I learned to stop dancing with the memory of you
to stop hoping someone else might fit in the depression your body left on my mattress
you were not my saving grace
I wake up in the morning and my sheets kiss my bare skin
the sun running across my shoulders, warmer than your hands ever felt
I am whole without you, I am whole by myself

It was never this easy
            Never this easy to cry
But the sorrow haunts me
And the thought of not having you
                is enough
                          to break walls and constelations.

Yet, I don't want any of that
                             Except you
And your mad smile
And waking up electryfied with the sight
                             of your breasts and the smell of eggs cooked
First thing in the morning

june 23, 2017   10:32 a.m.

Braced against the dawn
Rising above purdah mist
My solitude breaks

Lifted by morning
My lit face turns so slowly
Longing for lost hush

Stirred, shaken, summoned
My cautious foot stretches out
Into the first light

Watchin 'The Art of Japanese Life' on BBC iPlayer

Waking up to birds
Darkness always leads to light
Each step forward counts

I had been waiting noon to evening
But It was busy day couldn't any say
I'll be waiting up to morning
Maybe for a new day
  
It's pretty bunch at your quick lunch
Brighting photo yours flower tattoo
Nothing, I have to learn yours motto
I'll be waiting up to morning
Maybe for a new day
  
This is mid night sloth all might
Glad smile and great happy
Now you are tired so sleepy
I'll be waiting up to morning
Maybe for a new day
  
Then everything is alright
Again will be bright
And give some shine ray
On the way at blue bay
Sorry, for been kind of a hectic day.....

First light offers its quiet
consolation to the wakeful.

In the dark you discover
day already begun.

The black branches
of the piñon tree
hold night like water.
Moonlight lingers

on rock and sand, slow
to let the earth resume
its dusty colors
after the silver hours.  

The last star gives
way, submitting
to the greater light.

Day does not break,
but touches each surface
with slow and secret
blue, the color of blessing.

I feel speechless, a word I often use when a word becomes a word all too much.
I can feel them crawling up my throat but there's a barricade and my brain has too much,
my tongue has rested and my lips are tired of the secrets they speak.
My heart is heavy and my nerves are shot with God knows what.
I feel transparent and all I wish I could do is absorb myself into the ground and let myself disappear beneath a garden of unspoken words that I cannot fathom speaking at this very moment.
"It's just one of those nights,"
I tell myself and all I want to do is stare up at my ceiling and feel the hot tears stream down my face because even making the sound of pain is exhausting to me.
I can't cry out,
I can't let the words roll off my tongue in hopes I have run out of words to say but tonight, I have.
I've run out of anything and everything to speak of and my body is tired.
I want to speak but my eyelids wish to close and my lungs wish to reunite with the oxygen that I have let go in hopes I can kill myself unto a slow and steady comatose underneath a blanket of bittersweet pain.
I am tired of explaining what I feel,
tired of defending something I shouldn't defend, tired of hearing death is near.
I'm oh so tired and all I want to do right now is sleep and never wake up.

Coma.

what are we, i ask myself
   i own
      no statement
only feeble questions

i see your blushing face asleep on trash
but i could never see my freezing heart
at ease at the fire's eager edge, only in it

now i offer life anew at your brick and mortar altar
where once i'd incinerate my own skin
maybe if i pray hard, i'll pray your apathy away
when words are all i have to give
it's the most fitting gift to receive

i suppose
      so

when i consign my primal urge to dead space
i consign in full view of destinies lost
grow dead to human touch

sniffing all the lacquer off your short nails
quick to bed, while high i await morning's rise
wakeful through the night, tooth to lip

   my wanting hand

      silently crawls

     my tender thigh

check out the debut album by Dream Car

Stay in bed ma'u'ven,
Let me hold you in these sheets.
Allow your mind to drift away.
My arms will keep the morning at bay
and offer a small peace to the toils
occurring in your chest,
A hum, a touch, a second of bliss
will mark my attempt to fill a void
residing in the pocket of your lungs,
and in the buzz of our tongues.

went a bit nerd, ma'u'ven is Elvhen for "My star"

I wake up alive everyday
With a desire of forgetting
All what that ever happened

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