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Parker 4d
I felt like the only human in the world when he looked at me in my eyes
and I know now that it was all a guise
I still miss that feeling sometimes
I'm still healing through it though ๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’›
R M May 10
in the dark depths
of despair i thought
of joining you

aching with grief
as if struck too
i was lost in the
loss of you

but pain doesn't heal
hurt and more death
can't bring us to life

so i carry you inside
because as long
as i love you
you're alive
Evie G May 7
I am broken, I am worn
Broken from anotherโ€™s scorn.

Rebuilt with random other parts,
Held together with one heart.

I run on lost time
Air tastes divine
Treating the world
like itโ€™s some ****** up shrine,
Leaving my stuffing all over the floor
Once strangers soon strangers cause theyโ€™re wanting more.

Reminding you how it could always be worse
How all bad things will run their course

But a marathon leaves you panting heaving
Stuffed eyes, sewed shut mouth.

I am broken, I will be reborn
Mending from a motherโ€™s scorn
Rebuilt with once strangers other parts
Held together by their hearts.
Feedback, thoughts ect are always appreciated. I would love a cheeky debate
much of my commute
these past few days
has been about the first call
weโ€™ll never have after our break.

obsessing over
the receiver bringing
through your imagined hello
in more weeks than i dare count.

my phones notifโ€™s are almost taunting me
reminders from every little corner of the internet
that life canโ€™t pause
the moving on
after the
death of another gay boys feelings.

the thought
eventually thereโ€™ll be an
unspoken acceptance
your voice will never be close and familiar again

unshackles me.

as the northern line pulls into the platform
i like to imagine somewhere under its torturous sound
youโ€™re speaking to me and i just canโ€™t hear it.

this is the peace iโ€™ve been left with
to patch myself up
in all of its ugly simplicity.

oh how a heart can sink but still shine.
oh how my love can be smothered
and you be fine.
Nellie 55 Apr 19
I have learned
healing takes it's own time
you can't over power
you can't rush
you can't demand
you can only give yourself time.
Distractions not always the key, but your emotions will still be on lockdown.
you've got to allow yourself to want to feel better.
Mica Light Apr 27
๐—ง๐—ช: ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—”๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฒ


It wasn't until I heard
Someone say, "me too"
That I started to view
That this pain was from you.
And you. And you.
And yes, you too.
But especially... ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ.

I came fractured and bruised.
The deprecation of my self worth
Started before you.
I'd long since been used
As a punching bag for others'
Emotional wounds.

So, when I met you...
I was a perfect package
Of cracked porcelain
Just pretty enough
To salvage.

Your attention and approval
Became my food.
Like a flower needs the sun
I thought that without you
Shining on me
That I'd be all for none.

Your claws dug deep in my belly,
And mine into yours.
Validating eachother,
In a toxic swirl.
You in the center,
Creating a world,
Where "no" has no weight,
Coming from a young girl.

"You're so pretty" you said.

My skin was like rice paper.

"I love the curls on your head"

My throat was titanium.

"Come sleep in my bed."

My stomach turned sideways.

I had told myself enough times by now,
"This is what you signed up for,
So you'd better allow.
It comes with the territory."
I believed this somehow.

I attached so much of myself to you.
Addicted to the magic,
scattered in with the abuse.
The pleasure in the pain,
Covering up the dark truth.
So well, I couldn't tell
That we were actually living
In some kind of hell,
Being sold to us
As love and friendship,
But it was just a shell
For dead end *******.

Sometimes I find I look back
To these times reminiscing,
But then all I can think is,
"๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ง๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ฌ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ?"

Cause now I sit here and wonder,
Why did I have no edge?
I had lost the understanding of what
A "no" feels like in bed.

It took me years to cut you off.
๐—ง๐—ฒ๐—ป to be exact.
All this time I've hidden
These dark secrets of the past.

Not even realizing
It was fear
Holding me back.
Not even realizing
That this ****
Fed how I act.

๐—œ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ผ๐—ธ ๐Ÿฎ ๐˜†๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜€ ๐˜‚๐—ป๐˜๐—ถ๐—น ๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ป๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฑ "๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฟ" ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ.

How brain washed is ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต?

Ever since I dug your
Claws out of my belly,
My wounds began to heal
And i started to see fully,
This relationship with you -
You were nothing but a bully.
๐—” ๐—ฏ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ธ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฏ๐—น๐˜‚๐—ฒ.

I've liberated myself from you.
And all the guilt and shame.
Understanding now,
Why so long I played your game.
I've taken back my power, and
I've taken back my name.
I'm not a victim of abuse.
I'm a raging, healing flame.
Burning down what you became.

Ashes are easy to blow away.
I rid of you and I'm on my way.
No longer afraid,
Of the monsters in the night.
Because, guess what?

I know what a '๐˜†๐—ฒ๐˜€' feels like.

Mica Light
your friends pity me
i see it in their eyes
but pretend it's
not there

you bring me along regardless
holding hands under the table
laughing alongside them
and we toast to your
oncoming sobriety

and i think they pitied you too
knowing that you and change
were fated mortal enemies
starting from conception.

god buried you in the dirt when he crafted your soul;
and the angels cursed you, turning the earth
to marbled heliotrope:

we met in that dark prison.
you whispered that everyone
had given you up. so i swore
to never leave. to try.
to fight for us. to

you hold my hand for 46 seconds underneath
the sputtering pools of blonde light
after your narcotics anonymous

and the angels pitied me as well,
turning their heads at stoplights
and crosswalks like i wasn't even

as if i could forget or pretend
that i've never seen the
eyes underneath
our bed at
btw im not tryna demonize addicts bc that's some rl hard stuff to deal with, my ex-partner just happened to suffer from addiction alongside being an absolutely awful trashbin person.
you hold my hand under the
yellow light of a baptist church
praying to no god:
narcotics anonymous.

you introduce me but it doesn't feel like i'm yours
our clasped hands break apart as
a fifth marlbolo black slips
between your lips.

murmured conversations
secret promises
drift back and forth:
and my apparition
waits in the tepid

i shift back and forth
through the golden amber haze: i could
lean back into the dim scraps of pavement
and no one would notice a thing.
this is going to be a series of poetic memoirs about an abusive relationship i was in a few years ago. i'll have tw in tags but it's mostly the occasional reference to SA and stuff like that.

also idk why but re-reading i just imagine someone with five cigs in their mouth at once LOL
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