I followed you.
You lead me everywhere.
I felt safe.
I felt... whole.
That all changed
when you left.
You left me in the dust.
You left me... alone.
Why would you leave?
Nothing. Not a hint.
Not even a note.
Maybe you could have said:
"Don't love you anymore.
Is that too much to ask?
I don't think so.
love the ones who gave you life,
because there is nothing
than looking at the one
who carried you beneath her heart
for the first nine months of your existence
and fearing growing too close
I have come too far
grown too strong
to crumble at the mercy
of your familiar and cruel hands.
It is that piece of meat
That turns the devil beast on
It is that hunk of flesh
That crazes the masculine instinct
We go after it like a prize of champions
And forget that the meat has any feelings
It is that incredible piece of meat
That we beat nightly when we come home to it
We see it as nothing more than a dish
That should be rightfully served to us
Locked away forever
In a tomb that we call love
We tell the meat it's ours
And we label it with our brand
Enjoying the motions of its cowers
As we slap it on the hand
Forget the cries of fear
For the meat does not know better
Than to be that delectable meal
That we devour its human rights of.
“Mommy! Mommy! I'm crying!”
Jumping in the rocking chair
“Baby, sit down, stop your whining.”
Tearing a stranger’s underwear
“Mommy! Mommy! I feel sick!”
Sharp words spoken through vomit
“Sweetie, would you stop your joking?”
A freshly rolled joint made for smoking
“Mommy! Mommy! I can't breathe!”
Hysteria from the panic
“Dearest, just take some pills, please.”
On the drugs from the attic
“Mommy! Mommy! My chest hurts!”
Rapid pounding through the shirt
“Honey, shut up, drink your bottle.”
Alcohol straight from the nozzle
“Mommy! Mommy! I'm choking!”
Falling into a seizure
“Darling, would you quit your moaning?”
A midnight whore, all too eager
“Mommy! Mommy! I'm bleeding!”
The sound of terrified weeping
“Sweetheart, all you need is some sleep.”
Gone too high on amphetamines
“Mommy! Mommy! I'm dying!”
Skin starting to change color
“Baby, lay down, stop your whining.”
Forgetting to be a mother.
When my friends think about drinking they see parties, and wild nights, and crazy hangovers
And when I tell them I never plan on letting a sip of alcohol touch my lips, they're scandalized
Because they don't understand
How could they ever?
When I think of drinking, I think of my mom passed out underneath our Christmas tree
Or my dad swerving down side streets with the smell of whiskey wafting off of him like smoke from a campfire
I see my childhood that came crashing down in front of my eyes
I see something that they will never understand
Yesterday I found a seed and theres no better place to plant it
Than in your heart.
I acknowledge that you've heard promise after promise.
And as time steadfast, these empty promises have become the reason it never rains.
The soil around your heart has turned cold and has become hard.
With more doubt comes unease.
And with more unease comes a reason to lash out and suffocate all the beauty
that surrounds within.
This at all is not the case.
For the neglect of a beautiful flower should never be in vain.
For the true crime committed is those who walk by afraid to be who they really are.
Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.
You my beautiful queen are more elegant.
More beautiful than you can imagine.
For the thorns that grow along your stem are only a means to protect.
Not to be taken as a defect that takes away from how special you truly are.
A neglected rose can only continue to wither without everything needed to grow.
But until you can look and see the beauty within, everything around you will continue to be dark.
All I ask, is for you not to believe everything you see.
That in time, among the crowd.
Someone will stop and admire all the beauty you possess.
But until you yourself can see all the beauty you have.
You will continue to live in self doubt and suffocate everything around you.
Let yourself grow
My mother taught me neglect
And my father taught me fear,
It's not something you can just "forget",
The source of my paim seems clear;
It tastes like love but it is not ,
I am one who has forgot,
To know what home is like and can be called,
It feels so real but sadly-it's false.
More than twenty years ago...
who foolishly believed after several months of false courtship
of skirting the law in a way that could make anyone's jaw
drop down to the worst possible city
to live their lives in unholy matrimony.
The greatest mistake two people in hate could make
is to have someone be born from their hatred and take
everything they've ever felt.
Slowly, through their mistakes, you would rack up
so many defects, which then cause the effects
to never be visible.
Every bad trait was inherited. Every flaw absorbed. Every error
they ever made in their lives
recalculated and saved to be avoided in the worst possible way.
People hated you for you, and people hated them for getting in the way.
People hated them for you, and people hated you for not getting in their way.
People stopped hating you eventually, so you hated them instead.
And right at the very last second
when you felt you could be loved
when you felt the world could actually embrace
someone as broken, and desolate, and worthless as you
someone who has failed so many times
someone who has thrown away so many opportunities
someone who has balked and hid in cowardice
someone who has fought and defended themselves in inopportune times
someone who truly felt, thought, believed, and expressed nothing
you screwed it up.
At least, you think you did.
The truth is others did it for you.
But you know deep down it was you.
Every facet of you is one unending mistake, and the only reason
you still stand
is because even God looked upon you and said,
"Well, if he can't serve as an example,
he'd be better put to use as a warning unto others."
You'll die alone and you're fine with that.
"Are you doing alright?"
▓▓▓▓, ▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓.
"That's great, son. I'm happy for you."
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓. ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓?
"Keep up the great work, okay?"
▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓.
"I didn't mean to hurt her, you know."
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓.
"You need me. I'm going to leave you, you know."
"I never really believed you had what it takes anyway."
"You'll help me when I'm older, won't you? Haha."
"I love you."