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Wow, understanding the concepts of half a differential equations course online
completely integrated five years of physics concepts
along with all my self-study of calculus and manifolds.
Yet still I march on.

"increase my wonder at Thee"
that I have to do math problems to understand it,
doesn't realize that doing unsolvable problems still leaves me confused.
And I'm back to where I was before I did the problems (okay not really),
but there is nothing wrong with note taking, watching, listening, and reading math without problems.
THere is nothing wrong with reading, writing, listening, and watching math without problems.
"There's a point where you know just enough to be dangerous, but not enough to fully understand."
Whatever is most left out of a class is what the equilibrium of ignorance will revert back to.
So choose what to leave out.
The self-learner and the student both realize that "I" have learned nothing over and over again.
Information is just a tool for recognizing qualities,
and will forever be preserved in its innocence/stupidity.
If I can't make something into logical sense via concepts, then I make it spacially sensical by knowing certain aspects  of a class have repeated.
E.g. in my brain I label a verse with tabs pertaining to a previous line of thought.
E.g. like playing target practice.
210 college credits...
5 years of understanding physics concepts...
and 9 months of math problems...
makes me still freshman.
Every day in math I face the halting problem:
whether I can finish a proof,
or whether I will go on trying to prove forever.
At any given point
all problems become an undecidable problem.
Time for a break.
finn Apr 30
What’s the biggest number
I inquire aloud
And the scholars fidget.

Is it not infinity
I say
Because it’s endless?
And the mathematicians squirm.

Infinity isn’t a number
They say, besides,
There is bigger.

They teach and I learn
Of what lies higher
Than what’s supposedly highest
Alephs and ordinals and omegas
Endless endless unknowns
That just keep coming

Each swallows whole the infinity before it
Perhaps they could use a digestive
(Or two, or three, or infinite).

I don’t quite comprehend
But it’s alright
I know even when they don’t

Whatever numbers or symbols or axioms
The academics present
However high the ceiling rises
However incomprehensible

I know

I’ll love you more than that.
i actually love math lol, this is dedicated to a friend who was complaining about it
A Deco Apr 30
it happened and my heart quickened
and I want you to feel the pain like I did
but for the reasons
I felt it

I wanted to say sorry

but I only did what was set to be done

what was to be proven

I didn't know what I set to do

I had no intention of proof

no bar to high jump over
at one point pole vault

apathetic occupation when it didn't belong

but it stands to no more reason

what was to be shown

is what had to be done

jigyasa Apr 30
life is an equation.

not a simple y = mx + b curve

rather one with countless variables
leading to one solution with each combination

think about it.

what I call variables, philosophers would call free will
and albeit a select number of variables are within our control
hundreds of others are not

if you find yourself stuck
with a conclusion you deem incorrect
or a development you know can't be the answer
always remember that your input controls the output

change the variables within your control
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