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Dear Person Who Shall Not Be Named,
There’s poison creeping through my veins
From when you bit me and lured me in
Every moment you were here you just sank your fangs into my bones
Slowly killing me from the inside out
Blood pouring out of my heart as you tear it out of my chest
Long after I stepped away I found someone
Who treated me right and made me happy
That boy is still the love of my life
Now, I’m in his arms
Free from all harm
He actually cares about my safety
He wouldn’t dare lay a hand on me like you did
I may have sounded heartbroken over you
I just got one thing to say to you
Thank God you were just gone
I have been doing so much better without you
But this morning the worst thing imaginable happened
You texted me just as I thought I had forgotten about you
You said “I miss you” and the memories started flooding my brain
I had just started to get into a good mental state
The words “I miss you” started bring the poison back into my body
The words “I still have your hoodie because it reminds me of you” made me think
If you had really cared about me that much, why did I get hurt in the end
Why’d you lie and portray me as the bad guy to all of your friends
I never did anything wrong
I supported you when no one else would
You had me caring so deeply for you
Then you made me open up my eyes
All those times you would hit me
Or even talk about me behind my back to your friends
They bruised me, you scarred me mentally
You damaged my mental stability
You are the reason I don’t open up to others
He showed me that not every guy will break your heart the way you broke mine
He made me wanna break down my walls and start tryna care about people again
He made me realize that I was loved, that not everyone was trying to hurt me
He made me realize that I am worth so much more than all those degrading phrases you used on me
All the times you said “I love you” or “I miss you” or all the times you would try to kiss me
I knew they were fake the whole time
I knew you were trying to get something out of me
So many people told me that I should’ve left way before I actually did
You tried to say that you were the “rag doll” being drug through the mud and the dirt
You tried to say that it was “my fault”
That I was the one who hurt you
How could I have been so blind to all the lies you were telling me
Did you brainwash me?
Did you cast a spell on me?
What did you do to me that kept me around for so long?
Did you give me a love potion to make me stay in love with you?
Why did it have to happen?
Little do you know, I tried to take my life while we were together
You called me so many horrible things that it made me want to end my life
But I realized that I had a family to live for
I had a few friends
I had so many reasons to live
If I would’ve actually done it, I would’ve never met the boy that I’m in love with
I wouldn’t have ever met the amazing people who are in my life now
I just needed to open my eyes and see my worth
I never saw how much I was worth until I met Connor
Connor was the one that helped through so much of the pain you put me through
There were so many times he’s heard me cry
One of the more recent ones was when I told him the story of what you did to me
I don’t know how but he has stuck around through all the tears
He’s very overprotective over me and when i told him the story he got mad
He got mad because he never knew that had happened to me
There's still more details to that story that he doesn't know about
I’ll tell him with time but I never wanted to tell him
I didn’t want to place my burdens on him but I knew he would never hurt me
So I told him the story
I typed it out while crying
Because I knew that if I were to tell him instead of texting him I would’ve never been able to get the words out
So I sat there just typing away as tears were falling down my face
I had made a decision that night
I decided that I would never look back on our past
I would never come back to you
You damaged me too much and I’m not gonna put up with it again
I never saw my worth until I left you
Connor helped recover from you
Granted when I met him he was dating my ex best friend at the time
In a way he put me back together
He doesn’t know this, but he was the one who put me back together
At one point I guess you could say
I saw myself having a future with you
I saw us starting a family
But everytime you hurt me a tiny piece of that vision would slowly fade away
It all slowly faded until there was nothing left
You made me scared to leave
I knew you would hurt me if I left
After I left, everything that was wrong with our relationship it was my fault
I remember you called me a **** when the rumors started going around
None of those things that were said about me were true
I would never do anything like that while I’m in a relationship with someone
You were too blind with the fact that I was no longer your punching bag
That you could no longer degrade me
I don’t know what I ever saw in you
But all I gotta say is I ain’t ever coming back to you
EVER
AGAIN
SIncerely, Your Ex Abbigayl
the walls cave in quick
my wrists sink into the bed
the lights are flashing red
i guess this is the end

your fingers, they worshipped
me a century ago
but now, they leave bruises
treasure maps along my throat

hospital white walls
but the floor's littered with cigarettes
underneath these cold sheets
is a familiar scent of regret

                                    "sorry," you'll say
                                    and i'll forgive you again
                                    "sorry," you'll say
                                    and i'll be back again
A major, B major
C# major, B major, E major
Moony 1d
when I look in the mirror
I see the scars you left behind
the longer I look
the more I start to look like you
people have told me you're hurting me
are they lying?
it's us against the world isn't it?
then why am I so terrified of you?
why do you hurt me
it's my fault
I'm sorry for what I've put you trough
I'm so sorry
you always told me
not to listen to them but
I think I'm starting to believe them
you might be no good after all
ShyAnne 3d
I'm an animal
A puppet on a string
They control me
And I don't feel a thing
They think that they own me
I'm a monkey in a cage
And they can't distract me
From the war that has been waged
I'm envious of their freedom
My mind fills with rage
I'm sick and claustrophobic
my skin is turning green
My head is spinning
They ignore my scream
A sharp piece of wire
Sticking out from the weave
I push to my wrists
And I start to bleed
My blood turns to embers as my skin turns to ash
My soul leaks away
Forgetting it's past
No real death here
It's all to soon
No freedom should come
From forging your tomb
For this is only a dream
Bestowed upon me by the moon
Oh how I long for an opening
A way out of this mess
A pill or savior
Comes to take my stress
My hair is falling out
My bones begin to show
Starving for a familiar face
Someone that I know
But all that they tell me
It'll be over soon
Lay down and rest love
They whistle me a tune
All of these beautiful lies fill my head
A pretty whisper wakes up the dead
This is only a prism dream
Dressed under a grey screen
Those bright eyes can't stay hopeful
A star plummeting to the ground
They fight with me using actions ever hurtful
But this is only a dream
I feel as though this one speaks for itself
You call me a fire but I am not
I am a matchstick
I have to set myself on flames to take you down
And that’s why I wanted to wait, to give you a chance
You call me free and raging but I’m not
I’m just a firewood
that you burn to keep your hands warm
You bask in my glorious burnout
And see me lose my aims, sanity and myself
And all the chances to ever sprout, ever again
But still you call me a flame
while I’m just a candle
You use to get yourself out of the dark
A candle, not even touched, but held by the handle
I have to set myself on flames to take you down
By living alone i am escaping a haunted house. to leave is to be spat out undigested, a bone picked clean of meat but spared the marrow. it was always me who refused to be easily swallowed. it was always you who hated that.
We both know this haunting didn’t seep out from the walls, it was set in every room. (you made sure of that.) in such a space, articles of comfort are more unpleasant than bare walls - far worse than nothingness, they are marks of you. it is true you have built a home. but it is not my home.
Your haunting is pristine, white walls and tasteful furniture. beautiful but unwilling to be dwelt in. in polished mirrors, everyone is dirt. at least a gutted, rotting place could have been somewhere someone like me was loved, some long time ago. even claimed by mould and time such a house is less of a haunting than any space shared with you. at least i can imagine those crumbling walls as having once been the pillars of a life. at least among them i am clean.
if you are a leech, i am water, part of blood but never enough, you consume more than i alone can give you. you consume more than i would part with, even if i could.
if a home with you is a haunting, a house alone is a half dug grave.
but at least theres work left to do.
at least i wont be rotting alongside you.
A poem about refusing to be consumed by something that claims to love you.
-
The more I think about it the more it hurts
the twisting and warping of someone else words
"GROW UP"
no wait, you're too young
but pay your bills, work all night
and I DECIDE whether you are right
go to work, go to bed
listen to me, you're not an ADULT yet,

I was an adult when I was 12
I talked like you, I dressed like you
hoping to make you proud
I was good, never made a mistake,
worked hard, had no breaks
and still, you tell me to change
change and change and change
be happy, be young
but don't go outside
don't make friends
work hard until you eventually die
trapped in a self-made prison your whole **** life

I GREW UP WHEN I WAS 12
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
there was no coming of age or birthdays
only disappointed looks and dismay
I will never get those years back
to just be a kid
and be happy

Time flies when you're having fun
so, time only flies when you're young.
-
What do I have to do to be happy again?
~
pureland flower, always
twisted into someone else's
creation, never of her own
~
volition, breakable eggshell,
quiet and still, lifeless
from pushing boundaries,
~
a color without color, lifted by
the breeze, folded up neatly,
no wonder why nowhere to fly.

~
Jason 7d

~~TW - Child Abuse~~






Vision red with fear

Laced lighting white with pain

Green switch flare

Flushed pink with naked shame

Brown bark bares

Bruised blue by shouted name

Black eye 'neath sunglasses scares

Peoples faces purple with blame
© 03/01/21 Jason R. Michie All Rights Reserved

Lessons learned as a child, chromatically.

Some lessons are harder-learned than others.  

I learned very early on in life that violence was not the answer (and had it handily reiterated when I forgot).  

However, my way with words has always been a double-edged sword, and that has been one of the hardest lessons for me to learn.
when will i be replaced
chewed up hoodie strings
bullet holes in my heart
my baby brother drew
green trees on sticky notes
my friend and i drove late
at night and called me prince
broken crayons like "us"
when you touched me i knew
it was over but i didn't care
at the time i suppose
i never really wanted to die
i just wanted to sleep forever
tucked in the covers, laying
next to you, still breathing
i've been awake too long
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