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letha fay Apr 16
drink in my hand.
laughter fills the room,
as the band on stage cracks a joke.
inhaling the drug fumes.

this addiction is only temporary.
it keeps me bright,
it makes me forget all the weight i carry.
despite what i feel in the next hour.

i make it home,
laying alone in my bed.
those haunting feelings come back to roam.
they will never leave your head.

no matter how many drinks,
the drugs,
all of the parties,
bars…

at the end of the day,
you still feel like you’re shrinking.
there’s no one to lug you back.
your heart isn’t at ease.
there are still scars.

a.b.
writing this at 6am
lionness Apr 12
you stole the song off my breath,
you stole the sweet off my smile,
i'll hit this blunt until there's nothing left
and stay hollow here a while,
and there's nothing left
between the forest and the fire,
so i'll watch it all burn down
and just pray the flames grown higher.

do you think that they remember me?
the girl with doll eyes who gave into them endlessly
and covered up their lies.
i was a child,
too small to reach, yet still to big to cry.
sometimes the lesson doesn't teach,
sometimes the phoenix doesn't rise,

and the ash remembers me
as the one who got away.
i try not to think too much,
and there's just not much to say,
and if the sky were to fall down,
how much would it weigh?
on my shoulders, getting older,
but as young as i was that day.

for now, i'll just get high,
stare into the wall,
sink into this place where
there's nothing left at all.
time moves faster every day,
and still i feel so small,
trapped inside this place where
there's nothing here at all.
Kushal Apr 7
I've been on the drugs,
Broken arms with the medicine,
Thrown in a hole I never dug,
They say the white walls are for my betterment.

They say it's for the pain,
Say it's for your head.
It must be on the outside,
Inside I feel dead.

Somebody pressed mute on the radio,
Now my volume dial's broke on the stereo.
Nobody hears me scream,
That I wish I could let go.
I wish I could grab ahold.

Looking in the mirror but I don't see me,
Just confusion and some emptiness,
Shakespearean with no remedy.
Woe is me, oh where is me?
I feel like I used to be a better me.

Now my volume dial's broke on the stereo.
Nobody hears me scream,
I wish I could let go.
I wish I could grab ahold

Another one down,
Another one drank.
Another time you tell me I'm fine.
Another time I wish I was.

I guess I'm not dead...
Ryan Long Mar 14
I want to rap it out
 but I don't know where to start
 it's just so hard

 when 

I talk about things from my heart


 and I don't know how to say this to you
 And be true to myself 
 But I'm not sure I'm ready
 to just put it on a shelf 

 Cause things they keep coming 
 they keep attacking me 
from every angle 
 up down left and right it's all on top of me 

 it's just so hard going through life 

with all these memories 

 Sitting here thinking 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
But all I want is a little bit of closure

It always comes at the worst times
I'll see something while standing in line
And the memories come rushing back
And there's nothing i can do 
Nothing left now but to think about you

Bout the good times we used to have
All the crazy stuff we did and we'd laugh

All the plans we laid out together
Turns out none of it came true
 but it eventually did get better

Man the parties we threw that was fun
And don't forget when we both bought our first gun
Loads of alcohol and bullets plus a suit or two
Life was pretty good hanging with you

Sitting here thinking 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
I'm just trying to get a little bit of closure

You were my best man and i was yours
Life started getting busy and of course
It got harder to keep in touch 
And get together
But we never lost that vibe we survived
Cause we promised i got your back forever

But then the worst happened
You took a nose dive with some bad people
Got hooked on drugs and alcohol 
And they became your steeple 
Started to lose touch and you turned your back on family

It's so ******* up but we been through worse haven't we?!

Today i don't know where you are
I don't know if you're fine 
or if you're living in a car
A dead beat or just dead ashes in a jar

But Man i wish you would hear this
I still got your back you're not friendless 

Sitting here dreaming 'bout old friends
Promised we'd be there till the end
Up late trying to keep my composure
I think I'm too late to have any closure
Shadow Mar 14
Drown out the memories with another pile of powder
Railing line after line just to rid all the pain
Using these substances every waking hour
Geeked out my mind and feeling insane
Still it feels better then being alone
Why anyone,
who has seen the eyes of divinity
would ever think that they should leave
whatever space or place or mindset where
they found it, to deny intrepidly that,
without a doubt,
they sincerely believe
that they
saw nothing
out of the ordinary;
no mysterious magic miracle
meant to mean something
to the eyes of wonder
worn by children,
full of mystic revelry;
That there
in this world
with mind unmarred
nothing surreal occurred;
no mysterious light was seen
which no one else could see:
and (hold on)
dismiss that which is in his view of the world which he verily sees,
…and just … look away…
is strange to me.

Why would someone want to leave
the presence and the peace
of creation for some dream?

What motivation could there be to dismiss reality
…for some make believe world…  
that, in which, magic things - do not - exist?

I certainly cannot believe they’d look away intentionally…
Not me!
Composed on or around 1/10/24
Some final thoughts of an addicted mind on communing with god through drug induced means… a last desperate effort by a mind seized to justify its toxic, self-destructive inclination by making it metaphysical. It was deceived.

The devil in the room
Wants to know if you can see him
Doesn’t believe that you can see
Wants you to see
Doesn’t care if you believe
~
I.
Killing Mary Poppins
with a spoonful of sugar,
the sugar from the medicine
on the other side of town,
the town called Silent Hedges
And A Bit Of Fluff.


II.
Only a display model,
her name is Marmalade;
skin white like the moon,
she wears her ****** stranger dress;
one of her sisters is dying,
the other never lived;
God is a far off concept,
the fuchsia colored ball on
an overhead power grid
points her way to salvation.


III.
Morning became something else:
bright decline,
cold things start to burn,
tragic saxophone
among the beckoning,
everything's a symptom:
tax exiles, imperialists,
girls talking nitrous
--mouths full of soil,
Virginia Reel around the fountain
(do-si-do),
ready to buy up impossibles
as the dominoes fall.


IV.
Memory is a chemical
to the girl who cried champagne,
like ceiling stars
during the prodigal summer,
she played the game
on all fours,
and found a drawer
full of quarantine polaroids,
some with blood in her mouth,
others, of rain on her birthday.

~
Heather Feb 29
God I wish Narcane worked on you
Cuz I’m dying to get a breath without you clamping down on my chest
ThePoet Feb 12
4:21am,
and I’m not sure where the hours went
Wondering if it’s worth it all,
all of the wasted time spent?
Struggling to keep myself around
Plummeting deep into the ground
The line I crossed is where I’m bound
A game of lost and never found

4:32am,
and I’m not sure when it started
Wondering if I deserve it all,
whatever left me broken hearted?
A shallow rise for a deeper low
If I swallow lies then I can’t let go
It’s always yes when it should be no
But I reminisce what I used to know

4:43am,
and I’m not sure how it ended
Wondering if I divert it all,
will I come out the other side mended?
I hide in thoughts buried in my head
Live inside the plots I made up instead
I can’t revive when I know I’m dead
And I won’t survive in the life I’ve led

4:54am,
and I’m not sure if I’m myself again
Wondering if I revert it all,
can I go back in time before it all began?
I knew it’s wrong but it felt too right
I grew so strong but I lost the fight
Intertwined with the depths of night
It’s where I find just a glimmer of light

The silence is deafening when it makes a sound
Zywa Jan 31
Please be sensible!

If all the girls are gorgeous,


let someone else drive.
Novel "Buiten is het maandag" ("Outside, it's Monday", 2003, J. Bernlef), §  1-4

Collection "Moist glow"
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