I can’t help but picture you in that bed With wires and tubes And I want nothing more than to stroke your hair And kiss your face But I am a phantom in your life A dark secret, never to be uncovered And I will sit in silent torture waiting for your consciousness Powerless and fearful for the children that were never mine. Fearful for a life I was never going to be a part of.
He chinned is hand to his cheek How quickly my stuble comes in he thought It was just this morning that I shaved?
Will my wife still let me kiss her when I get home. I know she likes the smooth rather than the rough But that is her. Smooth and rough around the edges too. A strong person in my life is a great reward .
My daughter’s will be showing up for dinner The food will be of *** roast that melts in your mouth Potatoes they trick your palette into think you are eating in another country, India perhaps? Maybe I will take her there some day.
She likes to travel as I do. I enjoy the playfulness of adventure of the unknown.
Oh, the unknown. Another patient new into the hospital today
I have little knowledge of at this time, but a young boy of 14 just not following all society rules, Keeps getting into trouble. No one has yet to diagnose him. It will take some time but I am sure I can seek him out to understand him.
That is what I do so well. I am a good doctor.
I can understand where people and Youth especially, are coming from. The mind set.
My mind is set on the *** roast. I can smell it know. She always makes homemade bread buns. The smells as I walk in are intoxicating. I love my family…….
*Sudden crash to my side with such force, my car rolls twice. All air bags lite up. I swear their were 10! Not one of them saved me. What struck me?!
Oh yes, my wife, the girls, the *** roast I remember now how much I love them.
Those are the last thought’s I imagine could have been going through Dr. Arthur Miller’s mind The moment my son’s car t-***** into Mr. Millers at what must have been a very high Rate of speed.
Miller’s car turned over twice and landed right side up on its tires. My sons car on its side Perpendicular to Mr. Millers on a street corner in the grass of someone’s yard So much debris strewn around from my sons car he was living in. My son’s neck broken, his chin bleeding profusely, his disorientation.
And what of the person recklessly chasing my son? Who was there to help? Who was first? What trauma are they recovering from? Dr. Arthur Miller was almost home.
Just a few more blocks And how on either side of that eventful moment Why were not a second or two given leeway, one way or another so this never happened?
What kind of foolish time and choices prevented Mr. Miller from giving his wife and daughters Gruff whisker kisses as the timer on the oven went off when the biscuits were done as he entered his peaceful home. I never arrived says Mr. Miller.
shimmering and blue the ocean tides crash into the steer of my mind leaving it up to chance too often do the odds favor the abyss feeding me into the bedrock to be frozen in time breathless and hardened
Thick smoke spit My tonic Swell eyes split Black cloud fix Late night drips Late night sips Sipping up sap Sapping up tipsy Tap taps on the tips Watch the floor lifting Shifting Smash, crackle crispy Crunch mc nuggets Four AM grizzly Grizzle grease griot Giving slurred wispily Words like the feet Falling faster swiftly Like the head shoulder Knees toes tickling The senses of motion Devotion to sick things! Sick things! Sick things! Few friends out late Grab a cake Grab a mate Grab a bake Grab a fate Drive it fast Make it last Make it crash Make it all end quickly! Quickly! While she sleeps softly Coughing up blood Never felt haunting Wanting her to wake up Like the day's drugs scoffing I'm the same drunk drugged up mug With a lie stuck to the name like made up love Like made up stories of truth masked with icing on top Like the cherry minus vanilla, minus chocolate, minus ice cream, minus nice things Minus life, minus death, minus point, minus breath, minus art, minus stability, minus self sufficient tranquility! Find life Find it right Find it tonight Find it before it's time Find it before it's out of sight Find it before your friends dead in head lights Find it before you're a murderer plastered on the headlines Find it before you find out that you wasted all this time on bad highs Bad rhymes Pushing away coffee cake And pineapple plates For a daily dose of dead drives.
I was a storm But you made me want to be a river the way you kept trying to hold me as if I wasn't an ocean that could slip through your fingers as if I wasn't a tsunami that crashed into you every time you tried to swim as if I wasn't washing you back to shore in warning before you dove back in you had to keep your head above water just to hug me but hugging you back meant you drowning in my arms I was a storm But you made me want to be a river
I can see the road ahead of me. I try to make adjustments so I can be ready. I breathe slower to get a fast beating heart steady.
The rocks slide sweeping the ground from beneath me; carring me over a tune in the pattering of my fingers.
The water in the poison dollutes the pain from the stingers. The pace of the tone hits a pause followed by pounding of the keys dangaling from theyre stringers.
I am unequivacly astonished by the clarity of my sight in the breath of the moments leading after. My body tenses up. After all who could be prepared for this fall. I am gettimg to the point. Im not trying to pad the time or trying to stall.
I have came so far. So I can again. But this is not some story..My life could seriously end. I go back and forth until I come back to the moment that lead me to where and when.
Head first, I going over the deep end. I am tip towing over the glass shards of where I began.
Flashes of memories and aspiration from yearning within. Zero to sixty taking my second, third and fourth chances over and failing again. Suspended in the air and this is what I bargain with.
The moment ends and all the noise and stimulation comes to a sudden end. I notice I am still in my car on the shoulder with hazards blinking. Did I black out again?
The road ahead me washes away collapsing to a crack several feet away. I am still here. Where do I even begin?