Just fading, fading in and not out. A wide eyed, glazed stare. Looking so deeply, at nothing. Loving deeply, loving intensely.
I must be insane. So clearly, so erotically,    insane.

Thinking you'll be here. Waiting for the call. Your words. A surprise, to wake up, to see you, to see you want what isn't there. For it to be fulfilling, and to be my satisfaction.
Wanting to say no, I'd say yes, and then always asking myself why.
So intensely, so lovingly, so delusional.    so insane.
Like when you're tired. So sleepy, you nod your head. As if it were 50 lbs and you keep driving anyway. The second your eyes close longer than the average blink, you burst out of the trance as if electrocuted. Startling yourself, pissed.
So angered at the mere thought of falling asleep at the wheel. No harm done, but still shook by where you almost were. The point you almost reached
I'm done wanting the ring. The sound of the phone. The regret and hope in the tone. Your voice can be heard by another, but not me.
I want to love myself, as much as I've loved the idea, of love.
I heard if i love life, that it will love me back.
What if I'm done expecting anything in return,
Could I still, love life
What if I just let life do whatever it feels,
And I take care of the love part, for myself.
spiral-whirl Feb 15
sometimes i sit and watch them ponder,
mindless thoughts I think but none to spill,
no words to spill out onto the blank page that i have carved into their minds,
it drives them insane, makes them furrow their eyebrows, scowl, ponder, wonder,
i do not speak,
for words twist and turn, knotting into lies,
i do not lie,
so i do not speak.
simple as it is,
however i think its funny how they try to understand me,
they struggle to understand,
i believe they are blind to the common sense that was so given to them,
maybe it was taken away,
then again,
if they wish to understand, understand me,
just look at the words I can write.
vera Feb 13
i would like to say that i love you
but i am still not quite sure what love is
is it the way your stomach fills with air
and your tongue swells up to take the entire capacity of your mouth
and your legs go limp?

or is it when your heart aches so much that it
bursts out of its place and lands on your finger tips
then it stops beating and you lie in the sheets
waiting for something to happen?

or is it when every word that seeps
out of their mouth is like
sweet honey
that you crave so badly
and when they speak it overwhelms
all of your senses at once?

is it all of these things?
or could it be none of them at all?
i would really like an answer
i would really like to know
because i still dont quite understand it

and no one seems to understand it either
jas Feb 11
em>poetry
does not define me
I define poetry
It's like...

A constant stream of frightening images that I can't stop looking at.

Constantly flashing and changing and growing and spinning and I cant turn it off.

And some days I can handle it in silence. It's not so bad. I've seen it before and everything is fine now.

But other days... an image will flicker and the lights will go out and the room will start shaking and I can't understand how you're just SITTING THERE.

Like the world isn't falling apart...

Suddenly It's like I'm screaming and no one can hear me.

I can imagine my arms are flailing and no one can see it happening.

I  can slam my hand on a table- and you might see that- finally- but you don't understand why.

You just look at me like a frightened child, and take a step back.

And I realize I'm broken...

And I'm breaking you too.
Here I sit, the modern day,
With cares and worries, I can't wish away,
A child of four yet a lonely soul,
no one with me as I grow old.

While music plays I feel no beat,
Depression's heavy hand keeps me in my seat,
"What will I do? What will it take?",
"Must I keep wishing my life away?".

"You need a girl!" The father says,
"She will put your fears to rest",
The mother preaches, "You need your health",
"You need to look after yourself".

They do not understand the pain,
This new world is not the same,
Their old world in which they lived,
Was filled with joy and glee and bliss.

In my world, the current, the new,
Shame, gloom and death run true,
Friends are few, the trust is gone,
What happened world, what went wrong?

This life is hard, this life is tough,
I know now that I've had enough,
My time has come, I cannot stay,
Here I sit Reaper, come and slay.
Benji James Feb 7
She's staring out of her window
as the cars roll by
Thoughts in her head
thinks she is better off dead
Nothing further from the truth
Girl come on get your chin up
There's more to you than meets the eye
Forget what all the haters say
Forget about impressing that guy
True beauty comes from within
Through your actions
and your heart

Girl you've got a confidence
Girl you just shine
Don't listen to what
those haters say
Get ready to blow some minds
You've got style
With a whole lot of grace
Essence oozing out your soul
You tried laying your heart down girl
You put it all on the line
But now you've got a world to grasp
A mark to make, with every smile you take
To be encrypted into the stars of the night
for the rest of time

Hey girl, don't get broken hearted
Down on your luck
Cuz you ain't out of this race
With a little positivity, you can change
Your whole mindset
Get those negative feeling
out of your head
You've got the mic
You've got the thrown
You've got the spotlight
Girl, don't you know.
Don't carry all this weight on your shoulders
Leave it on the floor
Set yourself free,
Come on girl and just soar

Girl you've got a confidence
Girl you just shine
Don't listen to what
those haters say
Get ready to blow some minds
You've got style
With a whole lot of grace
Essence oozing out your soul
You tried laying your heart down girl
You put it all on the line
But now you've got a world to grasp
A mark to make, with every smile you take
To be encrypted into the stars of the night
for the rest of time

You've been bathing in pools of doubt
Girl, I am here to pull you back out
So if you are feeling down in misery
Don't hold it in and leave it a mystery
Sometimes you've got to just strut
Just don't give a fuck
forget about the make up
Natural face, sweatpants
Don't need the leather or lace
You're beautiful, just as you are
Let in a little light
That can carry you far

Girl you've got a confidence
Girl you just shine
Don't listen to what
those haters say
Get ready to blow some minds
You've got style
With a whole lot of grace
Essence oozing out your soul
You tried laying your heart down girl
You put it all on the line
But now you've got a world to grasp
A mark to make, with every smile you take
To be encrypted into the stars of the night
for the rest of time

Boy says you ain't special
Forget em
Boy think his got you
right where he wants you
Gives you all of these lame lines
You've seen this shit like a billion times
Can't help but sit back and roll your eyes
He thinks he can just cut you off
in the middle of a conversation
He thinks your whole world
should revolve around him
But girl, Don't let him
"You wanna know why?
Alright, alright...
I'll tell you why."

Girl you've got a confidence
Girl you just shine
Don't listen to what
those haters say
Get ready to blow some minds
You've got style
With a whole lot of grace
Essence oozing out your soul
You tried laying your heart down girl
You put it all on the line
But now you've got a world to grasp
A mark to make, with every smile you take
To be encrypted into the stars of the night
for the rest of time

©2018 Written By Benji James
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