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I’m darkened by you,
Twisted and broken,
I’m lost in a sea,
Bitter and frozen,
I’ve lost all I could have,
And gained all I could not,
I’m destroyed by the actions,
You seem to have forgot,
I wanted you there,
I needed you so,
I was just a child,
Why did you go?
Caroline Sep 29
There is a little boy who plays at the edges of my yard.
He flips rocks into the dirt and then pushes them around like cars;
He draws lines with sticks and occasionally raises them to eye level,
Whispering “bang, bang,”
Cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians
But always all alone
With no one but the birds to play the other roles.
He is a sweet little thing
With a mass of tussled hair and ***** knees,
And the brutal truth is
That I can feel his hunger
When he looks at me.
It isn’t that he is thin,
But that he is starving for something that I freely give
To my own kids.
I can’t even put a name to what it is.
Something about being seen.
Something about mattering
When the rest of the world seems so big
And you are still so incredibly
Small.
Yesterday, he startled me when he called me “mom,”
Just like that
Because I smiled.
How lost must be a little child who so easily claims such a bond
With a stranger!
I cannot be your mom, little boy,
But I see you, and I see your little spirit that has been, perhaps,
Pushed aside for too long.
I will always offer you a smile and small piece of time
Before you run off home and I can only hope
That the ones who open the door
Might see what kind of chance they have been given in the beautiful
Form of a child.
Inspired by so many little ones I've met in my life and across this country with a hunger to be seen and to be loved, playing all alone in a world that doesn't hear.
Her special power
was neglect
and I felt it immensely
a feeling I knew all to well
but could never get use to
I'm so, so very sorry,
Child of mine.
Looking back,
The years were not kind to you.
To me.
Us.
You never deserved any of this.
Not when our teacher hated us,
Not when mommy stopped caring for us,
Not when daddy got drunk and scared us.
Not when he threatened to hit us.
Nor when he locked us and brother outside in the harsh winter.
More recently,
Not when we cut ourselves,
Not when we went to bed sobbing.
Not when we made the wrong choice,
And mother was far far too harsh.
Not when step father offered us a *******,
Made us seem too adult too young.
Not when he offered us lacey ******* and thongs.
That was particularly hard to move on from.
When we were especially little,
We didn't deserve the trauma of the car accident,
When we had barely turned six.
Seeing a man scalped and ******, being dragged from his car.
I suppose it was his fault.
You didn't deserve the next seven years,
Afraid of vehicles,
Afraid every single time mommy braked a tad too hard,
Gasping for breath and gripping the door with a white knuckle fist.
You never deserved to wonder what your daddy meant when he was teaching you cruel jokes,
Nor should you have been able to tell if your daddy was drunk enough to be back out,
At the ripe age of ten.
Child of mine,
You didn't deserve to be born to him.
You didn't deserve eating nothing but cheap boxed food,
You didn't deserve thinking that fruit was a delicacy.
You didn't deserve being so so poor for so long,
Enough to even still effect us now.
We never deserved to have the happiness ****** out of us at school,
To be picked on for being so small and skinny.
Looking back, that was probably related to our financial situation.
You didn't deserve the knowledge and stress of the financial crisis of your dad's smoking and drinking,
The knowledge that our water and electricity was going to be shut off.
Child of mine,
I'm so sorry at what a wreck our mind is today.
I'm sorry that our anxiety has gotten so bad we have OCD.
I'm sorry I let everything daddy, mommy, brother, step father, step mommy, teacher, and all the things the kids at school said to us bother me so so much.
I'm sorry that I hurt our body.
I'm sorry I starved us.
I'm sorry I documented that we were drinking with best friend, and now we can't talk to her.
Child of mine,
I apologize for everything.
For our cowardice, unable to be honest.
For our daddy's irresponsibility,
For our mommy's stress,
For our step fathers stupidity and disregard,
For our step mommy's careless chatter,
For our, my, misguided efforts to cope,
But,
Child of mine,
I apologize foremost for the world.
I apologize in behalf of every single person whose smallest action has caused you the most miniscule amount of distress.
I apologize in behalf of your brothers and sisters who are selfish enough to take the joy of a child.
I apologize in behalf of every single person who has ever had an effect on climate change, who has taken your beautiful world and slowly destroyed it.
I apologize in hope that one day I can properly remember who you were, and finally find that part of me.

It was never your fault.
This is probably the longest thing I've posted on here
Inner Devils

I’m always, on the outside,
But I’m looking in,
Your greatest faults, I’ll abide,
I support and embrace your sin,

I’ll swallow your pain,
I’ll digest what’s inside,
I will rust your chain,
In me you can confide,

I’ll help you shift the blame,
Run from angels who refuse to see,
At your lowest, you’ll be glad I came,
But you’ll never know the real me,

Friending those who only think of self,
Always talk in a riddle,
Waiting on your secret shelf,
Musing you, while your privates you ******,

I smile when you call,
Us, only talking when you fall,
Two in a dance like notes of a fiddle,
Still, at your loneliness I maul,

I’ll smile when I’m used,
My shoulder ******* your tears,
I know when you’re confused,
I know, because I’ve scribed your fears,

I am the one who leers,
Watching your many tragic fates,
Coming when you shun your peers,
Remembering all the dates,

Suffering in total silence,
Guarding your souls flimsy, gate,
Torches and mobs gather and I stand in defiance,
While you sit at home and *******,

Think you see me so crystal clear,
You always call me when it’s late,
I listen, and drown you in a beer,
Fore I’m never one to subjugate,

I taste every tear,
Make you cold to further your career,
Your emotions I stow,
Take every blow,
For,
I am,
The Devil you know...
JAW Jul 29
You look divine
The way you hold the glass of wine
as if it will never spill
Seconds pass and I am under your spell
Pick me like a spring flower
show me there is no hell
Tipsy like the glass slipping from your fingertips
Now its hopeless
The carpet is stained
it started to rain
You give up and go to bed
Without my kiss on the head
Just red on the floor
Was not meant to be poured
0510152025
Emir Jul 15
Treacherous smiles and laughs
Displayed like a show
For everyone to see
What everyone doesn’t know
Is how insizeable you treat me  

Ghastly memories send shivers down my spine
Remembering how your warmth felt
When you’d cuddle me
And at the next you’re threatening me

A knife held in your hands
I cried helplessly
Searching for solutions so I’ll be okay
But I end up hurt and mislead by you

Why did you leave such a burn on my memory?
Why did you do this to me?
Now after all these years, you sit feet away from me as if you’ve done no wrong
And it makes me want to *****.
Wondering thoughts as a I sit some feet away. I feel distraught, and disassociated. I’m trying to not let the negativity consume me.
blackbiird Jul 3
there's
no
cure
for
the
disease
you've
given
me.
I'm
simply
showing
symptoms
of your neglect.
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