I can’t stand looking in the mirror. Just wanting to slice away the imperfections. Want to rip my veins to never feel again. To succumb to the nothingness that I am. Be something for someone in the afterlife. Enough leftover pain to make them cry. For being the spitting image of what I lack. You should know, scrolling through your phone, seeing the prettiest beings with their legs spread wide open and fingers in their mouth drooling for your eyes to see them.
and I just think: ****, I just want to be enough for you.
When I feel Inadequate I get the urge to Cut Like slicing my Arm Would make me Worthy Would make me Enough As if Devouring My flesh would Prove That I am as they Say I am Not good Enough Not good Enough. No. I'm More Than Enough.
My new mamager always tells me everything im doing wrong. Never gives me the credit for taking on the job of 3 staff members. I cant keep giving if the taker is never satisfied.
We've all imagined Wedding dresses and vails growing up losing our pig-tails and overalls trading them in for beach waves and crop tops only for the person in our Reflection to turn into a complete s t r a n g e r
staring blank faced at a girl you can't recognize anymore drawing imaginary lines on our bodies with our eyes cutting away the imperfections with our hands shaped as scissors,
wishing we could look like the models in the magazines or the actresses on the tv screens But, society tells us we can Never be Skinny enough Never be Pretty enough That our features will NEVER be Good e n o u g h
Because the girl in the mirror who has lost all hope can Never amount to what we have been taught from the time we could walk and talk what beautiful is;
We went from carefree children to teens who are depressed and anxious all the time most of us addicted to Nicotine and Alcohol our parents tell us to smile and quit with the attitudes but behind closed doors we criticize ourselves enough
The little girl in her pigtails playing with everyone on the playground so innocent so pure get labeled as a racist in the 6th grade because her skin is white
By the time she enters high school she knows better than to state an opinion, the teachers know Best, never stand up to a man, he's superior to you, even when behind the closed doors he touches you when you say STOP but you know better than to say something cause you had to have wanted it, take it as a compliment, it just means you're pretty
if you say anything you'll be labeled as a W h o r e if you keep quiet it's an invitation for M o r e
people asking "why do you flinch at a simple touch?" how do you explain years of torment to a complete s t r a n g e r, you don't, you smile and act dumb
pretty is a vocabulary word to describe anyone but the girl that is seen in the mirror because she is Not Good e n o u g h and she knows that
she has lost friends cause she can't trust them
she changes her style monthly
trying sooo hard just to be accepted she doesn't remember the little girl in pigtails, she doesn't remember what a real smile looks like, the pain behind her eyes c l o u d s her reality the voice in her head telling her "you're eating too much" "you're an idiot" "you'll never amount to anything" and she s l o w l y fades away til there is nothing left to put back together cause her mind and heart are s c a t t e r e d aimlessly shes numb and she thinks, this is what happiness feels like no more pain no more criticizing No, more pretending to be okay