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Sometimes all I have are scattered thoughts
Completely opposite than yours
I keep wondering why
the entire world is staring at me
Judging me for living my life
Am I supposed to prove everyone wrong?  
Why does it always feel like I am forced to act the way I do?  
As if wearing a hijab meant I was a perfect Muslimah
I was not.
I don’t wear my hijab anymore.
I’m still not a perfect Muslimah.

Sometimes I just want to take a walk
In a dark forest
All alone
And pretend I’m lost
What if I am lost for real?
Will you look for me?

I wonder if losing myself physically will give me enough time to find myself mentally
And when I return
You will see me full
Happy and sad
But this time
I’ll know how to be sad
And find myself out
I won’t let my sadness define who I am
I will feel worthy.
I will have courage
And motivation
And I will continue to educate myself

A friend of mine once told me
"Everyone becomes a baby when they first start learning something. They have to be."
Zywa 4d
A profession lasts and lasts
a lifetime in weal and woe
about 100,000 hours

of doing what is possible
as if you don't care
that your wishes are impossible

doing what is possible
as if it is all over
and you enjoy every addition

alternately gasping for air
in the flood and being dry
in the ebb in the midst of the hissing

breathing of the algae – the waves
of divided CoWorking
in a world full of kings and cows

but I am neither –
Why should I choose
Cow or King?

I know my responsibilities
and my duties as a citizen
how I should behave

as a man, what I should do
and not do, and what my path is
as a woman, how I am just a person

in clothes that caress me
For Marije Semmelink #2

Diatom/alga (bacillariophyt) Hantzchia virgata, a eukaryote

Collection “Once more"
Jay M Jun 2019
Trapped
Within the confines of your own mind
Unable to escape
The prison cell it has become

Calling;
"Please, don't leave me!"

Yet
None can hear
These cries for help
And none are registered
For you wear a mask
Of flesh

"Hopeless..."
Comes a whisper
"You are hopeless..."

You can't take back
What is in the past

I'd love to leave it all behind
But I can't let it go
Lie to myself
How could I?

Forever afraid
Of being loved

Put the bottle down
I tell myself
Again and again
For the 100th time
It seems...

I do anything
Just to feel
Alive

I look the same
But I'm not fine
No matter what I told you
I am;
Broken
Bleeding
Lost and defeated

I am merciless
To myself
Merciful
To all else

I am just another casualty

When they least expect it
It will strike
Taking a hit
Shooting me down

This is me;
The monster
Revealed
Right before your eyes

What do you think of me now?

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019
I've been a combination
of many things:

Window slats
& Roman numerals

Door knobs
& swimming pools

Bulletproof glass
& Magic Wand Massagers

Bird droppings
& ruffled feathers

The beginnings of a migraine
& a burst of birdsong

Alas!
My heart was never into it

Not one could return me
To sinus rhythm
Zywa 6d
Speaking with my hands, with my feet
...with my fists, with rain, and furious storm
in 'pass'words I am composing who I am
...with arm blows and stamping, without thinking

about who I am, who if you fight with me
...when there is a gale in our blood
and you too are crying yourself free while you dance
...my soul connected with your heart

heaven found in each other's hands
...our steps follow the sun
my whole body understands
...who I am
my whole body understands
...what is moving me
For Madelief de Kok #1 (October 18, 2015)

Collection “The drama”
Zywa 7d
Sometimes I miss me,

as I used to know myself –


as I want to be.
For Maria Godschalk #89

Collection "Paint overwritten"
Julia Oct 17
i put on vertigo today
to relate to the slow flooding of green
i came to the circling score
remembering how I used to get slapped
when scotty embraces made-over judy
i couldn’t help but cry as i fear
i want to be made-over too
in someone else’s image
Beckie Davies Oct 15
my identity is printed
in the groove of your spine
your identity
is
entwined
with

mine.
we became so entangled and now we are one
Big Virge Oct 14
So What Would You Say... ?
If You Had The Chance...
To Speak To... YOURSELF...
In Your Younger Days... ?!?

Would You... ?
Choose To ADVANCE....
Your Mental State... ?
Or Would You Relay... ?
A Way To Earn WEALTH...
So That You Could Change...
How You Live Today... ?!?

Well That Would Indicate....
A LACK of... " Faith "...
In The Choices You've Made...
And Where It Is You Lay...
And WHO It Is You've LAID... !!!!!!

Well Now I Would Say...

" Make LOVE To The Ladies,
BEFORE You Have Babies !

By THIS I Mean...
Take TIME To GLEAN...
What It Is SHE SEES...
As A LOVING Family... !!!

DON'T JUST RUSH IN...
Because of What You THINK...

If You Have DOUBTS...
Then THRASH THEM OUT... !!!!!

Before You Find...
That She's NOT Your Type... !!!

... CUT OUT The Lies... !!!

Let TRUTH DEFINE...
The Path You Find...
To Live Your Life... !!!!!

REMEMBER THAT Some...
WILL... RUN Their GUMS... !!!

To Try To IMPRESS...
When They Have LESS... !!!

LESS Than... YOU...
BELIEVE That's TRUE... !!!

So... ALWAYS Be Gracious...
When Dealing With HATERS... !!!

Cos' You'll Find Their...
.... Brain Status....
Is On A... HIATUS... !!!!!

Because.....
MOST OF Their Thoughts... ?
Come Out of THEIR ****... !!!!!!

MANY A FOOL Will Try To PROVE...
That They've Been Schooled...
In... ALL THAT's Shrewd....
When... ISSUES RULE... !!!
The Way They Move... !!!!!

Some ARE Cool...
BUT Only A FEW... !!!

DON'T Sign Contracts... !!!
To Join With Mans'...
Who CONTROL Gangs...
With SCISSOR Type Hands... !!!

They'll CUT You OFF...
Just Like Bernie MADOFF'...  
Once You've Been USED... !!!

DON'T Be Confused... !?!?!
THAT's... FUTURE News... !!!!!

STAY TRUE To YOU... !!!
DON'T Follow Crews... !!!!!!

Lead YOUR OWN Path... !!!
And Follow YOUR HEART... !!!

And ENSURE That You HAVE...
By KNOWING Your Math... !!!!

PROTECT Your Cash... !!!
If You Get To Be A Man...
Who AIN'T POOR Like That... !!!
And Have A Fair Amount...
When HOUNDS SURROUND... !!!

DON'T Beg Steal or Borrow... !!!!
Or Carry Your Sorrow... !!!

Learn To Swallow...
Instead of Wallow...
In Pity Or Tomorrow...
You'll End Up Feeling...
... HOLLOW... !!!!!

Emptiness Leads.......
To The Type of Sprees...
That You DON'T NEED... !!!

LISTEN UP TRUST ME...... !!!!!!!!

I Can See That You Feel...
That People AREN'T Real... !!!!!
Well Here's The Deal... !!!!!

A LOT of People... "conceal"...
Who They REALLY ARE... !!!

So Just Be... " SMART "...
When They EXPOSE Their CARDS... !!!

The TRUTH WILL OUT... !!!
DON'T You EVER Doubt...
That Lies They... "Hide"...
WON'T ONE DAY Find...
Their Way To The LIGHT... !!!!!

Where... " TRUTH and RIGHTS "...
SHINE Like.... SUNLIGHT.... !!!!!

And EXPOSE Their Crimes...
Like.... " C.S.I "....

FORGET THAT Line... !!!!!!!!!
Cos' That's For PRIMETIME...
In The Future Alright... !!!

Don't Be TOO ******* Yourself... !!!
..... Have A LAUGH..... !!!!!

Cos You're STRONGER Than Most...
And That's NO BOAST.... !!!!!

You'll Hear A LOT of Quotes...
That'll ROCK Your Boat.., !!!

But You'll STAY AFLOAT... !!!

So Just REMEMBER And NOTE...

That... Like *******...
EGO's Fry Brains... !!!!!

And Then They Make CLAIMS...
That Are... INSANE... !!?!!

Things REALLY WON'T Change...
When It Comes To RACE... !!!

Son Your BLACK Face...
Will HAVE TO Sustain...
A LOT of IGNORANCE...

It's A Human STAIN...
From Which Some...
... WON'T REFRAIN... !!!

And Sadly WILL Defend...
EVEN When They Have NO CASE... ?!?

DON'T LET Your Anger...
... "CONTROL You"... !!!!!

DON'T **** That Hammer...
Just REFUSE Those Tools...
That... KILLERS USE... !!!!!

USE Your HEAD... !!!
And Try USING A PEN... !!!

Because YOUR Poetic PATENT...
May Well Just Be Your TALENT... !?!

Use It WISELY... Use It NIGHTLY...
Use It Like Your Name's RON ISLEY... !!!

LOVE Your Mother...
Like She LOVES YOU... !!!
DON'T Let ANY SUCKER...
Come Between You Two... !!!

She's Gonna NEED YOU...
MORE THAN You Know... !!!!!

Let Your Father GO.....
And REFUSE To FEUD... !!!

Just Be.... COOL....
And PATIENT TOO... !!!

And NOW Here's The...
... " FINAL THING "...
That I'll Say To YOU... !!!!!

When You Are LOW...
And Feel... Sad And Blue...

It'll Work Out FINE... !!!
RELAX Your Mind... !!!!!
Just LIVE YOUR LIFE..... !!!

Just Like THIS Script...
That Came From THIS...

Speaking To... ME...
In A Time and Space...
Where The Question Would Be...

Now That You Are Face To Face...
With The Virge of YESTERDAY....

… In All HONESTY...

" What Would You Say ? "
As a man who never wanted children, this is I guess, as close as i'll ever get, to having those conversations that parents have with their children, I also found it to be an interesting way to explore, and look back at one's own life too !
Nico Judd Oct 11
I’m not writing this.
I’m not writing this
because you’d never understand
And I don’t feel like
Feeling stupid

My chords vibrate deeply
when struck by the right person
Spit runs from my mouth
cooling cheeks in streaks of drool
I will not wipe away

You are many things
but you are not
that person.

Remote monochrome;
Colorblind critic;
Pale palette; and
Connoisseur of stale bread

You are pretty
and preserved behind glass
Every hair in place
Curtsy and bow
Curtsy and bow

And that is fine.
That is fine with me.
But not fine enough.
For me.

There are no words for
the shades inside.
Hues you couldn’t see
Even If I were to...
show this to you

There’s so much beauty in the circus.
But you’re the kind of person
who says they hate clowns
Because saying you hate clowns
renders you on the side
of the cool girl in school
(Because of course she hates clowns)

Don’t you understand?
Their performance is not the end, but the means.
The moulding of emotional clay
into a figure you should, but can’t quite, recognize

Shapes that catch you off guard
Stupid grey-brown lumps(!)
mocking the masterpiece you think you must be
Painted faces
parody the unblessed

So I won’t tell you this
because the main act scares you enough
Lifting the curtain
to this wild and unbound hyperbole
would get us all killed

Instead, I’ll stay
on the seedy side
of the canvas wall
and sing all the notes
that your ears cannot hear,

unmask that which is deeply unseen,
collide my vocal chords
with the calliope’s tinkering pitch
Shoulders unhinged and bouncing
like Shirley temple’s curls
on a soda fountain whim

Cuz I am everything all at once
and we are the freaks
who will sparkle beneath the canopy’s great haven
Throw our arms round each other
telling and showing and writing it all

Crying, with throats unbridled.

Shouting,

See me!
See me!
See me!
Written September 7, 2020
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