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my pain is never solely my own
for even when it was my body
that i was hurting
and when it was my heart
that was breaking
the people who really loved me
hurt too
because they loved me
and so my pain was their own
the same way their pain is mine

i’ve come to realise that
my story will hurt others
because it was full of my own hurt
and i think i hate that more than anything
more than the pain it held
if it doesn’t hurt me anymore
it shouldn’t hurt them either
but i know it does
and will
because their old pain hurts me too
because i love them

i think love is a mutual kind of pain perhaps
I really hate how this came out but whatever
If there was a language for walls,
It would mumble from broken jaws.
The sun would shine through fragmented holes,
The windows would magnify heat,
Until all was engulfed.

With confirmed dead inside.
No one knocks as they read inscribed:

"Family tree,
Difficulty,
Do not open."

"Family business,
Buy one,
One comes free,
Fire wood sale."
Kati 1d
I know
I know I handeld things the wrong way
I know I fucked up
and I knew it all along

and yes I could have changed it
and I wanted to
but in this very second I didn´t knew how

I know I am not a good person
and maybe I will never be
I know I hurt you
and I am sorry

I will try to change
I know it won´t change the past
and it will never repear it

but I have to change
because I know I am bad
I know the ugliness inside

and I wish I wouldn´t see it
I don´t know why
maybe to protect myself
maybe because hate is easier than the pain
maybe I wanna hurt others the way I was hurt
maybe because I just couldn´t believe
believe someone would actually love me

which doesn´t make it anymore right
I am sorry
for everything

This is my apology
my realisation
my truth

I will always regret it
I just want you to know that.
I believe that often we write about the things that hurt us or that are important to us, but lets face reality nobody is perfect and neither am I. I wanted ro show that, to admit that. Because I made wrong decisions before, but I decided that I have to change, for the better for myself. I hope the world can forgive me, I hope you can.
It seems to me that you're mistaken
I sense your yearning for a ghost
You fell in love with the best parts of me
Someone who I no longer know

And I've stayed hidden in the quiet
I've managed happiness, alone
Spent countless hours trying to heal me
Ignite the fire this world stole

And you want this ghost beside you
But ghosts can't give you any more
Can't give you something that they don't have
When they're not even half a whole

Ask for riches; you'll receive them
Ask me for treasure; you'll get gold
But dont you ask me for my heart
That can't be given, anymore
Leah 2d
Controlled by our feelings,
We often deal with a lot of bleeding,
Cast away and shut out to deal with our healing,
Never truly finding the meaning,
Of our bruise hearts often peeling.
Acceptance, the catalyst for healing,
When you accept it's value
10w
"Why can't you just write like a normal happy human?"

---

Writing used to be easy,
fairy tales of joy & ease an of words,
but momma says
thats for a little girl.

Now it's writing for perfection,
perfect punctuation,
perfect spelling,
perfect meaning.

What if I didn't want to be perfect,
what if I wanted to write easy?

To write with words that didn't complain of self hurt,
even when I'm dying on the inside.
To write with words of love and acceptance,
even when people around shove hate down my throat.
To write with words that show that things are okay,
even when they might not.
To write with words that people want to read,
even when all I say is a lie.

What if I wrote with my heart, as broke as it is,
what if I wrote it out,
and finally let it heal?
I have had this one for a couple years on a document with a question my friend asked, that's said above, and finally decided to put it somewhere for people to see.
You've made me so proud,
I'm so happy that you've allowed,
me to know that you've needed help,
and always telling me how you've felt.
I cannot begin,
To tell you the appreciation I have for you letting me in.
You're doing what you need,
to love yourself at your own speed.
I'm so glad you're making the right steps,
and are correcting the depths,
of your soul,
so you can finally be whole.
Everything about you is beautiful,
and soon you will know that too.
AS 2d
Anxiety,
                   Depression
                       ­                  Are
                                                The
                                                    Symptoms
                                                 Of
            ­                             Deep          
                             Rooted
        Occurences,
That
Need
          To
                Be
                      Faced.
   ­                               The    
                                          Longer
               ­                                        They    
                                           Fester,
                                     The
                       Severer
                The
Problems
     Will
              Get.
                      The
                   ­           Need
                                          To
    ­                                           Remember
                            Memories
                  Y­our
        Mind
Has
        Chosen
                      To
                           Forget.
                                        There
           ­                                        Is
                                                       Always
                                                          ­          A
                                                     ­   Cause,
                                         Something
                              Never                    ­
             Appears Out
        Of
Fresh
Air,
       Unless
                   Some
                              Physical
                     ­                         Storms
                                 ­                            Are
                                                           There.
                                         Genetical
                                    Or
                       Maybe
Generations
                       Of
                              Unhealthy Habits &
                                               Behaviours,
                                               Hurting
                      Development,
               For
Children
                To
                     Go
                           Forward
                                           To
                                                  Adulthood
  ­                                    Stable.
                     ­   Facing
     Memories
A
    Difficult
                   Test,
                            But
                           ­        As
                                         You
                                                 Confess
                                                 & Accept.
                                          Life
          ­                     Heals,
                          As
               Time
       Goes
On.
       Less
                Things
                             Will
                                      Go
                   ­                         Wrong
                                  ­                     &Finally
                                             You'll
                                      Feel
               ­               That
                               You
                   Belong.
Understanding
                           What
                                      Was
                  ­                           Miswired
                                                        ­       In
                                                      Your
   ­                                        Mind,
                                Then
                    Ea­ch
             Day
More
You'll
          Lessen
                        The
    ­                            Pain.
                               ­  No
                            Longer
                            Dominanted
                        O­r
                            Strained,
                   Until
                   One
                   Day,
                          That
                                   Darkness
                                                     Will No
                                       Longer
                                Plague.
                        ­          Here's A Lifetime
                                  More,
                ­          Without
                        Anymore
               ­        Shame,
                              Understanding
              ­                Why
                             You
                    Became
             This Way.
           With Tools
                Having
             The Opportunity
To Improve,
           Banishing The
          Manifested
           Demon's
           That Sucked Dry.
Remained &
                    Leaching
                               From The
                                                 Early Days,
                             Unwanted,
            Enforced,
Witnessed,
                   Traumatic
                                       Pains.
                                       A Responsibility
                                 Within Our Hand's,  
    To Not Let This Repeat &
                        Posion
                  Young Seeds.
            Our Responsibility
             To Be Able, Not To
         Pass On These Learnt
     Habits & Behaviours. To Break
     The Cycle, Not Being So Damn
Prideful, For Our Children Not To
Have A Lifetime To Mend, Taking
  Away Toxicity When They Are
     Young & Can't Defend. To Have
        The Foundations To Be
               Emotionally Able
                 & Not to Become
                   Emotionally 
                     Unstable.


© 2018

Abigail Sheard
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