Jo Barber 25m
I fell in love
down by the shore,
where the water was sweet,
and the air even more.

A field of sunflowers
stretched out before us.
You plucked one
and placed it in my hair.
You said I was beautiful,
and I believed you.

Lazy days of smoking joints
and drinking too much
made me melt like butter.
I was lost and now I'm found.
I was alone and now I'm not.

I found myself at the end of myself
and forever continue to do so.
I stole the ending from a previous poem of mine, but I think that it works better here. Thoughts? It still needs some work, but I think the bones of it may have potential..?
Juno 2h
why do you yell?
why do you say these horrible things
because you love me?
because i could never get anyone else to love me.
and i storm down the stairs and
crawl into my bed
covering my head
and i cry.
i cry waterfalls into rivers into lakes
while my mother strokes my hair
and i love her but i need her to leave
but i am scared of what will happen
if i am alone.
so i try to sleep, but i choke
everytime i lay down and each
morning i wake up with marks on my
breathing quickens as i remember
what happened the night before
and how i am too afraid to open my
bedroom door.
i consider the window.
consider the faulty lock.
consider walking to His house at 2am.
he is the only one i can count on.
but i cannot worry my brother like that
and my mother would be distraught
i want fresh air
and water
but i do not ever want to eat again.
the sight makes me sick.
I want to wander away from this forsaken house
to somewhere better.
but is the grass ever greener?
because at this moment it feels like every blade is
dried and dying.
feels like thunderstorms and rain clouds but not
the exciting kind.
the terrible,
cursed kind.
the compressing kind
the depressing kind.
the kind that makes you want to jump off a fucking bridge
but the water's freezing.
the kind that provokes earthquakes.
i don't even know what kind means anymore because
the only one who shows me
i have not seen since april.
think of how lucky you are,
warm house, family, friends,
but they wouldn't feel fucking lucky if they stepped inside my head.
if they knew how many flowers crumbled up and turned to dust
at my touch or if they knew what it was like to have
no clue who you are.

i can't even fucking breathe anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~An old bear, rams his ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wheelchair into
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the door, now peeling ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~with hope
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the doors corner, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~buckles.

"Let me get a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~he tugs back his chair

"Let me get a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One weak rotation

"a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~then another

"Oh, lord help me"
"Oh, lord help me"
"They won't even reason with me"

"Reason with me"
"Patty Can you come get me?"

"Kill me, lord"
"It's a matter of life or death"
"They won't help me"
"Lord help me"
"I won't"
"I won't"
"I won't"
"I won't"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The door clicks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A slow hum sounds as ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~two EMT's roll a ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~contented thin elder past ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~us
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~she glazes her eyes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~along the yellow ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wallpaper that coats the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~long hallway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~of Saint Joseph's, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Secure
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~De­mentia Ward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I, The Gatekeeper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~blockade the exit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~while the hum of ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~electricity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~keeps us, secure.

"What the hell are you doin'?"
"There's a fire!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I assure the bear there is ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~no fire.

"There will be!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I place my hand on the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~bears back, to assure ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~him
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~there­ will be a fire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I promise,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~that when the fire comes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I will not stand in his way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~That for now, at least
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~we can have no fire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~His back receives my ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~hand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~as I thank him, for not ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~leaving.

"Thank me for saving lives."

"I'm so..."
"I'm Through..."
"washed up"
"washed up"
"washed up"
"I'm washed up"
"washed out"
"I'm washed out lord"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The EMT's return, and ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~open the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I again, block the exit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I assure him, I am sorry

"they think this is a game"
"oh lord help me please"
"let there be a fire"
"push and help me out"
"he turned it off"
"he turned it off"
"I turned it on and he turned it off"
"should i try to turn it back on?"
"or will he punish me"
"and bring me back to my room"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~He reaches for the fire ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~alarm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I let him ponder, then ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~touch his hand

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I assure the bear, I do not ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~punish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a­nd watch a man, whom ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~earlier I caught weeping
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~invite the bear to come to ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~his room
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and take his medicine.

"why do you do this to me?"
"I just wanna go home"
"and see my family"

"a cult"
"I belong to a cult"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The man, whom earlier ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wept
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~poin­ts down the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wallpaper, to a phone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~with which, the bear may ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~call his family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Then the man, whom ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~earlier wept
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~leaves the bear and I, to ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~content another thin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~elder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~th­e bear, struggles ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~toward the phone

"Let me get a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~one weak rotation

"Let me get a running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~then another

"A running start"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I bring him, down the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wallpaper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~and watch a woman, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~whom I earlier caught ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~smoking

"thank you"
"thank you"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~keep the phone, secure.

"You know, you're a miserable bitch!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Woman, whom I ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~earlier caught smoking
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~forks her tongue.

"miserable bitch "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This poked, the bear.

"I own this place!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Catalyst to the elephant ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~of the zoo.

"Do you know who I am?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~His living wife, Patty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~spent sixty years, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~abused.

"miserable bitch"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~As the woman, whom I ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~had not yet caught ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~smoking,

"you bitch"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~tells the story,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Patty visited Saint ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joseph's, Secure
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dementia Ward.

"you bring me home now, you bitch"
"you bitch"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~~Patty was always ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~listening

"T H I S".
"I S  M Y".
"V A C A T I O N,  N O W".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~God too, was always ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~listening
"T H I S,  W I L L  B E  Y O U R".
"H O M E".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Patty was free now
"Y O U,  W I L L  N E V E R".
"G O  B A C K".
"T O  T H A T,  P L A C E".
"W H I C H  Y O U".
"C A L L,  H O M E".

"T H I S  I S  H O M E".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and for the first time in ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~sixty years
"T H I S  I S  Y O U R  H O M E".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Patty spoke,
"G O D  H E A R D  Y O U".
Patty is still alive and well
Patty is retired and has more children then toes.
I can tell you one thing Patty doesn't have.

to answer her phone, for the bear.
Lexus 10h
Those malicious words were infinitely worse than any punch or kick
I lay in bed
My pillow wet
I think I might be sick
His spiteful tongue goes on and on and doesn’t know when to quit
He speaks some truth
But he’s bad too
My stomach is a pit
This night will surely end in apology like they always do
I’ll say “It’s fine”
We’ll hug goodbye
Those words are never true
This is something you should never force upon a kid
The damage lasts
The trauma’s vast
He never hit me but I wish he did
Jay 19h
I woke up to a checkered reality
and the absolutes of abandonment
three-hundred miles from a meal
From the red velvet love I craved

From cream cheese acceptance
and everything bagels with
horseradish guidance, the kind that
Stings in your nostrils and
goes down sour, but resurfaces years
later. With sweetness like ice cream

I woke up to empty pantry lies
The kind to which self authenticity dies
and I fought on, hungrier than I’ve ever been
Skinnier than I’ve ever been
I woke up lying in bed, puking on myself, and lying
to everyone around me
“I’m fine,” I say
and it’s true as long
as the bile stays in my insides

I choked down the bitter pill
Choked on a bitter hand
Bruised myself on a baseball
one I had to throw and catch and
catch and throw
Alone for hours
before I could come inside

I licked my sweat and bile
from my face.
Swallowing my dried tongue,
I ran until I couldn’t breathe
for the father who told me to
for a glass of water
And last night,
I choked down a bitter bottle
to feel something a little sweeter

All the while, I dreamed
strawberry milk dreams of
a future, spinning like blue cotton candy
the blank, white canvas of a life to live
of your lips, stained blue with frosting
and bubblegum, passed from your mouth
to mine.
This is a poem about my journey, I guess. I had a pretty dysfunctional life growing up, and it's about fighting through stuff and coming out the other side. The last stanza is the trans pride colors. Because escaping from my reality and becoming the girl I felt like I was is the thing that gets me through all the other stuff.
I was a porcelain puppet
You pulled my strings

So I had no choice but to
Obeyed your abusive commands

You controlled me

I had  become accustomed
to your twisted instructions

For so long That I was too afraid
To detach myself from
the strings you wrapped around me

You told me
I would be nothing without you

And for a while I was nothing without you
Because you broke me so badly
That no one else wanted me

Until the kind Girl with the
rosie cheeks and the golden heart
Taught me what love really is

It isn’t the control and strings
Its seeing that I am more than just a object
for others to take advantage of

I am kind, smart and beautiful
And I can survive without a puppeteer
I can thrive on my own.
I wish someone told me,

Love is not putting your  pleasure before my  protection
Love is not believing my body is your toy
Love is not being forced into anything I don't want to do

Because I lifted my shirt in an attempt to heal your broken mind
I silenced myself, my voice, my protests for your apology

Yet You held the gun to your  head
Made me believe I was the one
who made you feel as though you were better off dead

I'm still scared to look at my phone at night
Because of the chance the ringing is another suicide call

“Why did you break up with me,
You said you loved me,
If you hang up ill kill myself”

You were a disease
plagued by your own mind and  fixation
Tell my why did I have to be your victim!?
You told me we  "accept the love we think we deserve",
and I think of you and all the ways you broke my body, my curves

I was your coloring book , your fists  were the pencils colouring me in,
blue, purple, red, completely branding my skin.

I'd apologise for making you mad,
convincing myself that I was the one who was bad...

but really you were the shooter hunting  me down,
The one holding my head underwater hoping I'd drown.

You told me we "accept the love we think we deserve"
As I sat there reflecting on our "love" with reserve,

What we had wasn't love, it was manipulation
Caused by your irrational fixation

The boy i onced loved became the man i feared
Gee 3d

A simple term,
It means so little.
But yet explains a lot.
Still not heard by,
People with forcible dreams.
With these two letters,
Able to enlighten my opinion,
On the oncoming situation.
Yet the ignorance of your needs,
Portray importance over,
The simple yet powerful two lettered word.
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