love has been greater than a mere chemical reaction
love has been the steady, exhilarating thump in my chest
a smile plastered on my face from the overwhelming wave of euphoria
love has been the soft, trembling lips
a gentle, prickling sensation that buzzes across each nerve of my body
love has been the gentle graze of your eyes on the warmth of my cheeks
a shiny, wide eyed and adorning gaze as you unearth your true self
love has been healing
love has been liberating
love has been passionate
it has been you
it has been i
love has been us
I remember that night
he was drunk
and couldn't even think straight
He said he loved life
and everything about it
I wanted him to say
that he loved me
But he didn't
Instead I told him
that I loved him
because I knew
He wouldn't remember my words
And I was right
"What A Night!", he told me the next day
Smiling because he couldn't remember
He couldn't remember
that he breaks my heart everyday
....What are we?
His head tilts slightly
Feet stop where they are
I ask again lightly
What are we?....
He lets out no confession
To the floor his eyes drop
Once again I question
..What are we?..
His response comes slow
Eyes meet mine
"I don't know."
I can’t find the words to say to you
So I went to a florist
Maybe I’ll say it in daisies or maybe peonies will do
I don’t get this sentimental
I hope you don’t think I’m mental as I offer these to you
You’re as sweet as sunshine and I sure wish you could be mine
Because I would shower you in every flower in this room
You’re an intoxicating perfume
Sleeping boy, how i wonder,
What goes on within your slumber.
What thoughts rave free,
In your mind of beauty?
Sleeping man, do you see?
The things that you are doing to me?
we are both unstable and insecure
But with the mentality you possess is something i cannot concur.
Anger and aggression,
Falls into pits of depression,
Rises again into mountains of happiness,
And climaxes filled with naughtiness.
Sleeping love, can you see?
The things your doing kills me.
a constant belittlement of self,
despite promises of seeking help.
Sleeping baby, please be happy.
I know i fail but it´s all i want.
As you sleep here next to me, i think i see,
the most peaceful thing in all of humanity.
It's at times like these...
when your hair lies in shreds on the ground,
that I have to tell myself that I am useless in this situation
and that there is nothing wrong with being so.
I can't force myself to check in on you every minute,
because I simply cannot trust myself.
How can I save you if every time I see a tear fall down from the heavens,
I stick my neck out onto the tracks,
so I slice in half?
How can I save you, if I would force myself into the blistering heat of an oven,
just to cool down my thoughts?
And yet, even though I scream this at you,
you still expect me to pick up that needle and that thread,
and the outdated burn cream from the cupboard
and fix myself so I can soothe you instead,
ignoring my gashes, my revolting, rotting, diseased mind,
and lie in bed with you,
like lovers in a coffin,
just so you can fill my head with tales of YOUR woe,
like flowers on a deathbed?
And yet, as angry and as frustrated as I get,
I would still unravel my bandages and use as them as a makeshift pillow
for your weary head,
and I smile as you
You to grab the knife you aim at your own heart,
twist it around and stab me,
and even though we fight, and we scratch and I
curse our love,
I still want to save your soul,
even though mine is lighter.
And yet, once again, here I am,
sleeping outside your bedroom door,
in case I hear the thud of a stool being knocked over,
and the silence that follows the hollow dread,
in case I hear the wallpaper peel at the horror it see's,
the scene of my lover,
hanging from a fan by their own hair,
And I know you know that I'm there,
I can feel your presence on the other side of the wood,
I see your shadow under the door,
and as I see you walk away from under the crack,
I, myself, stand up.
Grab a dustpan and brush, and sweep up your broken heart,
and slide it under the door with the plaster that I just used to heal my own throbbing head,
holding the shattered pieces together.
And, after that, I walk away.
Because I'm allowed to rest.
I'm allowed to love myself more than I love you.
Shivers rise and fall along my spine,
Electricity surges through my veins in a blitz of passion.
Warmth invades my neck, chest, back,
Fingernails bury themselves into my clammy skin.
Hearts beat in sync,
Breaths overlap in between as a storm of love,
Teeth sink into your neck, arm, ear.
Whimpers and squeaks struggle to remain quiet,
Delicate and sinful whispers fill my head,
As a jolting tremble flows through my body.
The Lust in my Lovers eyes drives me wild.