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It's really humiliating
To be shaking a cup
24 hours a day
And people just look
At you like you're
Some sort of ***

I go to fill out applications
They look at me and
I'm not looking presentable
And then they
"Well, we'll call you
Leave a number"
But how can I leave a number
When I don't have a phone

It's just a struggle

I've had people
walk past me and
Say "get a job you ***"
And I said "wait a minute"
"I'm not a ***,
I'm a human"

And, it's hard

After the end of the day
When people go home
I just feel so bad
That I can't be
Going home too
A M Ryder Aug 29
I don't pretend
To be anything
That I'm not

Except for
Sober

I've pretended to
Be sober
A few times
A M Ryder Aug 25
Why are you here?
Things can change
Tomorrow could
Be different
You have your thing
That's not unattainable

Maybe your
Version is
The person you feel
You can open up to
Maybe it's a place
You know
You can be safe

But it's out there
And it's not
That far away
A M Ryder Aug 25
I'm afraid to be
In my house
I'm afraid to be
Out of it
Because there
Are knocks
On my door
When nobody's there

Because I hear people
Whispering in
My basement

And because if
I sleep
Too long
I know it's
Gunna come back
A M Ryder Jul 6
We sat in the dirt
With the sun
On our shoulders
And felt like
Free men
A M Ryder Jun 23
I open my mouth
And watch as his hand
Moves forward and puts
Some amount of acid
On to my tongue

I'll never know
How much acid
He put on my tongue

But I do know the look
On my friend's faces
Was the look that someone
Would have as they
Were watching
A person fall backwards
Into the Grand Canyon
A M Ryder Jun 23
Ragingly mad
Obviously depressed
Reveals secretly that
I'm coming undone

The torturous divide
Between this waking lie
And the quiet inner life

A worrisome mind

And now I'm
Googling Suicide
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