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a week ago
i turned 26.

two days ago
i hurt myself again
for the first time
in four years.

this time i didn't
use the little blades
from my razor.

this time i
got more personal.
used my own fingernails
to dig deep for the life
i'm scared to live
beneath this skin.

then i took some
deep breaths in
& restarted the journey again.
yikes. isn't it so scary to be so honest with yourself?
morgan 3d
The way I grew up was learning to sympathize
with the people who didn't deserve it
to be kind to those
who broke my heart

“**** them with kindness”
my mother would always say
but what if the person who broke my heart was
my own father.
am i still expected to mourn and love this
man
this diseased, careless man.
pressing a bottle to his mouth became priority over
his own *******
family.

wine stained lips that muttered
apologies
“I'm sorry”
….“IM SORRY”

as i grow older i realize i too,
love putting the bottle to my lips
even maybe too much some nights.

everybody was right when they said
i will always have a piece of you.
that piece of you sadly seems to be your
addictive personality .. and those stained lips
I'm a sociopathic narcissist with suicidal tendencies
I never had no friend disease
I only see in enemy's
And eat these evil entities for energy
And hope they will be the end of me  
But something lives inside of me
And controls everything I'm meant to be mentally
Says I'm free from empathy and sympathy
With out no remedy
Now I'm pretty sure there's something your not telling me
Something that's propelling me to therapy
And never ever can it let me be
Simpley Ill sell my dignity for equality
Take bear s* but no goldly locks wants to swallow me
But you can follow me
It how it has to be
Drastically rapidly pulling apart your anatomy.
Deep in the game but only catch birds
Like a mathematically **** dastardly
Only FRACTIONLY
I never asked for life
Yet it found its way to me
Every time I try to hide it
The shame of it transcends me.

People look at me with fear
They see the madness in my eyes
And those who don't
Still see through all my lies.

They see me for who I am
A shell alone in the sand
And every time I reach for the waves
It's too far to understand.
It's not that I want to fail. . .
just that, if I am going to anyway
why not do it spectacularly?

At least there's gossip. . .
that counts for some,
thing
doesn't it?

Doesn't it?
I’m counting the slices that left
And the ones that populate your body.
You’re a beautiful being,
An ethereal creature with life.
It’s a life that belongs to you and it’s precious.
You are worth something
If not to you, then to me
So make the effort to own your value and use your voice.
You need oxygen to breathe
And eyes to see,
So why wouldn’t you need help to get better?
you said that life wasn’t fair
so you fell in love with death
aching to run away with him as if it’s an affair
waiting longingly for your last breath
you even wrote death a love letter
asking him to take you away forever
but you should’ve realized sooner
that death is charming and clever
that you’re dancing with the devil
as you sink into the noise of late night revels
that death fills your head with poison
and he corrupts your thought and reason
that death treats everyone the same
and when he takes you, he has finally won his game

- but aren’t we already in ****?
inhale.
1
hold it in your chest
2
hold it in your lungs
3
hold it in your heart
pause.
how long does it take to fill
4
a chest
5
your lungs
6
my heart
Stop.
exhale.
1
release your chest
2
release your lungs
3
release your heart
pause.
how do you feel
4
loneliness
5
anxiety
6
heartbreak
Stop.
linger.
1
inhale

pause
3
exhale
pause.
how could you
4
live
5
exist
6
die
Stop.
It’s mysterious the way the mind works
How your self worth can just
Wither away
And how your will just falters

How looking in the mirror
Can become a thing of fear
And you pick out each
Little flaw, each imperfection
When you can’t see your ribs
- You can never see your ribs -

How helping yourself
Turns into guilt
And how everyone stares
And picks you apart
And judges

But that is not you
It is your mind
Pulling away at you
Blurring the truth
As it rots
alec 7d
you move with a surge
a power that rolls through
across the vast expanse
of fields in dreamland

you **** everything in your path
the trees die, the leaves die,
the grass is no longer green
my sky no longer blue

you are the parasite
I am the vessel
you poisoned me and now you want out
and I want you out too

you claw your way out of my chest
and escape through my throat
in short puffs of desperate air
you steal my breath from me

you are the dark side of my thoughts
you are my fears, you are my doubts
you have become every part of me
you are anxiety
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