I wonder when you will die. It is inevitable, I suppose. But I have been so focused Upon my own mortality, I forgot All about yours. With your jovial pursuit of nothing, No impossible search for purpose (Destined to end) You seemed immortal. For a short time, you gave me joy. *give me joy. On drugs like those, Mourning is unnecessary. The future will not come to you, Not while you move Nor while you rest Not in my arms I cradle your mind in mine You will never need to attain rest While you are at peace with me And I have a piece of you That you cannot live without: Even your heart. And without life, you shall never die.
the trees lost to me as I reach underneath to pick myself back from the cold hard depths of deaths satisfactory grasp I continue to reach for a blooming rose that is all too pure to reach I settle for a bit of grass wandering around the new fountain of this old, new town I reach for the image of my love grasping and pulling, she vanishes into the blackest waters of a now old fountain of my youth I now look out for a sign of fellow “being” I grab my neck thinking of new ways to comfort myself in the black lagoon of this broken white marbled fountain sleeping underneath the old broken tree reminded of my youth I make a plea A plea for the old, the weak, and all those beneath I plead for my love, she now carries my knees for me time stands still and I'm not strong willed broken and still, the world moves without me they find the truth and everyone leaves I've made my peace with it and grew well I'm not young, no longer in a shell, but I still believe in my own personal ****
She wails at me From her forgotten cove Perched atop a steel mast. I listen to her, Though shrill her voice rings, Yet I do not run. People scamper away like ants Escaping extinction, But when she beckons, My feet stay locked.
The fire cleanses all As it nears, And her voice Shall lead me to...
i won't be ready when death decides to take me to infinity. nobody will be. but i'm never going to be ready if death decides to take you before me.
that's why i've prayed for death to take me before you.
- katrina ******
before anybody freaks out, i'm completely okay! i'm not having some mental breakdown or existential crisis. i've already dealt with both.
here's why i wrote this piece. i do write about death a lot. in a way, it helps me deal with it and manage the inevitability much better than i used to. writing about death normalizes it for me.
this particular piece right here was written during a time when i had a severe existential crisis. i kept asking myself, "what's the point of anything if it's all going to end someday anyways? what is the meaning of anything? what am i even doing? where am i going to go once i'm gone? what happens to everyone?" blah blah blah.
the truth is, i think about death every single day. but death really scares me when i think about losing a loved one.
my mom once told me, "the hardest thing about death isn't you dying, it's losing someone and having to deal with the loss after they're gone."
i sometimes think about what life is going to be like when a loved one passes away. i've never lost a close loved one. i don't know what the grief is going to feel like and it's terrifying. i can only imagine how painful it is.
what if the pain is too much to handle?
i admit that i've asked god to take me first. ultimately, i have no control over what He decides to do. when you love and care for someone so much, you can't bear thinking about what it's going to be like to lose them. so sometimes you think it'll be easier if you're gone first.