Give me the sunrise
Give me a new dawn
Let the sun soak into my skin
I'm so optimistic
A future shining so bright 

Give me the setting 
of the sun
rising over the ocean

Let me feel the heat

In this good feeling of emotion

I'm starting to pave my way

To the place, I've been trying to create

The one that is filled with serenity

The one that gives me the inner peace

That I need 
and wanted so badly

I'm burying my past
Don't you dare allocate your allegations
It's time to move on
Time to look up
I'm tired of drowning in the sorrows
I'm tired of this smile I borrowed
I want to feel the warmth
Of happiness inside
I want that in my life

The sad memories
Are buried six feet under
I don't want to feel another
I held onto so much doubt
The pills wouldn't even drown it out
I had to work so hard
Just to be able to let go of my past
They say that is what makes your future
But I'll be damned if I'm judged by a jury
I'll be damned if I let life do that to me
I was hit and kicked while I was down
But I've got skin made of armor now
And I'm happy with where I'm at
That is something no one can take
And now I'm somebody
who doesn't easily break

I'm burying my past
Don't you dare allocate your allegations
It's time to move on
Time to look up
I'm tired of drowning in the sorrows
I'm tired of this smile I borrowed
I want to feel the warmth
Of happiness inside
I want that in my life

I've taken every task
Thrown my way
I've given all the blood
I can give
I've said every word
To band aid that hurt
I've got scars that show
But they're just a reflection
Of who I used to be
I'm starting to look at life
with more positively
I'm starting to feel more secure
with who I am
I'm starting to feel happy within myself
that is something that has been
a long time coming
Now my world isn't crumbling
Before my eyes
Now I've seen hurt heal with time

I'm burying my past
Don't you dare allocate your allegations
It's time to move on
Time to look up
I'm tired of drowning in the sorrows
I'm tired of this smile I borrowed
I want to feel the warmth
Of happiness inside
I want that in my life

©2017 Written By Benji James

when you share
the parts
of you
which are
typically
kept to yourself
i fall in love all over again.

Now it's my turn,
to help you.
You held them close but
they let you go.
You held on tight and
fixed each crack.
How could I expect
you to watch,
your back?
But past is past,
none of that matters,
now it's my turn.
You say,
you don't want it,
sometimes I believe you
but I see the hope,
I see the light
that can shine so bright.
Now it's my turn
to win this fight.
Not for me,
not at all.
Just to you,
cause you deserve it all.
An angel which has fallen,
soul so black,
I know he needs saving,
I got his back.
So I'll heal him,
hand sew each stitch,
making him whole.
That is my last dying wish

i have a hole  
in the depths of my soul
its making me whole.

Opposing points of view
Trapped within the same mind
One, hardened by experiences
The other, fragile and forgotten with time

Fear consumes both perspectives
In many different ways
Manifesting an actualized identity
That rules without dismay

No thought is ever cohesive
Which burdens the wayward soul
Creating a perfect storm
For angst to spin out of control

Internal rifts knock you sideways
Catching the senses completely off guard
Realizing irreparable destruction is at hand
Unless true-self takes a unifying charge

Stopping the inner tug-of-war is the key to harmony and balance within... As for myself, it's still a work in progress!

The expression of our pain
is a big part of the healing process.
In fact, it is the most important
because the expression of pain
has a greater impact than both
the pain and the healing.
put. together.

express the pain .

tears have colour

red
fresh tears created in battles
they gnaw away at the wounds
dashing away in torrents
uncontrolled
wild
draining and savage
mixing with the red rain
the acid of injury
the trail is bloody and raw
rubble left drenched
painted
then soaked to the core
the phase of red tears.

purple
here begins
the agony of the heart
purple tears
are razors
they slice
cutting away
at a mind left in tatters
shredding itself within loops
purple tears leak randomly
chasing the what ifs
around and around and around
on tilted merry-go-rounds
spraying centrifugal patterns
onto canvases previously untouched
the phase of purple tears

black
tears of black herald possession
symptoms of poison
the rot of insult
moral injury tracking through veins
distorting sight
and clouding the remnant mind
black tears ooze
sticky with regret and anger
they recreate battles
some that never happened
they fuel the movies of revenge
give off a cold smoke
that distorts time
they can shine brightly
creating the illusion
of strength and restoration
black tears are the trap
offering paths down perpetual loops
the phase of black tears

blue
these tears are tricky
they look normal
but carry the code of injury
blue tears are loaded with emotion
irrationally
they course away in silent sobs
leaving the DNA of injury
residue on everything they touch
unwanted and unwarranted
they track along the scars left behind
those barely healed from the red phase
blue tears are often habit forming pastimes
shoehorning themselves into the spaces where
the light has begun to shine through
chasing away the recovered moments of normal
they crave medication
and feed on isolation
they are needy fellows
and linger haplessly
the phase of blue tears

green
marks a turn in the path
green tears are productive
rewards for growth
indicating better days
more steps forward than back
sometimes they smell sweet
and are infused with joy
and in an odd combination with happiness
tactile responses to finding a way back
not to where you came from
but to where you are mean to be
green tears have no shadows
the come from a different origins
they heal pain while documenting memories
new skill learnt
converting dark to light through green
not easily replicated
a new born foal on wobbly legs
they take time to master
forgiveness is possible with them engaged
the phase of green tears

so explains the colours in the evolution of tears



@journeyofdays

“evolution of tears #5”  is the fifth part in the series of poetry and paintings
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