In the depths of despair, I find myself bound
Wrapping my feelings, discarded and drowned
A facade I wear, to hide all the sad
These pills promised joy, but it's all just a fad

Awoken from slumber, uncertainty sets in
A dreamlike haze, questioning where I've been
Carelessly ingesting the pills I rely
But happiness eludes, just a hollowed-out lie

A world spinning 'round as I lay on the floor
Regret floods my thoughts, seeping to my core
Perhaps behind the smile, I was never truly glad
A facade shattered, revealing the sadness I've had

Waiting for flatline as time slips away
The clock's steady ticking, my senses betray
Listening closely, knowing the world will carry on
In its blissful ignorance, without me, it will dawn.

I'll paint my pain on the wall
The battles of my nights
Making me fall
And inner paranoid fights

Every night I want to start again
Won't break the habit
A normal life I won't regain
the drugs are my gadget

I locked the door
I can hear you running down the hall
Your screams I ignore
My dark memories made me pay for all

And in silency I regret
The steps that I took
My addiction made you upset
But you never saw, that demons wrote my book

Every moment of your life
Could be a different moment
Is a different moment
In your very own Spider-Verse
TVA-pruned timeline
Marvel garbage science

Assuming that's reality
I roll up a spliff and smoke it
I roll up a spliff and don't
I smoke just the cannabis
Or smoke tobacco
Or don't smoke at all
Unlikely here and now, but
I could choose to
Choose not to smoke

And every choice I make
I also didn't
So potentially I'm something
Or else something else
But everything I am
Or I become
I'm not
And I will never be

To breathe
Or not to breathe
To clean the house
Or finally apply for jobs online
Once I update my resume
Or make some kind of tangible progress
Or none of that
Some version of none of that

The curse of the night
Is the blure in my life
The Things I took, weren't nice
They Show me a spooky sight

Scars like tattoos on my skin
Telling the stories I went in
The game I played, I will not win
It made me live in the city of sin

But this city is tearing me down
This city, full of strange clowns
And the odd beast is wearing the crown
And I'm wearing the queens gown

I tried to find a way
So I can leave the city today
But all the ways lead to stay
Trapped in the city, no way away

I hear a haunted voice
It was to much but not your choice
Now I have to pay the invoice
I hear the creepy drum beat noise

It's the army of death
I have no breath
They're comming, to bring me to the depth
To chamber of the undead

A ringing voice, hey sis come back
I looked at the door, I hear it crack
And then around me, only black
The earth was quaking and I felt a whack

My mind flew through space
I came back to my place
I saw my brothers face
The paramedic said "We have to go, no time to waste"

You said: Wow, I think you are poet.
But I don't think,
I already know it.

You asked: Does it mean
that you date a lot of women
and smoke a lot of dope?
I said: Nope.

You kept asking:
So what does it mean!?

It means I write love letters
to my heroine.

Said I’d watch the baby.
Found her piggy bank.
Sweats. Shivers. Shakes.
Back in twenty to meet the man
Pocket full of quarters.
The baby’ll be fine--I'll be fine.

you take,
and you take,
and you take;
anything to fill the void,
anything to keep it going,
and it's always just one more.
you take pills,
you take hearts,
you take memories of those
who weren't fortunate enough
'cause in comparison it seems
that you are better than this,
but you know how much it hurts,
you know exactly how it feels.
so you lie,
and you lie,
and you lie;
with your tearstains on the pillow,
that's no way to live a life.
but there's nothing left of you,
you took it all to fill the void,
so now you have to keep it going
and you swear it's just one more.

An autobiography in prose and poetry
by Catherine Jarvis aka invisible ink

This is not a peaceful, easy read
A bedtime story soft and mild
It rends the breast and makes it bleed
Brings savagery out of a child.

Who is this woman, you may ask.
This changeling growing up unseen
She drank out of a drugg'd flask
Who, from breast of poison, weaned.

The paper ochre, the ink blood red
It vanishes in the brown and yellow
A bloodbath which is blank instead
It could nev'r be mild or mellow.

Growing wild, Wednesday's child
Her veins flow arsenic and lace
Web of tattoos artwork styled
Growing weirdly on her face

Now she has small wings of gold
Rusted silver, which is odd
Jesus' blood now courses bold
Purified by our Great God

Invisible ink
aka Catherine Jarvis