As we live, laugh,
           No matter how hard you try,
           Even those close to you as a rib
           Still won't understand you.

           What happens if you holla
           And can't be heard?
           It hurts,
but they said:
           "They said through the pain, is how we learn."

           Life and lessons,
           I guess I would just hol' tight and chill
           And enjoy me,
           Understanding me.

I Barker Sep 3

I know that feeling of being lost
I know that feeling that there is no one out there who understands
What you're going through and the emotions that you have

But listen to me
Hear these words that I'm about to say
I understand what you're going through
The emotions that you are feeling
I understand and I want to help

Because once ago
I was going through
The same thing

(c)Ibarker

"Get over it"  . . .  Its not that easy
"Move on"  . . .  I've tried
"Let it go" . . . It is apart of me
"If it was me I would be happy"  . . . Impossible with my thoughts
"Think positive"  . . . I try everyday
"The past does not define you"  . . . It haunts me
"If you just think differently"  . . . If only my mind allows me to
Enlightening words from a friend who has never know depression
Whose mind is right
A friend who has no sickness holding them back from life

9/7/2017
Something sane people do not fathom
Those who do simply do not "get over it"

I think about it all the time. It finds me. Strengthens and weakens me. Like a low, deep beat, pulsating within the depths of my fluid core. Sometimes slow, sometimes fast. Always with me ever since I can remember. A stranger whom I know too well to understand. It finds me. Potent in my dreams. Ever present like a ray of warm, golden sunlight on my naked back. It follows my soul around like a shadow. In my salty sweat and tears. But I don't know what it is. Who it is. What is your name, I must know!
Lazy and restless, sings me to sleep them makes me excitable, wanting more. I can only go as far as my young body can take me, but you go much further. Always ahead. My glowing black hole leaking the softest sounds. My lake of peace and chaos, my ocean of delicious divinity. Your chaotic peacefulness keeps me living.
Once in a while you allow little drops of yourself to trickle down into my open mouth. Each drop you let loose is teeming with ever growing, multiplying, seducing stars of life. I do not know you well enough, but I understand. You, my muse, give me life with every exhale of ecstasy you pour over my head, into my heart.
You, elusive beauty, are the true gold, silver, and diamonds I seek each day I am alive. My life is complete, is full when I finally become one with your light, your truth. I cannot have you now though I wish and pray I could.
Everyday, since I entered the mysterious realm of that strange race known as teenager, you've injected yourself into my frisky spirit, settled over all my bare skin like a blanket of warm, effervescent water, breathing in and out of my sensitive stomach. You slide down my hair and blossom in my core. A strange, invisible, charming secret.
You are pure until I find you, until I reach out with child's hands to touch your throbbing surface, let my fingers wander over your smooth hills and steep slopes, caress the darkness evading me within your transcendent, formless body.
Come to me, my sweet undulation, that I might slip out of myself and fall right into your depths. You are hot and cold, a breeze on a spring morning, the gale in the summer afternoon, the intricate snowflake riding the fragile winds of a winter's evening.
Manifesting yourself in the increments of passion that come with a lover's kiss upon my neck. Full and bright as sister Moon, sweet and tart like the apple I sink my curious teethe into.
I think about you all the time. Find me. Weakening, strengthening, my knees give out even as you lift me up out of my atmosphere of safety. Always with me since memory began. The dim lamp of history fades while your bright fire burns forevermore.

Autumn Joy Aug 24

If you understood
all the feelings someone had
when someone passed
or when someone left

If you understood
someone's reason to keep going
when pain and doubt
crushed their every waking thought

If you understood
that you would never understand
maybe they'd have more comfort
maybe you would have been a better man

If you had kept trying
I'm sure you would have gotten there
to where you would understand
not every thing is for you to understand

If you understood
If you understood
If you understood
If you had kept trying
If you hadn't given up
If you were still here
If you knew what you would never know


If you understood

Immersent
Of a charm that makes
A hole in my life, hiding within
My sole purposes to do good are
Not all as they seem and they come to
The point then leave their mark, I just
Don't know what to say to make them understand;
Here in my cocoon, amongst feelings and fingers and friends,
Unseen the way I am as a light among colors and I'm so
Abstractly confused, my purity eats me up, slices my heart into
Star-shaped organisms floating in the waters of my spirit, I can't get
Out, must go through; I will wake up someday and find
Whatever is there never really was; strewn across
My consciousness is a heart that beats incessantly.

-----

Immersent
Of a charm
That makes a hole in my life,
Hiding within
My sole purposes to do good
Are not all as they seem
And they come to the point
Then leave their mark,
I just don't know
What to say
To make them understand;
Here in my cocoon,
Amongst feelings and fingers and friends
Unseen the way I am
As a light among colors
And I'm so
Abstractly confused,
My purity eats me up,
Slices my heart into
Star-shaped organisms,
Floating in the waters of my spirit,
I can't get out,
Must go through
I will wake up someday
And find
Whatever is there
Never really was;
Strewn across
My consciousness
Is a heart that beats
Incessantly.

Belle Aug 19

They ask these questions and make these statements as if they know what I'm going through.
"You're smarter than this."
Actually, I'm so smart I'm able to hide food right in front of your eyes, exercise in the room right next to you, and hide everything that's going on without you knowing a thing. Do you know the mental capacity this takes?
"You should stop making everything so public"
No. I will not be ashamed of who I am. I will speak out and I will inspire others.
"But you do want to get better, right?"
You need to understand that it's a constant battle between wanting to heal and wanting to stay the same, this isn't something I can just decide.
"Why don't you just do __"
It's just not that easy.
If only it were, maybe I wouldn't be in this situation.

Michael Aug 19

Today I let go of my fear
I said to you the hardest word to hear
I let go of my pride
I showed you a little part of me I usually hide
If I'm honest the word wasn't the hard part that was a lie
It's just that sorry is a word you don't hear very often
I suppose the reason it's so hard to hear is because we fail to understand the meaning behind the word we're complicated people we look so deap into things and in a single word I try to express a million others

I lied to you to conceal the truth
To afraid to reveal myself
I hold back he truth that I love you I remember the pain when I left you I save you from the cold reality
The reality that I am wrong for you

i wish it weren't true but I know if your to be happy I'm probably better off leaving this place
I hope one day your happy I hope I'm not wrong

I hope you accept my apology
I hope you see it simply I hope you don't understand the truth in that single word the truth that I bear on my back because if you don't I'll walk with it until I crack

floortje Aug 16

When people tell you that they understand what you're going through: They don't. They have no idea how you feel about anything. If you tell them that you had a sleepless night because of the test tomorrow morning, and they tell you that they understand: They don't. They're trying to calm you, trying to show you that you're not alone.

And maybe it's wrong to say, but for me it is the truth. The way I see it is that no one ever understands how you felt that night. That no one ever understands how much it killed you inside when your mom got angry, or when your cat died. No one knows how you felt when you got your heart broken for the first time, or when you broke your favorite mug. No one understands what you thought when you lost your best friend, or friends.

So if someone ever tells you that they understand, you know they don't. And you know that they can say whatever they want, but it won't change anything about you, because they do not understand.

Between a blink,
In darkness ever so brief,

Against each eye lid,
A visage rest finely engraved,
A visage of my own,

Though immaculate in high relief,
There was increasing unease,
As though to perceive it,
Was to obscure it,

Could this be,
But a buried impression of me,
Of dwindling memory,

Or, some idealised state,
That I hopefully await,

One thing be certain,
What visage linger,
Between the blink,
Is what I will never understand.

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