Sobriety has never been your friend.
Friends for you may have come, gone, and returned,
But "Sobriety" isn't a word you even recognize.
You might as well be staring into
A swirling whirlpool of
Lies,
Misspelled words,
Languages you never bothered to learn,
And unspoken truths
Whenever you take a look at the word
Trying to find your unknown meaning.
Maybe you're just not meant to be clean.
And that's okay.
You're just like
She was
Before the end.
Lilywhite 11h
They drop like flies I tell ya-
can't contain the pressure,
eruptions fused by anger;
frustration...
but rather than seek an explanation,
the assumptions over take them-
everybody suffers now. . .
what an awkward situation ?

to partake in such petty things . .
is to deny the soul and its awakenings . .
a waste of time and energy I tell ya-
and there's nothing worse
than feelings hurt, ignorance, and
being a ****

so have patience, be kind,
remain strong, and put the past behind,
always move forward, and seek truth
for there are many possibilities within our youth
to learn from, and be living proof
that this too shall pass

There's so much more to life than broken hearts
and senseless strife...
February 11, 2013
my father
the holy spawn
who swims in black and blue catharsis
white needles
now grey and gold
empty gun chambers
that leave dead air for dead deers

the smoke from your frozen lips
causes a destruction that no one sees
except for the Father you keep

you roam around at night
it seems you've lost yourself in the moonlight
you leave trails of dust behind you
when you leave pieces of your life for death to find

i don’t see eyes
i see glass and vapour
and a life, that was left unloved
by a holy one
I.
I thought you were the one.
I imagined us flying to Manila, meeting the entire family,
you proposing on the pristine sands of Boracay or
in the small village where you used to play with spiders.
I thought of possible baby names pronounced beautifully
in both of our families' native tongues.

II.
We grew together, abandoned defenses until you were my only confidant.
I still haven’t recovered from the way you used that against me:
Sealing my confessions into bullets in a magazine and making sure
I was centered in the crosshairs of the scope,
a different kind of target practice.

III.
You were my special kind of poison, the kind that slipped through my veins
unnoticed until it corrupted my cardiac muscle and collapsed my lungs.
I ate away at myself until I was small enough not to threaten you,
and even that wasn’t enough.
I finally got the courage to leave you, but I formed a thick cocoon
around my chrysalis of secrets to protect myself from you
and the next.

IV.
It’s been two years and I still have you, your mother,
and every Carlsbad or Mira Mesa area code blocked.
You realized you could invade my voicemail so you rang in 2019,
screaming whiskey-soaked wishes for a better year for us both.
I honestly believe you want that, in your own way.
I wish you the best too, but
I have outgrown you.
January 19, 2019
12:55:55 AM
So a funny thing happened
I had *** with a boy
Sounds common enough right
Except this boy wasn't my boyfriend
I'll give you a moment to let that sink in

*****
****
Harlot
Really I've heard it all
But won't you please listen
Because every story has two sides

I was drunk
Off my *** really
And what had started as a fun night was coming to and end
Walked with my friend up from the shore
And walked him to his car
Except he was farther off his *** than I
I stole his keys and hid them in my purse
Because I wasn't going to let him drive home
**** himself and the girl in his backseat
So we went into the house
Down into the basement with all the other children
And we shared a mattress on the floor
Just like everyone else
And one by one we began to pass out
Until it was just me and him

I wasn't afraid
I had grown up along side him
I knew all his secrets
And he knew mine
So we talked, and we talked and I don't remember when it changed
When the wheels began to turn
When I lost my shorts
I don't remember when his hands landed on my body
And my memory begins to fade
And I know my heart began to race
And my body became aware of every single movement all at once
And I think I was a tease
I think I was too much
And before I knew it he was on me
Fumbling around and I told him just a little please and
I told him no ***
And then it happened
I'll be the first to admit I don't know what I said to be exact
I don't think I said I changed my mind though
And I know I didn't say no
But it's hard to say anything when you can barley breathe
And then I just shut down
Body did the hard reset and I just blacked out
I know I momentarily woke up when you crawled off of me sobbing
A moment of haze before I was back into darkness

And I woke up and he was gone
And I as alone
I made the call to my boyfriend
A man I loved more than anything
I panicked
I told him I cheated on him
That I was sorry and that it was a mistake
And he accepted it, but he didn't accept me
I was a disgrace
Still am

But yes I had *** with a man
But it wasn't *** like you would know it
It was *** spelled with four letters
R A P E
So call me what you will
But you can never hate me as much as I hate myself so don't even try
With that being said goodnight and goodbye
You know how some people come to terms with incidents in their life, if I so much as ever catch a glance of that man again I'll end him. He took everything away from me.
Jack is my best friend.
***** burns my sorrows into ashes.
Tequila never leaves my side.
I smell alcohol on my shirt like it's cologne.
Bottles lay all around me and they make me feel empty and alone.
I thought it would make me forget the pain.
It did for a moment but the next day I awake in more pain.
This isn't the way, it never was.
Yet, I drink another drink.
Because it's my only friend.
For Jazmine
Your invisible me misses on my invisible you
I miss my invincible youth, I miss your unbelievable cool. I dance on a sky made of heavy metals and gray, I stare at the stars as I wish on them to take me away. As I lie and I wait in bed, thinking of all the dreams that’ve come and went, I’m weakened by a state of unease, the kind that makes a home in your heart then leaves.

Dozens of times I’ve stared off wondering, what would our lives have become? Soon I am trembling, cold sweat down my face, year after year until the panic has left me undone. Weakened by sorrow as it clung to my hide, just like your small hands huddled against me in the night. Fairly often it’s taken every ounce of my strength, even just to keep myself from running full steam back into bed. It’s as if I’ve covered my life with a dark crooked lie in a story that’s good for everybody except me. I’ve spent the last, as long as I can remember doing anything to stay on the move. Drank heartache, beat down sweat, found myself in a tango with the dust that makes men lose their mind. There isn’t any ole place where I haven’t tried to escape, only to find something too eager to plant her back deep in my thoughts supine.  It’s been ages since I’ve smelled the sweetness and sweat, or tasted on the feeling of regret, every choice I chose was chosen as my first, I never flirted with the hurt until the fury of her awesome pleasure began to shrink out of my life. Nothingness intertwined, it bled into every orifice until I was blinded, my eyes covered and limbs behind me, counting the numbers of floods that swept me out of my room. Into the abyss of my abysmal dismissal, a candy of black cigarette tar, alcohol, and even opiates. Not one regret, just a cornucopia of upset, lost and still losing myself into every last bit of her I can hurl into my memory before it goes.
She girl loss alcohol cigarettes upset invisible myself her candy eyes blind rhyme poetry regret escape sweat down depression angst anxiety difficulty men loss mind dust something move what exce
eli 6d
love and alcohol are practically the same thing.
you take it, and take it, and take it,
until all of the sudden,
you cant take anymore.
some people can take more than others,
some people push over their limit,
and those eventually end up hurt.
there's different flavors,
different strengths,
and sometimes different effects.
the initial feeling is good,
but at the end they both become a depressant.
they both leave you,
at 2 am
sobbing on your bathroom floor,
begging someone to come back.
Rafał 7d
Welcome, sir, and get up to the last dance.
Not my fault - you made the choice when you went through the entrance.
Have a little bit of patience, though,
I'm in demand on this masquerade.

Oh, how the lights flicker, see? And the shadows spoil my senses.
That's a tad senseless of you to get on my nerves - offensive...
But I understand the sentiment, you are restless,
Well, I never let you close your eyelids once you drop the curtains.
All the offenses a gentleman like you keeps in his memories,
You are a cancer to the working class.

Your defense is - you desired to be wealthy.
Have a glass of gin, your mouth seems filthy.
The oppression you have built, indeed
Needed  a mastermind, alike to mine
A nine to five would not be fine for us.
The masses abiding us; we even control the foreigners.

Please observe my lovely smile,
This balet - stand on your toes and prance around.
Like the puppet on the strings I have pulled a thousand times.
Are you sure you are worthy to see through my disguise?

Pardon me, sir, henceforth
I'm your conscience, the one you have cancelled
Hidden in the stacks of gold
But the truth is, a soul can't be sold.

Weep, my dear, in quiet sorrow.
For us, as it turns out, there is no tomorrow.
The combination of ***** and alcohol
Is known of being thorough.
All this injustice you have caused
Was working on the time you had borrowed.
The poem depicts the moments before the death of a powerful magnate/dictator who has acquired wealthiness by oppression of poor people.
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