Someone hands me a problem
All wrapped in distress
Packaged in pain
"Can you carry this"

I see the hurt in their eyes
From carrying everything so long
I take the parcel with a smile
"Don't worry at all"

"Can you carry this?"
Another asks
Holding out a bag of sorrow
Laced with depression

"Of course"
I say
Without another thought

They relax
As the pack goes from their back
To mine

I sink lower to the ground

"Can you carry this"
Holding out a burden of self resentment
Tied with a ribbon of anxiety

"Definitely"
A little more won't kill me

The burden is set down on my shoulders
I get a little heavier
My bones aching with the weight
My feet digging cracks in the pavement

I paste a smile on my face

Then you come around
"Can you carry this?"

I took one look in your eyes
"Yes"

Your sack was the heaviest of them all
Grief
Shame
Heartache
Anguish
Torture

My very essence trembled
Under the weight
Of your burden

I was close to the breaking point

But you needed me,
So I carried on

Pretending that I could bear it all
Wyatt 4d
Self-image
is a curse.
My “comfort”
makes it worse.
There’s shame
in the fact
that my health
is very sad.

Inferiority complex,
uglier than the pretty.
I try to fill the holes,
yet I’m always empty.
Eating to mask pain,
alone in this rain cloud.

I lost time,
I lost sleep.
I gained weight,
I dove deep
into reject
and ridicule.

Gotta laugh it off
and pretend that
nothing bothers me.
I’m okay with
being a walking joke.
Embarrassment comes
with writing this out.
Body types mix with
my insecurities tonight.
Fat, disgusting, sight.
My image is poor, my health is deteriorating.
I am starting to recognize myself again
You know, the me that you tried to suffocate
The real me
The woman that laughs out loud at dirty jokes
The woman that didn't want to bite her tongue in front of your judgemental family

I am starting to look in the mirror and like myself again
You know, the me that you always insinuated needed to lose weight
The woman who likes to cook things because they taste good, not simply because "Angela, the body needs only nutrients"
The woman that didn't  want to disintegrate into broken pieces for you

I am starting to remember what my voice sounds like standing up for myself
I am beginning to recall what the tv shows and movies I love sound like
I am finally starting to love myself again
Do you hear me
Can you see me
I’m not happy
I’m not free
This love you give is grand
But what comes with is far too harsh
I feel crushed beneath my own body weight
Laying squished while reaching out
You pet my hair and say you love me
All this is worth it apparently
But how am I to love back if I am dead
Amanda Jul 7
I let you go to lift the heavy weight
But now I'm trapped by indecision
If I am so free without your chains
Why does my heart feel imprisoned?
Bexis Jul 5
At first it was: skinny, twig, chicken legs.
It didn't bother me too much.
I was those things.

Then it was "Toby" in reference to Roots.
It had nothing to do with the color of my skin.
It was to tell me people saw me lesser.
I was less of a human being to them.
It stuck.

After that some people would tell me, " Oh, your looking a little big there."
My depression worsened and my self worth plummeted.
I stayed inside all the time.
Wore baggy clothes on purpose.

And now, I hear "Wow you're looking really good."
Took several years to get to a point where everything leveled.
Now my health is better.
My depression is better.
My self worth is better.

Life is a journey filled with ups and downs.
I never knew if I would be able to get back up again.
Thankfully I'm stronger than I look.
head aching
thinking about being skinny
being happy with my body
knowing i look good
and feeling fit
ugh
i wish i was thinner
KM Hanslik Jun 25
We were laying down our lives
from the beginning, but we didn't know
how cold the nights could be
or how heavy our feet would sound
on wooden floors, we didn't know we were built
for more than coughing up new ways
to pass time, no we were only
practicing for this,
we were only fighting for our lives,
we were only cutting out new patterns & fitting ourselves with
our wrung-out hopes & dreams,
but those fell limp & we didn't realize
there was anything else
I didn't realize these shards in my lungs were leftover
from the first time learning how to crash & burn, the fall left bruises printed
up and down my arms,
under my ribs, but I thought that was
a good thing, I thought
we're supposed to fight for what we love
we're supposed to feel the pain
but,
we are only a billion lonely strangers
laying down our lives here, I'm hoping
you'll pick mine up before it gets trampled on again
although we really do make the finest doormats
for feet heavier than ours, maybe
we will remain in the dust & the sand until
we are buried, or our throats are filled so that we can't ask whose deadweight
we carry today;
so come lie to me,
tell me that this all goes away
I'm tired of playing in the shade by myself, I need fresher dreams
bigger things than childhood fantasies
they tell me I am only make believe
I am only a lonely star, I am only pretending
they don't see the corners I cut or the nightmares I chase,
the graves I dig just to survive, just to bury
the rot of older skins I shed on the daily,
we don't like the way the gas in the atmosphere
hides the stars so we seek
open spaces & we lay our hearts in felt-lined boxes thinking
they'll be safer there than in our chests, because our chests might be
caving in tomorrow
compressed under the weight of passerby, if you need me I'll be here
(we didn't know how cold the nights could be)
I'll be laying down my life over here.
Ashan Isa Jun 21
"You need to be thin"
"You have to dress pretty"
"You are naturally tall"
are all you need
then give me a call"
For
your acceptance into the hall
I watched what I ate
I worked out more
and became the facade
to please them all.
So
Click away Mr
take pictures of this skinny
model facade I put on
Prepare
the runway Mr
so I can flaunt andwalk
pretty,thin and tall
just don't ask me
did you eat today
because I'll say
sure I did
I ate plenty of
undernourishment
with a side of regret
sprinkling of diet pills
for dinner I will eat
instagram photos of food
post a few photos of my
pretty,tall,thin self
and suddenly I won't
be hungry anymore.
So click away Mr
Yes I ate and will eat
today
and still maintain this
facade for them all
It's quite sad that most of us want to maintain an "acceptable lovable image "that the society has put up for us.We are caught up with this dogma that we don't mind the pain,I don't know if I should call it craving attention or a cry for help that our self esteem is taking a dive to the gutter.
elephants moved to
small red houses on both
of my shoulders and they
sing and sometimes scream

they invite the rain and just
drain all the breeze I have
on my mind

today they painted
the houses pastel blue and
they started to grow
with the raindrops

the water level is rising
as I am becoming smaller
under the weight of the
elephants

it can't end well
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