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all around me

they're   n o t h i n g
NOTHING you say

echoes in my brain

and they're  n o w h e r e
NOWHERE you say

echoes in my brain

So  w h y
WHY I ask

why are they everything and everywhere?

Lyda M Sourne Sep 25
I don't deserve what I have

1. I don't deserve to be alive
    So can I trade my life for
    Someone more valuable than me

2. I don't deserve to be loved
    So please give your heart to
    Someone who can love you more

3. I don't deserve happiness
    So direct your smile to
    Someone who will smile back at you

4. I don't deserve me
    So to myself
    Find someone else to be
Deadwood Jawn Sep 24
Look at me, dear...
And just see..

               I am ALONE.
               None have time for me!
               Yes, though some do,
               It is not the ones I want.


                                        No.. That's just..
                                        How I feel.
                                       I can't connect with the same gender.
                                        I hate being emotional with
                                                            ­                       other men.
         I need the opposite
They're much more...
Validating­ and
                   I can express myself
authentically, then.

They all got with their boyfriends and left me.
They all got with their girlfriends and left me.
They all got jobs and left me.
Yes, all the greatest and warmest
                   They left me.
                                             Not a day goes past where
                                             I do not think of them.
                                                           ­   My soul yearns and needs.
                                                          ­    I am needing.

People stopped looking after themselves..
And left me.

                            I don't care if I'm selfish.
I do not care if I sound ungrateful.
             I know who I am.
                                               I know how much I give.
                    I know I'm allowed to.. Express.
No, yes...
             I will not be denied.
                                                         ­                                I
                                                               ­  Really
    ­                              Crave
                 So much....


I miss the days.
Where my friends or classmates
Would disclose to me that
they cut themselves too.
I miss that.
Not because I enjoy them suffering...
But because I enjoyed that intimacy...
What must I do?

                                     What must I do?
              What must I do?

                                                            ­   What must I do?

                                                            ­ Find a girlfriend?
                                                     ­        No...
                                                           ­  I am not strong enough
                                                          ­   For that, yet.


                              No, not yet.


Wrap your hands around my heart and let me feel again.
O accursed. Please.
Yes, do see my pain and agony inside.
For I am bleeding out.
                                        I am forever lonesome.
                                        Let me know what touch feels like,
                                        Once again.


Why won't anyone want to touch me...

I want to touch them...

But they don't want to touch me...


They don't want to touch me...
Not anymore..

Just how many times do they speak to you first?
I'm grieving the loss of my greater friendships.
Arden Sep 23
Can we talk about the word trigger
Because people are dumb
Teenagers say they are triggered when
They don’t want to write a paper
They miss a goal in soccer
They drop their phone
That is called being annoyed or disappointed
That is not triggered

A trigger is an emotional allergy
Some that triggers distress or panic
A trigger is loud noises cause a panic attack
ash Sep 16
You’re good at finding the things that will hurt you and french-kissing them behind the locked door of a school bathroom stall.

When you were 12 your mother found you with scraped knees and asked why the hell you run to things when you’re so intent on falling down.
It’s a good hurt if it bleeds and it’s the best hurt if it kills you.

If you don’t want good things, nobody can take them from you so you take them from yourself, the art of denying, of choosing bad choice bad choice bad choice until you’re dizzy with victory because yeah maybe you ruined your life but it was your life to ruin and nobody not nobody is going to control you like that again.

Who can hurt you when you’re already cutting the brake lines and setting fire to the engine.
Who can hurt you when you’re practically an artist at self-destruction.
Pain is clean.
Pain makes sense.
Pain is temporary.

Isn’t it all temporary.
feeling down again. but when am i not.
julianna Sep 12
How can I send this message?
I tie a ribbon ‘round my wrist,
To keep a measure of my rib cage
And I scarf down my food,
I shower when no one’s around
Cause’ I can chuck it up in silence
Still trynna be silent because I’m paranoid
That I’ll spill Mia’s little secret
So many letters,
But I’m still wearing an “ED” necklace
round’ my thin neck
Read between the lines on my wrists
I don’t like being alone,
But I need help and you don’t give it, no.
Lyra Saros Aug 13
I’ve always been erratic
There’s still an ember in these ashes
The forest has cooled since the fire
The birds are coming home tonight
They make their nests from kindling

Is it still a relapse if I never quit?
tw self harm
CNM Aug 5
I boil and bubble over my clothes like steam over a cauldron
Cooking up a dreadful brew
At times unaware,  at times I am still in the body of a 16 year old
At war with her mind and body
Bones almost audibly creaking with each gust of wind
And although the world wasn’t kind to me all of those years ago
And although I wasn’t kind to me
And although older boys snarled their teeth at my protruding rib cages and hip bones hungry for a snack
I’d do anything
To get my body back

And boy, if they didn’t gnaw away at my skin and flesh
I may have been left with my beautifully rigid shell
But my insides are spilling out in soft rolls
Reflections making my head spin, the spinning of the clock, the new looseness of my exterior, my own hell
Maybe if I could do a spell I could tell the goddess how my body once fell at the hands of the Devil and it began to swell like a balloon and I’m waiting for it to pop
I’m waiting for it stop
And hopefully then
I will no longer dwell
On how much I hate a body
That holds me so well
Renee Aug 5
My love, when you leave me,
I will burn everything you have ever touched
My bed will become a war zone between my memories and my exhaustion
I will try and fail to throw away my body, too,
Because a palace I cannot escape still feels like a prison.

This is not because I cannot live without you,
This is because I don't want to live with myself

I latch onto the feeling of your arm around my waist
Committing it to some sense memory for the future

I cry for no reason,
Not one that I can discern.
I have a feeling my tears know something I don't.

Is there something I can do to keep you?
I started this draft in April because I felt the end coming. And now he's gone. I know this poem is problematic but I never said any of the stuff about hurting myself to him. It was only for myself.
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