For all the
Things that
You never
Became?

Coke on my gums makes the whiskey go down like water
And so I feel nothing

I'll destroy myself alone so nothing can hold me back
So no one says "Enough."
I won't blame you for not saying something
I won't blame you for not "saving me"
How I can't be happy that you're happy

My ancestors are all angels up way too high and probably disappointed in what and who've I become
But still I don't care, they're all dead
Those lucky *****

Daylight breaks and the dawn has come
So I guess I've been up all night

These words are the very breath of my demons
And I haven't heard from an angel in ages
Through the eyes of the beast in me
I've become friends with the abyss
And it has politely invited me in

So another for the writer
Another bottle all by myself
To soak my soul
And drench any dream or hope of a happy life
I might have had left

Someone is suffering, what're you going to do?
If I have the capability to relieve them of their suffering then that is what I'm going to do
Regardless of who they are or what they're worth
It just doesn't get anymore complicated than that
When we started this, it seemed so simple
We were going to help people.
But what if those ideals can die?
What if those hopes can fade into the failure of the system?
You have to ask yourself "How do I protect the ideals I came here for?"

When it's blown to pieces, that's when it becomes art.
Art is a demon, a demon that drags you along.
It's messy and ***** when it pours out of you.
It's not something you can stop even if you should.
Maybe your wife leaves you
Maybe your kid runs away
Maybe you go insane..
You throw yourself away to be an artist

A lot of you
Would agree
That this world 
Would be a
Better place
Without me

I don't disagree 
In fact, I've been
Wanting to leave
It behind
For as long
As I can remember

So this is
The part where
I'll never recover,
The part where
Life takes me down,
And the scene
That scars
Forever

What is beautiful
About reality
Is what is beautiful
About math
There are
Many things
That have happened
The things that have
Produced this moment
Are at most times
ASTRONOMICAL
Meaning so big
It renders itself
Incomprehensible
Yet.. it happened

Even if the
Numbers against
Stand taller than
The daisy itself
Ever could
It still remains
In the meadow
For you and I
To see

We aren't on the playground anymore
There are new rules
We have to be mature but
Mustn't lose the spirit of childlike wonder
What is love anyways?
Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules
Life is short
When two people find each other
What should stand in their way?
I think we love who we love and
There just isn't a **** thing that can be done about it

The mind, divine
Through the vine
Of time
Tangled, entwined
In some
Grand design
Of marvelous form
And numberless prime
A nothingness enshrined

All the light
We cannot see
Lovely, dark,
Soundless and deep
Figures shift, restless
In the mist
A maskless mayhem
Patiently waits

They say three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead

Secrets could be simple, if they weren't the type worth being spread

You can bury secrets, I'm sure you're shocked to hear it's true.

But dont dream you'll finish digging, until they first have buried you.

You should know that I often fall in love with girls I play board games with.
Really, it's nothing personal.
It's just that when I get competitive, sometimes I get romantic
Someone once told me that they can't love someone until they've witnessed their worst, and I think you should know that I'm not my worst self anymore.
Breaking down isn't realness.
So for all that self awareness..
I am more of a coward
than I am a king
And I will fill my time with more ordinary things
Because I can barely stand the way all these feelings within me sing

You're the reason
I get up in the morning
It's not just
For snoring
It's cause I love you

You're the reason
I go home
In the evening
It's not just
For sleeping
It's cause I love you

I'm yours
I mean it
Cause you're
The reason

The reason I get up
In the morning
And all through
The evening
It's because of you

The past
always seems
To chase after us
When I choose to lie
I've learned to never
Let it go any further
If I know
I did something
That I'm accused of
I confess

I don't want to play
Cat and mouse
Delaying the inevitable
Is the worst game
You can play
And never win

If I did it
Then I did it
And that's all
There is to it

I'm treading in this wine
A forever never to last

Limelight wilts the roses
Thrown to stage
To stay red
Glory of the past

I am deeper in this
More than I ever
Thought I'd be
What happened to me?
What happened to
The world that once
Laid at my feet?

This is never what
I wanted, it's just
What I've come to know
To live some life
Of hollow glass
Doomed to the darkness
Never to glow

This kindness?
I don't trust it
Like a purple sky
Before a storm
Beautiful; but
Do you realize
The birds are
Agitated and
The ants are
Marching in circles?

I'm afraid to be
In my house
I'm afraid to be
Out of it
Because there
Are knocks
On my door
When nobody's there

Because I hear people
Whispering in
My basement

And because if
I sleep
Too long
I know it's
Gunna come back

They say you can't love others
If you can't love yourself
But some of us love others so much
That we have no love left for ourselves
And that's the thing about people
Who mean everything they say
They think everyone else does too

Why are you here?
Things can change
Tomorrow could
Be different
You have your thing
That's not unattainable

Maybe your
Version is
The person you feel
You can open up to
Maybe it's a place
You know
You can be safe

But it's out there
And it's not
That far away

"Am I evil?"
Worse,
Youre smart
When you know
Nothing matters
The universe
Is yours
And I've never
Met a universe
That was
Into it

It grazes on
The ordinary
Creating infinite
Idiots just to
Eat them all

Put a saddle on
Your universe
Let it kick
Itself out
It'll never stop
Trying to throw you

And eventually
It will
There's no
Other way off

Somewhere
Out there
A stillness
A darkness
Yet known
A nothingness
Awaits us
And it's better
That way

The purpose of life
Is that it ends
And people
Don't think
About death
Until they're
Forced to

Finishings can be
The hardest part
In these final steps
All the craftsmanship
Has already occured
The finishings are
Mere inevitabilities

You must
Come to terms
With the idea that  
Perfection is a
Necessary goal
Precisely because
It is unattainable

You must reconcile
Yourself to failure

It's not perfect
You have to make
Your peace with that

How?
Well..
You lay out
Your tools
And you
start again

Being a partner
Means you're just
Making coffee

You start to
Realize that
It's just work;
An opportunity
"To do"
You're not learning
You're just
Doing something

Then it starts
To mean you're
Not getting by
You're "going"
And it's just a job

Your fellow partners
Aren't just colleagues
They're a company
And you're just
An employee

Sometimes she blows
Cigarette smoke
In your face and
You call that love
Not because it is
But because
You want it to be

You're so ******* lonely
So ******* unable
To handle the
Ocean roar in your
Ears when you're alone

You tell yourself
That the ash in
Your lungs is
As good as
A kiss good night.

It seems crazy
To change something
Thats working
The horse and buggy
Was working
It seemed crazy
To stop using that

But then they
developed the car and..
Well that destroyed the planet..

So that's a bad example

You are all the things
That are wrong with you
It's not the alcohol
Or the drugs
It's you, alright?
It's. You.

I am stone
I do not move

I take my time
I let him come closer

I have only a single bullet
I aim for his eye

I hold my breath
My finger presses on the trigger
I do not tremble

I have no fear

I want to be
Your ex boyfriend's
Stuntman and do
All of the things
He never had
The courage to do
Like trust you

But what
Happens when
I just don't want
To get help?
Like I don't want
To convince myself
To live longer

I'm so through with
The population,
Being human,
And being myself

It's like I don't
Want to stick
Around and see
If it gets better
I don't want
To get better

I want to be dead
I want to be nothingness

The worst part
About being sick
Is you get all
The free ice cream
You can ask for
And the worst part
About that is
Realizing there's
Nothing more
They can do for you

I didn't get to tell you that I loved you before you died.
I stood right next to you, and I didn't say it.
By the deepest sleep, we were seperated.
You were just too far away.

You had a gorgeous mind.
I'd bombard you with questions all the time.
"How far does space go on for?'
You'd say it's endless.
"How many stars are there?"
You'd say they're infinite.

You also told me nothing lasts forever.
I still think you're wrong about that one.
I go back to that day every year and wish I had said something.
How thankful I was for everything you taught me.

Scientists agree with you by the way.
They say space is endless.
That stars number infinite.
If this holds true, then you were wrong about forever.
Totally wrong.
If this holds true, then if I look far enough into space odds are certain I will find a world just like ours.
And there you are alive and well
And I'm with you
And I won't stop with my questions
Over and over
Across the universe forever.

If this holds true, then I can tell you this knowing you are never too far away.

You're the
Oxygen mask
To the plane crash
That I've
Always been

Permafrost can go
As deep as
2 miles into
The earth
Way down there
Are these plants
Still alive and
Waiting to be
Discovered or
Thawed out

There's all this
Living stuff
Underneath us
Just waiting to bloom

It's really humiliating
To be shaking a cup
24 hours a day
And people just look
At you like you're
Some sort of ***

I go to fill out applications
They look at me and
I'm not looking presentable
And then they
"Well, we'll call you
Leave a number"
But how can I leave a number
When I don't have a phone

It's just a struggle

I've had people
walk past me and
Say "get a job you ***"
And I said "wait a minute"
"I'm not a ***,
I'm a human"

And, it's hard

After the end of the day
When people go home
I just feel so bad
That I can't be
Going home too

You, you are enough
And it may have been in
A billion little pieces but
I gave you the best of me

I won't glorify or romanticize heartache
For me it was a kind of death
A kind of death that
I was forced to keep living

What I should do is put it all behind me
I wont't say it but ill think it
Because it was a love story
And all you can do is tell it one more time

And even if it happened, it didn't happen
In the end, it's about love and memory

In the open air of
A night still young
My imagination was
Let loose and the story
I had to tell
Seized me

Free was I to wander
The dark and witness
Mysteries unfolding in
The shadows that
Foretold the coming
Of the light

Remembering that life
Is a remarkable journey
And that we're all
Just one ray away
From being a sun
To someone

You know what I thought
When I was falling
Off that building and
I went into panic mode?
The last thing that
My stupid brain
Could come up with?
"Won't they be sorry"

There's no easy
Way of asking
I already know
What he's going
To say but
Maybe he just
Needs to say it
So I ask
Him anyway
"Are you scared?"

Only smiles
And a patience
I've never seen
In the face  
Of someone
Who knows
That they
Are dying

Hours of childhood
Impatient, with nothing but
Playing by ourselves
Enchanted with
what alone endures

Between world and toy
A point which shows a child
Who they really are

Who sets in constellations
And puts distance
In his death

Do not sit
So close to
The TV;
It'll make
You cruel

Wayward in the depths
Soon the shark shall strike frame
Only then will we understand
How the thunder and rain
Could explain love and pain
In ways Shakespeare never could

Hoping only that
In the eye of every beholder
Is an artist who draws
Gentler conclusions
Than the ones we have about ourselves

If you're always
Telling yourself
How lucky you are

It's probably because
You're too afraid
To ask yourself
How happy
You are

Something is about
To happen that
We are not aware of
Our only chance
Is to keep our
Heads low and
Act like we're
Changed men
Because we're
Very close to
The end
We need to be
Okay with mysteries
And the stories
They breed
There will always be
Far more questions
Than there are
Actual answers
In this universe and
We need to be
Ok with that

My mind drifts
To that night
You streaked down
Mainstreet shouting
To the late
Night world
That you
Were free

I manage to
Barely stifle
A little laugh
But they all
Knew it was
Me, their eyes
Surely said it

In that box
You're still as
Free as you  
Were that night
And I'm just
The guy who
Laughs at his
Friend's funeral

Nothing to prove
Or disprove
About yourself
Or to yourself

None of us
Have to
"Go to" anyone
And the idea
That we do is
A mental illness

We can't keep
Going to
Each other
Until we learn
To go to
Ourselves

Stop making
Our hatred of
Ourselves
Someone else's
Job

We are not
The monsters
That we sometimes
See each other as

I don't need you
To understand me
I just need you
To believe that
I am having
A human
Experience

Just believe
I'm a person
And that I'm
Going through it

Because
It takes one
To know one

I had nothing
But time
I could see
The life of  
It in all its
Fleeting
Terrible light
Wondering
Had I lived?
Was I the
Object in
Another's story?
Was that all
I ever was?
Could I
Be more?

Nothing but
Time and still
No answer
I had glimpsed
Into the mind
Of eternity
Perhaps the
Mind of god
And found
Nothing but
Silence

We, these wing'd
Wicked things
Filth and fiends
Fearless and free
Terrors that soar
Waking you
From fevered
Dreams
Mayhem
On a whim
Fugitive as
The wind
Christened
In sin
Do you truly
Know your
Wolves within?

We are you
The madness
That lurks
Within your
Deepest animal
Mind; begging
To be free

We are all alone
In ways no one understands
We drown under
The waves of words
We aren't saying
Sometimes I can feel my bones
Straining under the weight
Of all the lives
Im not living

All we've got is
This precious knowledge
Of our own
Self destruction

The world
had to stop
For this victory
I'm joyus
I'm angry
I'm still angry
I want to bring black life
Into this world without
Us having to
Do this ****
I want us
To grow old,
Be unscathed,
Be unbothered,
And flourish

I started isolating
Myself, used to
Say everything
I was feeling
But then I guess
I just stopped
I wanted them to
Love me for who
They thought
I was
And not who I felt
Myself becoming

Ever think about
How horrified the
People we loved
Would be if they
Found out who
We really are?
So we dig deeper
Into our lies everyday
Ultimately hurting
The only
People who
Are brave enough
To love us
Wish I was
Brave enough to
Love them back

We don't have
As much time
As we think

I'm telling you
That it hurt
And you don't
Get to deny that

When a person
Tells you that
You hurt them
You don't get
To decide that
You didn't