his frail eyes
wanting to sleep
clue less mind
digging deep
in the dust
of his flaws
intoxicated
everything amiss
the bar’s door ajar
the cliched hope
the fool believed
he wont get back
not here, not anymore.

As I sit here drinking my wine
I wonder
If you think of me in your spare time
Have you moved on?
Have you found your peace?
I’m sorry your peace
Wasn’t with me
I miss your arms
Wrapped around me as we sleep
I miss your kisses
When everything was complete
We where great
We where wonderful
I wish we didn’t fall
I need you here
By my side
But I know you’re happier
When I’m not in your sight

This is my first actual splurge of alcohol in atleast a week.

i miss the long summer nights under the moonlight. i miss getting drunk at 2am with my friends and acting like fools. i miss sitting in the backyard smoking weed with him for the first time. i miss going to concerts every weekend. i miss the fucked up nights with my friends. i miss it all.

I miss summer

you wear your father’s guilt
and your mother’s golden cross

searching for a savior in every psychedelic trance
chasing spirits in cheap liquor
just to bottle up your own

you wear your mother’s tears
and your father’s favorite watch

and only remind yourself of the time
when you felt like you’ve had enough
and crash at any house that welcomes you

you have your father’s voice
and your mother’s blue eyes

of deep depression
and rippling madness
observant of every detail

you have your mother’s heart
and your father’s lack-there-of

passionate for all the wrong reasons
driven to tear down everyone around
just to distract from your own destruction

You said, "Inevitable. It was inevitable"

That you kiss me?
That you grab me?
That you lean me back to see the ceiling fan?
That you instruct me on how to kiss you back?

That you had nothing to drink that night?
That I had too many shots?

That I had a breakdown?
That I needed to get out?
That I was trapped under you?
That I said your girlfriend was my best friend?

That I said it wasn't right?
That you didn't listen when I said no?

That you locked the door?
That you wouldn't let me get my phone?
That you wouldn't let me see my friend?
That you asked me if I loved you?

That you kept pestering me with questions?
That I had to give you the answer you wanted?

That I cringed when you got close?
That I stopped being able to breathe?
That I screamed through empty lungs?
That I cried and cried and cried?

That I loved someone else?
That you didn't care?

"Inevitable. It was inevitable," you said.

I was consumed by liquor,
prompting my gates to open.

Out rushed the courage,
to share with you my emotions.

Marion Oct 10

he drinks into oblivion
stumbles home drunk
hate slipping off his tongue like the alcohol that so easily flowed past it before
insults crashing into the ears that are so used to it, numb to it
his needle sharp words tearing into the scarred flesh of his beloveds' minds
pushing and pushing until the point of no return
gone

His endless fall of tears slip through the space between her delicate glass fingers, drop by drop falling on to the white cushion
A chirping tune swims through the moss covered wall
He remembers that tune, that tune he fell for so very quickly
He wonders how this tune always kept the same floral melody but would adjust its harmony to converse with his thoughts, those thoughts that would try to sew through to his speech, never showing thread, only a thin needle
His tears have now formed a puddle, but foolishly he does not pay the slightest attention to this ever so growing puddle
She whispers "pour yourself a drink you will feel better"
He listens and soon he has a drink in his left hand
He takes a sip, his lips burn, the liquid feels like grains of sand to his throat
The drink has now dampened his thoughts, the threads are now wet, the fibers are separating
The tears still fall drop by drop but now he is oblivious to the tears
His room is now an aquarium of sorrow and the floral tune is muffled by the salt water
The girl hopes to dilute the growing salt water with her bitter desert alcohol but soon they will both drown in their concoction of tears and liquor

Silence Oct 9

I love the way you lie
The poison that drips from your lips and keeps me wanting more
The way you lie is like a bee trying to find honey
I'm addicted to it
It's like a drug that I know messes me up every time
But I can't stop hitting it
The way you lie when you tell me you love me
Is the reason why I keep falling

Your scent keeps me from leaving you
The way I smell it as I drift away into sleep
Your scent fills my brain like the drugs of your words
It's like vodka to me
And I'm an alcoholic

You body keeps me grounded
The way your physique is next to me
All the cracks and crevasses of your face
The way you push me around with your muscles

But you are not good for me
And at some point I will leave you
But for now
Keep lying to me and saying you love me
Keep filling up my senses with your scent
Keep pushing me around and harming me
It's like poison
And I'm trying to die

LOL I HATE MYSELF FOR WRITING ABOUT HIM
But I had to get it out of me
hes not good for me
but I still love him
but I will move on soon

Last night was just like every other night.
Drinking to bring myself to the point of ‘alright’.
Liquor, tequila, beer, vodka, and so
Wine, champagne, and my favorite Moscato.
I drown myself in all these alcoholic pools
There at the deepest end, I feel completely whole
And while I survive this murderous booze,
I still find myself breathless, looking at you.

My head fumed with heat,
But it wasn’t the liquor
It was the blush that rushed to my cheeks.
I slurred all the thoughts in my drunken mind
Knowing I’ll have more courage in these nights,
Than during sober daylight.

“Babe, can I call you babe?
Forgive me; my organs are filled with ale.
Don’t worry I’m not a person of harm.
I just want to tell you the contents of my heart.
Any minute I’ll vomit all the beer
That had me this wasted,
The way I always do
But I wouldn’t waste any minute that I have
To tell you I’m in love with you.
Every bottle on that shelf, I’ve already kissed,
but I easily forget how they tasted.
I never knew what it feels to kiss you
But damn it
You’re hard to forget.
It needs twelve glasses to make me tipsy,
Yet I’m completely drunk with your face,
And all it takes is one smile for me.”

You were so patient every evening.
Laughing to all my words and you thought I was joking.
And I acted like I was, the next morning
Pretended that I never remembered a thing,
But I knew every word I said, I meant it
And I find myself drinking every night
Just to let you know what’s on my head.
Still I couldn’t wait
For that night that I will gladly shake
The tight gripping hand of sobriety in midnight’s wake
Just the same way that you always do
And when that time arrives,
I will look at you straight in the eyes
And without the stench of liquor in my breath
I’d tell you “I’m so damn in love with you.”

On the night that I had real courage on my shoulders,
I found myself in front of you without a glass between my fingers
As I’ve practiced, I looked at your eyes.
Ready to say what was on my mind
But I saw something familiar,
The same red, teary, drunken orbs I had every night.
He looked at me with a twisted beam,
And I knew completely well, that then he was drunk with gin
Still, “I’m in love with you.” I stupidly told him.

When the sun rose the very next day,
I waited by the bench for him, to hear what he had to say.
It wasn’t a surprise to me, yet it truly was a tragedy
“Even when I’m drunk, you’re a hilarious joker” was what he told me.

I wrote this at random...
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