Somewhere in the past
you were deeply affected within your interaction
with one of my accounts. I don't know who you are
(who the person is that is leaving tangible fingerprints
on the keyboard of this account I am speaking to)..
I can only guess,
but I am fairly sure that my guess is accurate,
so I will keep all of that to myself,
so that you can freely and without fear of being found out,
go back with me to that place inside of yourself that felt so well
met and seen back then.
In turn, no more *******, devaluing of love
the way that you do so often at close range.
If you pull that horrendously harmful **** again,
I will pull away again, but this time.. never come back.
That being said, I will not leave you hanging,
(or do my best to not to)
if you bring towards me the need within you..
that through your memory,
you so well believe that I can satisfy
(and you already know that I am not talking about the ******).
You feel the deep, internal response--
from deep within that body of yours,
when love warmly touches
previously untouched places within you
And you spin them out publicly right in the midst of our
closeness of interaction (which I think is really cool),
just please don't flay me for showing my humanity
by responding back to you sexually.
I will keep that side to myself, if that is what it takes
to keep you from throwing me under the bus, yet again.
The ****** (within the closeness of warm, loving connection) --
((even in the world of support..))
that very sensuality so perfectly parallels..
through physical, tangibly-felt metaphor..
all that there is also within the Realms
when it comes to the spiritual.
Healing of that which has become broken by the fallen
******-up version of love this world brings--
that type of healing and restoration back into wholeness
is what all relational closeness is meant to bring, and stand for.
You want something that you deeply believe that I have,
yet somewhere.. maybe in another life..
I must have hurt you deeply,
or you wouldn't be sending all these finger-puppet forays
Come and get what you want and need,
and if you believe I am shorting you your rightful blessing
by missing it.. or simply just being generically stupid,
then instead of flaying me publicly,
privately come to me in boldness,
and shake it out of me--
that which is rightfully yours-- my healing-response.
and do it brazenly, with a fierce, yet open and vulnerable heart
the way that you have shown in your poems. Maybe in time
you will find out all on your own
that what you thought was hurtful from me, was felt
out of perception, rather than what was actual.
If I really did do something, tell me what it is
so that I can own up to it and tell you that I am sorry
for ******* everything up that way..
if, in fact.. it was something I really did.
I will only talk to you from here (my M Vogel account)
so that you can rise and fall
concerning what things you need most from me,
by the responsibility of you,
and of me.
You already know that I am Paul.
You can call me that, or M Vogel,
or any of my other account names if you want,
but get inside of here with me what it is that you came for.
If it is something that I am able to give or be a part of..
then know it will become yours in time.
You have the ability..
even though being spoken to this way
both wildly turns you on
and completely scares you shitless
(and probably both at the same time)
you have proven, through your posted words
that you are actually able to be a part of and do,
what has for so long felt so horribly distant from you,
and so horrendously impossible for you to attain.
You have earned every single part of this very rightful place
that you now have in here with me.
Please don't stupidly **** it up the way that you so well
and so often do.
You are brilliant, girl. We both know that.
Stupid things are possible because your world has had learn
to be so incredibly indirect in order to survive.
What has saved you up until now, out there..
will destroy everything for you, in here.
But you are human, and rendering old things dead
may be too much to ask for.. so I will tell you now--
that even if within your broken, PTSD-filter--
you make a mess of the closeness-- at close range..
then with poetry, find your way back into my heart--
by speaking solely from yours as you have.
**** me over too insincerely and callously without remorse,
and you yourself will have stolen you-- directly from
that of the deepest of places within my own heart.
Your call, kid..
You are not a little 14 year old clad in combat boots anymore.
Yours is a living, breathing heart--
left withering within the dry desert of indirectness
that you have been forced up until now to live in.
Every single day the sun comes up, anew. Those words mean
everything to you for a reason.
Through love and accountability, breathe life in to them.
That is how you will make them real.
Let him know that you know best
'Cause after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
without granting, innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong--
the things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
As he begins to raise his voice
you lower yours,
and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
or break with the ones that you've followed
He will do one of two things..
he will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
and you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong
(I lost a friend)
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
you gorgeous little **** <3