We talk with certainty like
the sun rising every morning
And we look to the stars
to guide us
and to match us
We trust the beings we know nothing about
But we lock our doors at night
And it's okay;
It's a habit to leave during sunset
I don't wonder anymore
Just listen to what Orion has to say
"dont do it"
i say to myself in my head
because i know i want to text you so bad
and talk once more
start things up
and see how you are
but i know it would be the worst mistake of all
because i know it will do me no good
it will only make me worse
im in love with someone else
but i still care about you
we grew up together
and now i never hear from you
i don't want you to get the wrong message if we speak
because i only care as a friend
but i know you care for more
you know me inside and out
and i thought i knew you inside and out as well
but no one really knows
because you never let anyone in
you almost let me in
but i fucked it up
and I'm sorry
i know you'll never forgive me
and when you see my face
you'll only think of what i did to you
and how hurt you were
and still are
but i am sorry
and saying sorry won't ever make up for it
but i will spend the rest of my life wishing i was different back then
i am different now
and i would never do now what i did to you then
but its too late
i want to see what you're up to
and hangout like we used to
spend hours just talking about pointless shit
but laughing uncontrollably
i want to spend hours on the phone
like we used to
about how life sucks but we'll make it through
life is short
and things change too quickly
its weird not talking to you
its weird not seeing you
its weird not having any communication at all
i miss it
but you'll get the wrong idea
because i miss you as a friend
but you miss me as someone more
im in love with someone else
and he is absolutely perfect
i will never let him go
but if you want to talk to me too
then you have to let me go
well isnt it nice that you found something in me that I couldn't, because the past keeps holding on to pieces that don't matter and expired words that I never meant. I'm laying in bed thinking that you're probably sleeping like I should be, and that your mouth doesn't have this unending hunger for mine like I do for yours, but here I am. Praying to all the Gods that you love me the same way you love your old noir films, I want to say that jesus I want you to be mine like how I was already yours the first night we fucked like animals. And I'm saying that I'm so overwhelmed with feelings for you and it sucks because I'm not good at poetry and you have a way with words that just takes my breath away. It's almost 2 am and everything from you feels like home to me.
We are not dating
I don't like you.
You are one of my friends, and I love you as friend.
I saw your brown eyes in many ways:
when they're blue, I set your mood to red.
Setting fire so we could burn the whole blue horizon.
When they're grey, I laughed a lil bit because your idea of everything.
Listening to our dream and dancing till the day comes.
When they're brown, we went to our own world.
You were the king and i was the queen, ruling our kingdom and executing our sadness.
man, those were the days we looked at each others and said some bullshits.
then, the day came and we took different paths.
soon, I'll see you sit beside me, cheering the moment from our thrones.
when you tell me how bad i am,
i start to shake.
i'm nauseous and i have goosebumps.
i didn't try hard enough for you and now you don't want to waste your time.
i need a cigarette.
i don't expect you to accept my apologies.
i didn't change before so why would i change now?
because you're threatening to leave?
because you're making me guilty?
why won't you listen to me?
i told you why i'm having a hard time.
my head doesn't want us to be happy.
my head is convinced that you're fucking with me.
my head is terrified.
the world is making this so difficult.
i'm going to vomit. please give me another chance. don't leave yet.
your body reaches up into the sky like the buildings where you lived in harlem,
your hair and your jeans are dark like the tar in your lungs from all that smoking,
your face is scattered with dark moles like the night skies when you text me,
your smile is wide and goofy like mine when you call me baby girl,
your voice is deep and low like the rappers you listen to,
your hands are soft like the fleece inside your hoodies,
your hugs are warm like the texas sun that you used to bask under,
you're sweet like that cough syrup i drink,
you're strong like that rum i get drunk on,
you're calming like that weed i pack into a pipe,
you're fun like that extra pill i pop,
and you're my gentle giant.