Dear Person Who Shall Not Be Named, There’s poison creeping through my veins From when you bit me and lured me in Every moment you were here you just sank your fangs into my bones Slowly killing me from the inside out Blood pouring out of my heart as you tear it out of my chest Long after I stepped away I found someone Who treated me right and made me happy That boy is still the love of my life Now, I’m in his arms Free from all harm He actually cares about my safety He wouldn’t dare lay a hand on me like you did I may have sounded heartbroken over you I just got one thing to say to you Thank God you were just gone I have been doing so much better without you But this morning the worst thing imaginable happened You texted me just as I thought I had forgotten about you You said “I miss you” and the memories started flooding my brain I had just started to get into a good mental state The words “I miss you” started bring the poison back into my body The words “I still have your hoodie because it reminds me of you” made me think If you had really cared about me that much, why did I get hurt in the end Why’d you lie and portray me as the bad guy to all of your friends I never did anything wrong I supported you when no one else would You had me caring so deeply for you Then you made me open up my eyes All those times you would hit me Or even talk about me behind my back to your friends They bruised me, you scarred me mentally You damaged my mental stability You are the reason I don’t open up to others He showed me that not every guy will break your heart the way you broke mine He made me wanna break down my walls and start tryna care about people again He made me realize that I was loved, that not everyone was trying to hurt me He made me realize that I am worth so much more than all those degrading phrases you used on me All the times you said “I love you” or “I miss you” or all the times you would try to kiss me I knew they were fake the whole time I knew you were trying to get something out of me So many people told me that I should’ve left way before I actually did You tried to say that you were the “rag doll” being drug through the mud and the dirt You tried to say that it was “my fault” That I was the one who hurt you How could I have been so blind to all the lies you were telling me Did you brainwash me? Did you cast a spell on me? What did you do to me that kept me around for so long? Did you give me a love potion to make me stay in love with you? Why did it have to happen? Little do you know, I tried to take my life while we were together You called me so many horrible things that it made me want to end my life But I realized that I had a family to live for I had a few friends I had so many reasons to live If I would’ve actually done it, I would’ve never met the boy that I’m in love with I wouldn’t have ever met the amazing people who are in my life now I just needed to open my eyes and see my worth I never saw how much I was worth until I met Connor Connor was the one that helped through so much of the pain you put me through There were so many times he’s heard me cry One of the more recent ones was when I told him the story of what you did to me I don’t know how but he has stuck around through all the tears He’s very overprotective over me and when i told him the story he got mad He got mad because he never knew that had happened to me There's still more details to that story that he doesn't know about I’ll tell him with time but I never wanted to tell him I didn’t want to place my burdens on him but I knew he would never hurt me So I told him the story I typed it out while crying Because I knew that if I were to tell him instead of texting him I would’ve never been able to get the words out So I sat there just typing away as tears were falling down my face I had made a decision that night I decided that I would never look back on our past I would never come back to you You damaged me too much and I’m not gonna put up with it again I never saw my worth until I left you Connor helped recover from you Granted when I met him he was dating my ex best friend at the time In a way he put me back together He doesn’t know this, but he was the one who put me back together At one point I guess you could say I saw myself having a future with you I saw us starting a family But everytime you hurt me a tiny piece of that vision would slowly fade away It all slowly faded until there was nothing left You made me scared to leave I knew you would hurt me if I left After I left, everything that was wrong with our relationship it was my fault I remember you called me a **** when the rumors started going around None of those things that were said about me were true I would never do anything like that while I’m in a relationship with someone You were too blind with the fact that I was no longer your punching bag That you could no longer degrade me I don’t know what I ever saw in you But all I gotta say is I ain’t ever coming back to you EVER AGAIN SIncerely, Your Ex Abbigayl
when I look in the mirror I see the scars you left behind the longer I look the more I start to look like you people have told me you're hurting me are they lying? it's us against the world isn't it? then why am I so terrified of you? why do you hurt me it's my fault I'm sorry for what I've put you trough I'm so sorry you always told me not to listen to them but I think I'm starting to believe them you might be no good after all
I'm an animal A puppet on a string They control me And I don't feel a thing They think that they own me I'm a monkey in a cage And they can't distract me From the war that has been waged I'm envious of their freedom My mind fills with rage I'm sick and claustrophobic my skin is turning green My head is spinning They ignore my scream A sharp piece of wire Sticking out from the weave I push to my wrists And I start to bleed My blood turns to embers as my skin turns to ash My soul leaks away Forgetting it's past No real death here It's all to soon No freedom should come From forging your tomb For this is only a dream Bestowed upon me by the moon Oh how I long for an opening A way out of this mess A pill or savior Comes to take my stress My hair is falling out My bones begin to show Starving for a familiar face Someone that I know But all that they tell me It'll be over soon Lay down and rest love They whistle me a tune All of these beautiful lies fill my head A pretty whisper wakes up the dead This is only a prism dream Dressed under a grey screen Those bright eyes can't stay hopeful A star plummeting to the ground They fight with me using actions ever hurtful But this is only a dream
You call me a fire but I am not I am a matchstick I have to set myself on flames to take you down And that’s why I wanted to wait, to give you a chance You call me free and raging but I’m not I’m just a firewood that you burn to keep your hands warm You bask in my glorious burnout And see me lose my aims, sanity and myself And all the chances to ever sprout, ever again But still you call me a flame while I’m just a candle You use to get yourself out of the dark A candle, not even touched, but held by the handle
By living alone i am escaping a haunted house. to leave is to be spat out undigested, a bone picked clean of meat but spared the marrow. it was always me who refused to be easily swallowed. it was always you who hated that. We both know this haunting didn’t seep out from the walls, it was set in every room. (you made sure of that.) in such a space, articles of comfort are more unpleasant than bare walls - far worse than nothingness, they are marks of you. it is true you have built a home. but it is not my home. Your haunting is pristine, white walls and tasteful furniture. beautiful but unwilling to be dwelt in. in polished mirrors, everyone is dirt. at least a gutted, rotting place could have been somewhere someone like me was loved, some long time ago. even claimed by mould and time such a house is less of a haunting than any space shared with you. at least i can imagine those crumbling walls as having once been the pillars of a life. at least among them i am clean. if you are a leech, i am water, part of blood but never enough, you consume more than i alone can give you. you consume more than i would part with, even if i could. if a home with you is a haunting, a house alone is a half dug grave. but at least theres work left to do. at least i wont be rotting alongside you.
A poem about refusing to be consumed by something that claims to love you.
- The more I think about it the more it hurts the twisting and warping of someone else words "GROW UP" no wait, you're too young but pay your bills, work all night and I DECIDE whether you are right go to work, go to bed listen to me, you're not an ADULT yet,
I was an adult when I was 12 I talked like you, I dressed like you hoping to make you proud I was good, never made a mistake, worked hard, had no breaks and still, you tell me to change change and change and change be happy, be young but don't go outside don't make friends work hard until you eventually die trapped in a self-made prison your whole **** life
I GREW UP WHEN I WAS 12 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? there was no coming of age or birthdays only disappointed looks and dismay I will never get those years back to just be a kid and be happy
Time flies when you're having fun so, time only flies when you're young. -
~ pureland flower, always twisted into someone else's creation, never of her own ~ volition, breakable eggshell, quiet and still, lifeless from pushing boundaries, ~ a color without color, lifted by the breeze, folded up neatly, no wonder why nowhere to fly. ~
when will i be replaced chewed up hoodie strings bullet holes in my heart my baby brother drew green trees on sticky notes my friend and i drove late at night and called me prince broken crayons like "us" when you touched me i knew it was over but i didn't care at the time i suppose i never really wanted to die i just wanted to sleep forever tucked in the covers, laying next to you, still breathing