Grace Ann 40m
My best friend doesn't have a physical body
I feel her more than my own skin sometimes.
She tends to come and go as she pleases--
It's always unpredicatble and univited
but I always feel obligated to cater to her needs
like a good hostess should to their guest

It gets old so quickly
I don't even want to get up and cook breakfast for her anymore
so we starting eating out
until its too hard to even leave the house
so she tells me that we can stay in bed and have sleepovers like the good old times
I don't remember those times

She likes to play with my hair
she's not very good at it though
it always ends up in tangles and knots that take
hours and days to brush out once she leaves
because undoing her handiwork would make her sad

I try to tell her sometimes that her being here is too much
it starts to affect my job
my life
my health

I try to get her to leave
I've been here so long she says
just a little longer she says
what would you do without me she says
I'll just move in she says

She's my best friend but--
she wont pay rent
she has never been a friend to hygiene
she doesn't know how to do laundry
or cook
or clean
she'd rather lay around all day than hold down a job

I want her to go
I want her to go
Why won't she go
Julie 8h
I miss the voices inside my head
they all seem to be dead
you were always there
and it wasn't fair
at first you scared me
knocked me on my knees
then I learned to ignore
stop waging a war
we became one
and a new era begun
I heard voices for well over 3 years and now with my new medication they're gone I became so used to them that now in an odd way I miss them sometimes
Shona 11h
I found my self worth buried deep
underneath the core of the problem.
Sulking and wilting in the garden
of his spoken words.
Cruel and unkind surrounding every colour
and every path,
Dripping from every petal and every leaf
to the last
placement of where I no longer seek to be.

I found validation from myself,
Not within the stares from you or
the apparent love from him.
His words are still plastered into my brain
and my insecurity is still worse off,
But I found peace and contentment.
I found optimism and care,
Radiated through my surroundings.

I found that I deserved more than to be
cheated and hurt,
Emotionally distraught to humiliation and
bleeding in bedding.
Suffocation from the sheets and I couldn't sleep.
Now I've found acceptance.
And I can move on.

                                    — validation.
Shona 13h
“You’ve made me feel like shit, again,” I say
to myself mentally,
Aiming it more so towards my anxiety
Yet again.
Another snooping situation, mixed into the
incapability of walking away.

I can’t leave things alone.
My mind wishes to know every ounce of
detail but I, personally, don’t really care.
I want to write, sleep and live freely
without a form of worry blanketing me and
stopping me from breathing in deeply to
calm down.

However I let it do what it pleases,
regardless of whether I’m stuck with a
depressed feeling and sorrowful tune
surrounding me.
I tell myself, “You just have to ride through
it.” And for the first time, it’s easy,
But after that it becomes tiresome and
boring and all you want is for the feeling
to go away.
I am the only person who can make it go
away, but I can’t.
I hold onto it unintentionally, as if a part of
me will disintegrate if I let go.
And so we fall into a never ending cycle of
my anxiety,
Where I ask myself continuously “When will
it end?”
And my mind tells me it’s not entirely sure
but that I should be grateful for what it’s
giving me.
That it’s giving me safety and
cautiousness, helping me not to be
percieved as too naive.
But I don’t care for that much anymore.

So instead of ridding of my anxiety,
I’m always ridding of those who
unintentionally and unawarely have
created it for me.
It’s easier to be rid of you physically than
of something within my own mind.
Bexis 5d
We have the right to healthcare.
We have the right to be able to take care of ourselves.
But to what cost?

Here, have a plan but it will cost.
Here, have some free stuff but it's enough.
Oh you broke something and have to go to a hospital?

Well I hope you saved because thousands is what you'll share.
Can't pay other bills?
That's okay as long as you pay us.

Can't afford to keep going to therapy?
Mental health isn't a real thing.
You're just being lazy.

You want healthcare to be free?
What are you a communist?
We're Americans!
We don't follow anyone else's rules.
We are the best nation in the world.

That's what I see when it comes to health care.
Or anything in America.
Can some please pull everyone's head out of their asses?
Kylie 6d
You used to be a person, with pure skin and teeth,
but now you lie in soil six feet underneath,
All remains of you, they say,
is a grey stone plastered thin,
but I say to these people that they're thoughts are of sin.

Today is your birthday, but you can't eat your cake,
because my old friend you made a mistake,
im not blaming you, but should I blame the world?,
did they throw stones or did they spit and hurl?

Your memories last, but I can't make any new,
how id trade my life for a question to you,
I want to know reasons that I shall never know,
everyone is chanting, that I should just let go.

but all those times I spent, braiding your auburn hair,
those aren't what I throw away without a subtle care,
I miss you a lot, especially with this suns ray,
because the ninth of July will always be your day.
I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.
The original quote "I dont know how many times I survived myself, without telling anyone else.", which triggered the whole poem was written by @deadwatered. A talented poet I follow on tumblr.
Lyn-Purcell Jul 7
My black phone now rings
I heard news of my blood test
I am so relieved
Annnnnd... My blood is perfectly fine! Thank God for that!
Still doesn't explain my headaches but I'm glad my blood has no issue!
Lyn xxx
Kriti Gupta Jul 7
my scars own me
deep and dark
building bridges

my thoughts haunt me
spreading doubt
shovelling ditches
Bibby Jul 7
A man asked me why I was more afraid of people than I was a hopsital.

With a heavy, yet numb heart, I replied:

"I have had more IVs than I ever had hugs."
Simple late night vent.
Dealing with multiple chronic illnesses my whole life has left me with such a severe depression, sometimes I wish I could die than live like this.
In the passed month, I had been in E.Rs 9 times and admitted as well. As much as you'd think I would be relieved in the end I have treatment, and found a diagnosis after this years start of flare ups, infections, etc...
I wish at times I would just go to sleep and never wake up.
I am not someone who was ever strong against even the most simplest of pain, held strong in times when something came up, and I have severe anxiety about my health even if it is a small cough, every moment is watching the clock, pill bottles and appointments.

I know others have it worse out there, and I know there is hope...
But in moments like now, I see nothing more than pain the rest of my life and being a failure to every single person around me.

To those of you out there who know or deal with something like this...
I am so truly sorry.
Things like this, I would wish on NO ONE, not even the Devil himself.
I wish-as taken for granted as people are towards health and what they can have-
I would give anything to cure your soul than mine.

(Sorry to rant. It's late, I am trying to keep "dark thoughts" at bay.)

God bless everyone of you, and to good health may you always find.
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