Late night playing with a fake gun
Pointer finger married to the middle one
Latched to the side of my head
I let out a whisper through my teeth
As clenched as the fist on my chest
I let out a whisper through my lips
They shiver with the thought of death
I'm scared but sometimes I want to do it
I often pick fight with myself
Not knowing which side wants to win
I click one-two and hold my breath
Shake as I ***** all the ***** into the sink
And shake off the ***** and sink to my bed

Sweet numbing bliss
full of hazy daydreams
and mindless chatter.

Eyes drifting to and fro
with each mumble
resembling a sentence.

Laughter floating in the air
while shame sits patiently
in the corner.

Do you want to have another?
Of course I do,
I'll have several.

Cause one is one too many
and one more is
never enough.

You turn the music up all the way
so you can try to drown out your fathers words
repeating over and over again in your head.
This time it was about your weight.
Even though he couldn't even say it
without all the words coming out slurred
and his eyes rolling to the back of his head.
You wanted so bad to tell him that
you could lose a few pounds,
but he will always be an alcoholic.
But you don't because that would
only make him angrier.
You knew he was only taking it out
on you because his wife was leaving him.
You just walk away
knowing he wouldn't even remember
the conversation in the morning anyway
because he does this all the time
and you're used to it.

I often wonder what I would do
if someone like you
asked me to ditched school.

I don't smoke cigarettes;
my eyes hold a perilous look when I look at them.
I stopped sneaking bottles of beers
after my mom caught me with two.

But perhaps, if it were you,
I wouldn't mind sharing a smoke
or drink a glass that you poured.

If I am being honest, however,
I'd prefer to not do those things.
Could I propose a suggestion? Possibly a few?
Ones more meaningful than what is common in this town.

We could guard the suicide bridge
from those who wish to part from this world.
Let's convince them that they have a place amongst the stars,
that their existence was not made to satisfy others
but to find a happiness within themselves.
We could become beautiful beings who protect
those from their sorrows.

Or maybe, we could disappear into the forest,
our existence vanished from reality.
You could lead me across rocky rivers with a smile
trying to convince me that we aren't numbing from the sensation
of society's pressure holding us in its grasp.

Perhaps, we could just talk.
Share ideas and thoughts never revealed
but repeated in our lonely minds.
Laughing when we realise how wonderful the world could be
since it brought us together.

But I will never know,
because someone like you
wouldn't ask me
to skip school with you.

brother
you were there for a lot of firsts
my first shot of whiskey
my first love
my first heartbreak
you were there the first time i learned
that depression was an avalanche
and that winter could last all summer long
you were always there
and now you're not
sometimes i blame myself
for not knowing that you too
were buried under a mountain of snow
how could i not know?
it's ironic
how i didn't see the big picture
until you weren't in the picture anymore
it's ironic
how the first time i called you brother
was the day i learned you died
the day i realized that you were closer to me than my own flesh and blood
i'm still ******* angry
but i miss my best friend
and you know when i get like this
i always drink myself to death
the other day i saw your dad
and he could tell i had it bad
i think he could smell
the whiskey on my breath
the thing is
i hadn't had my first shot yet

***** Dishes were left
for every one to see,

Being spectated by the
Different type of people,
and being pitied,
by those who don't bother to do theirs anymore.

i miss before,
the before where i didn't
wake up to the smell
of old food moisturizing,

The before Where,
Time flew through our Open window,
the before where people didn't have to try,
And ignore our ***** dishes.

But now,
there's just ***** dishes
in the kitchen,

A broken drunk man,
on the living room floor,

A mother,
that's tired of being someone,

And me,
Walking over the drunk man,
ignoring ***** dishes,
and getting myself
to school.

I took a shot before school
No one knew

I took a shot when i got home
*** im so alone

I smoked before bed
Lord help me before i bleed red

I took swig of *****
And my mom has no idea

No Needy Eyes,
want for nothing,
only freedom eyes,
we have everything,

don’t mind the metaphors,
please pardon the ego,
I’m at Delilah’s high and,
I’m with chillin’ with some villains but they’re kind folks,

all vocal all loco,
let’s have a staring contest,
got a grip on my soul like a chokehold,
staring at me till my face melts,

humble as a roamin’ Nomad,
uncomfortable as a *** addict with a bad rash,
actually I take that last add back,
yeah I’m a ****** but no I don’t have a rash,

but I do have a pocket full of cash,
and I feel good but I want you bad,
swear to *** I love You,
always will always have,

and that’s fact,

so real,
I wrote this on the back of a kin nap,
or rather a napkin,
either way I’m back in like I’ve been back,

back in,
this City of Angels,
with a bottle of Sin,
and some Best Friend Strangers,

all in on that *** Level,
and I don’t wanna go even though,
I here the Devil callin’ and suspect I might be in trouble,
so I stay in the fast lane and take it slow,

gotta it right here so there’s no reason to go,

no Needy Eyes,
want for nothing,
only freedom eyes,
we have everything…


∆ LaLux ∆

October 8th, 2018
Hollywood, CA.