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It started again in July
The warm weather could never lift my spirits
As I have always been cold from the inside
Out, let me out
I’ve been trapped in a snowstorm since I was nine
Shivering in the warmth from the ice in my veins
The tsunami started in the school bathroom
After following my sister to the bathroom after dinner time
Night after night peeking through the cracks
To see her methods
The acidic volcano laid dormant inside me for a couple of years
Until I began to grow
Sprouting towards the sky like a sunflower
All I could think about was my waist
I hated it, I tried every method to destroy myself
And the monstrous overgrowth that devoured my forever changing body
Until one day I didn’t feel how hungry I was
The growling was silenced
All I could hear was her harsh voice droning me through
Take another step, don’t fall down
115 pounds of pure solid ice
The way down my throat is slippery
My fingers thin bunched together for the warmth that they could provide each other
Water is the only thing that comes out
The voice still haunts me
And somedays I wonder why my garden of a body had to be denied of sunlight
When I embraced the freeze
And hurled my body through
Body, I am so sorry
Laiba Oct 2
He was in my head
He was abusing me in the rain
I focused on the rain and ignored
The pain
The hurt
The exploitiaion
The rain protected me
Triggered today by the rain in London
eden Sep 30
how do i teach myself to heal
in the dark
i can't see five feet ahead of me
and i am not strong enough
to imagine it

how do i take
my arms
and wish for healing
rather than blades
and blood
why do i abuse myself
where nobody is watching

i woke up sobbing
there's nobody to tell
and there's nobody to tell me why
this is an old poem from when i wasn't in a good place. agh im sorry but this may be triggering for some.
Haley Protega Sep 30
My lover has a scar
Just above her hipbone;
It's not a small ****,
a forgotten accident.
They're words -
Straight lines she etched

I trace my fingers softly,
Not to wake my love,
But I can't soften their bite.
Words of cruel warning,
An order, imperative.
Commanding, even faded,
Echo a silent scream.

They mock me, mock us,
For they still have a hold:
She is only half mine.
They hurt me, cold,
Like unblinking eyes,
Knowing that she stares back
Every day.

I barely brush them,
Intruders on soft skin,
Indelible scripture
Of darkness within.

And they keep whispering:
don't eat.
Artem Mars Sep 30
I'm scared you'll do something
I'm scared it's my fault
because I am a coward
and you are not
that scares me
a lot
you don't want to be your dad
but you don't see
I already am my dad
because he was my hero
but he's not a good person
I'm scared you will do something
and I think I know why
it's because of me
and all that I did
but if you look closer
I'm the only one that's bad
You told me you'd be fine
but it's kind of selfish
to leave the planet
and not care what it does to me
you think I'd be better
it would destroy me
I'll talk you down
I know it's not your fault
guess. just guess. :)
Laiba Sep 25
It hurts me
To know
She's crying because of me
I didn't mean to cause her distress
She's my sister at the end of the day.
She worries she says I wish I could of seen you struggle Insted of cutting
I cry because i don't want to be her reason behind her tears
She's my sister
My world
Nola Leech Sep 23
My body is decaying with the knowledge that I can’t make it in the world
I wake up after a good twelve hours, aching and weak my only thought, you
I hear your voice in my head drilling me to walk up the stairs again
You tell me every day that you complete me that without you I’d be nothing more but the girl who was miserable with her body
The fat sausage finger girl who couldn’t fit in size twelve jeans
But with you, my dear Ana you’ve helped me drop 30 pounds in four months
I’m in love with you ana, you and your best friend Mia
I am a gray sky, and you are my storm
Lighting and thunder, my stomach roars but I can only hear your voice urging me forward
I eat at home, I take long walks alone
I have a notebook full of excuses that sleep under my bed
My room is a disaster, plates, and cups galore
I am disgusting, I’m hoping that when I reach my goal all of my flaws will fall away
I will be exactly like the pretty, skinny girls I see all around me
I’m cold all the time, it reminds me of when I got locked out in the middle of winter
I walked miles going forward seemingly nowhere
My coat taut fastened across my thin chest
But I was shivering, the unknown frightened me
But now I know where I’m going
You lead me with your deathly bone-thin hand
Outstretched arms you pull me in
My monstrous overgrowth devouring you
You squeeze me until all of the fat melts away
Until I am skinny
Until I am bone
Until I am nothing
Luiz Sep 16
dawn awakens this empty heart
dusk loneliness never parts

1 together always, unapart
2 times the pain now, as you depart
3 thousand miles, we're apart
but my release is never far

January 1st, you left me
2nd Valentine's I was alone
your march away came forth 3rd day

on that dreadful moon
month 2 dismayed
"May you travel well" said April - fool

February's march kept you cool
always next to you
friends June, May and that fool

I pain your absence strong and firm
but I don't squirm
for you within, is what I yearn

so my arms run red with blades
I love the burning of the flames
and I will never let you fade!

but the void develops, redevelops
it envelops me with fear
I'm gasping my last breaths
the black angel cheers

I love you, dear!, but POW!, I hear
tiny rivers of red flow now in fast gear
down the side of my temple
and to a peaceful clear


© 2020/@luizsyphre
fyi my friends, this is another final revision to a poem that will debut with my collection.  it's from 2 years ago, so I doubt anyone remembers this one.  I'll be posting these final revisions as I crank em out and of course, here the things to look out for are the word play with the months, turning into people's names, the numbers 1,2 and 3, which had special meaning in my past relationships  and see if u can pick out the rest. :) .  Cheers!
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