Are you okay?
Yeah, I’m all good.
My body sways, moves out of my control, thrown around as if I were a leaf in the wind. Waves of dark water crash over me, enveloping me from head to toe, stinging my skin and sending pulses of cold pain through my bones.
Nothing, don’t worry.
I struggle to hold myself steady, to hold my head above the water as currents threaten to drag me down, as waves crash past my head, filling my lungs with water.
Do you need to talk?
Nah, I’m fine.
As if a tendril had reached up from the depths and wrapped around my ankle, I felt a hold on me, pulling me down. My head goes under, and its black, and its cold, and my lungs are frozen.
Figures swirl around me in the darkness, blacker than black, whispering and taunting.
You’re a fuck-up.
It’s your fault.
Why don’t you just disappear?
You’re a waste of attention, you’re a waste of money.
Why do they bother? There’s no helping you.
I kick and writhe, I scream soundlessly, I try to pull my way up to the surface.
But I can’t.
My body goes limp, and the words devour me, and my tears are lost in the black water around me.
That black is all I am.
I am nothing but dark thoughts.
I am nothing but anger, and sadness, and jealousy and hatred.
I’m never gonna see the sun again.
It feels like forever.
And it’s so fucking tiring.
I begin to float, the tendrils loosening their grip on me.
It’s gonna be okay.
I kick. It hurts to, but I kick.
I break through the surface, gasping for breath.
I love you.
And I look up, and I see the sun.
his voice makes me feel safe.