Luisa 4d

That’s it, I’m done
You don’t deserve my time.
That’s it, I’m gone
You’re not worth a dime.

That’s it, I’m free
I have walked away
That’s it, I’m rising
Every dog has their day.

That’s it, I’ve deleted
Both your Facebook & Instagram
That’s it, I’m smiling
I feel sorry for your newest fan.

That’s it, I’m feeling better
That you’re no longer in my life
That’s it, I’m fucking grateful
I never became your wife.

That’s it, I think I’m healing
I’m starting to feel more like me.
That’s it, I’m no longer interested
In what you’re doing Lee.

That’s it, happiness is coming
Only to me & not to you
That’s it, your door is closing
I no longer love you Lee, I promise you that’s true.

Be with Liz, be with Ria
or be with old Jill Cole,
No matter who you’re with though
You’ll always be in your hole.

Oh, I'd like to throw you in the sky
                      and run you like a kite
Smiling as I'm watching you fly above me
Taking you to endless,
                         /boundless/ heights

But, oh, my feet would tire soon
And the breeze would drop
                and so would you
And you'd crash down at my feet
And you'd know now that I'm incomplete

                                                     ­       high
But I'd hope you'd remember the
While you're down here dealing with the
                                                                ­          low

I'd hope you had the courage to fly once more
. . . with someone else pulling the string from down below

I would not beg for it 'cause it's not something I wanted or something I particularly needed.
I had a point off the books routine that helped me throughout the days, months, years...              
I wonder what could have gone wrong, I still do.
You refused to beg for it too,
You cared less about it than I forced us both to.
The only thing we had in common was the denial of our minds and the refusal of our hearts.
In both, we learned to fight the feeling that made our worlds stay alive again,
A feeling you gain, a feeling you lose, a feeling that stays yet still manages to kill.
I did not beg for it because it was love.
You cared less about it because it was our love we refused to obtain,
A love that we could not contain.
Too painful to harbor yet not there at all.                                  
Don't you see?
We denied it in our minds but not in our hearts and this makes us two lost souls in this world.
This devil feeling, destroyer of lives...Yet it keeps us alive, breathing, healthy.
It made us forget why we ever wanted to be rid of ourselves.
I will not beg for it even though I am deserving.
You will not beg for it cause you know you're undeserving.

For those who deserve the world, don't let one bad relationship ruin your life. How much more can we keep mending till eventually we break ourselves?

Who is the one that's been hurting you?
like a knife
You don't need them in your life.

Who is the one that stops the bleeding?
like a tourniquet
Your entire life, spend the rest of it

with them
with me

I find myself in love with you
   You have known it all along, as well
We spent many naked hours together
As you taught me to be confident
   Secure, in who I am, in what I do
In who I am with you and what I do to you.

Having dreams of our sexuality, whatever that is
Having dreams of desire
  desire for the married, it's no "sin"
Sin is just another three letters man has defined
Defined with a meaning so great it's punishable
Punishable by even death to some
    And "die" is just another three letters
We let determine eternity
Why, oh why, so we let the smallest words have the most and longest outcome?

What have we done except create roadblocks
Barriers from our own freedoms
Like all the state lines I'd have to cross
   To get to you
To not be here, to not die alone.

There's a three that is quite the opposite
   You.         Her.          Me.
I've never felt something so welcome
Something so perfect
Why it couldn't be, well, that's on me.

But I need you again, Magic Healer
Show me again how to be your lover
  To love myself, again, too
Love myself inside you...... Us.

1400 miles away

“You’ll feel so much better,
When the meds start to kick in.
Just give it some time,
And keep your mind open.”

I’m kicking in doors and
I’m breaking glass dishes
And none of it brings me
Any closer to wishes.

Of healing. Of wholeness.
Of anything sane.
Of something, just anything,
To scrub out the pain.

No line of poetry, no act of god.
No deep breathing method or trip far abroad,
Will pull me from these depths that I’m in.
I can’t start to get better
if the meds never kicked in.

tortilla Dec 8

Having people who understand is new for me
There are people in my life who care about how I feel
It's odd, it makes the bad days not so bad when someone is aware
Life seems easy when with people who are there to help you heal

But I'm learning every blessing comes with a burden
And we all know that out of the two, I was never the blessing
This gift that I have cherished so much is just hidden poison
I see now this bond is bound to hurt one of us as I'm reassessing

I wish I didn't always see, but time and time again I realize
All I do in your lives is break and burden and continue disjoint
Because though I love you and I wish I could feel safe in that fact
Life was so much easier when I didn't have people to disappoint.

Life seems easy when with people who are there to help you heal
Life was so much easier when I didn't have people to disappoint

I will be
we can be
please don’t speak,
don’t tempt me,

without you,
I will be

Take my despair,
I want it not.

For I have learned
to live one day at a time.

For I have learned
to live without expectations.

So take my despair,
I want it not.

For I have finally learned
that nothing stays the same

For I have finally learned
that nothing is more powerful
than hope.

So take my despair,
I want it not.

Growing up in a loud and boisterous world,
makes it easy to seek solace in the
It allows for a fine-tuning of the senses,
in order to mirror what those around you

Quietly and dutifully, you play nursemaid
to everyone else's needs
Eventually losing touch with that inner voice that pleads

Remaining consistently neutral and in-tune
with others, has seemingly served
you well
Though the waves of ignored and
forgotten emotions, uncontrollably start
to swell

So becoming comfortable projecting a
voice, that you never really had
Is quite the challenging and daunting task
to an introverted empath

It's easy to lose yourself while being genuinely concerned for the well-being of others! It actually can take on a life of its own, if done long enough...Never forget that an empathetic soul, that willingly and easily hides among a crowd, also needs to be heard and nurtured!
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