How quickly
this |all for fun| addiction
set a course bearing
toward my total dependency.

LSD: I indulge once or twice a year.
A shamanistic, healing dance,
performed in the name of love,
and connectivity to ancient
echoes of my indigenous blood.

MDMA: I dance the whole night,
once or twice a year. Fill my
absorbent emptiness to its rim
with a tinge of feeling somewhat
reminiscent of happiness.

You think: dark. wasteful. reckless.
You think ill? Let me say, then,
as a person, versed in the first person,
weed is the worst. Weed: bad.

Here's the thing. It's easier.
To normalize. A gentle thing,
that doesn't hurt you, but.
I'm demure. Unfocused.
Unaware, again, of musculature.
I smoke to staunch. The aching pain.
But here's the thing: I don't move.

Is it just me? Possibly. Is it only me,
in this world of subdued fever?
Definitely not. That much: impossible.
I gave in. A time ago. To feeling calm.
I'm. I'm on top. High on pot. All the time.

I want. Want to stop. All the time.
It's true: I've become the traitor to our kind.
I like truth. Do you?
I need the truth.

I've fucked up.
But it's not.
Not too late.
Pumping blood.
Love myself,
and hate,
hate myself.

I smoke weed. Every day.
I want to stop.
I been hurtin for a squirtin, intense,
from a passionate fucker
possessing intent, directly meant
for pleasure over pain,
keeping in mind, mind over matter,
they're one in the same.
I been travelin with a party of thieves,
learnin my designation
may be more of a disembodied hand
hovering, pulling the string.
Spandex wearin body behind the scene,
black as the shadow,
sad as the rainbow
using dithering.
Amanda 1d
Emptied yourself of emotions
Nothing remains but shadows and rain
Warmth inside diminishing
Numbness spreads throughout each vein

Used to be so alike
Hardly recognize you in this state
I am too fragile to withstand
Damage from the drug I hate

Despise you for letting it win
I see you surrender, can't speak
I get embarrassed loving someone
So selfish, careless, and weak.

I imagine I look pretty stupid
To those who saw the picture from afar
Cut the best parts of my heart out for you
To this day you keep them in a jar

Swallowed by powerful doubts
Choking on tears that pour
Sinking in confusion building
Frozen by longing for what we had before

Staring through hazy promises
Walking in a resentful fog
Alone, hollow, unable to let go
Shards of our relationship spell our epilogue

Litter floor with broken dreams and syringes
They cut, scream at me to turn around
Try and patch our injured hearts
They grow weaker with each pound

Yet we continue attempting
To repair the love we destroyed
I need to accept that you're no longer you
Where your soul once was there is now only a void
Heroin changes people into empty shells of their former selves
Amanda 2d
Every day is a
Battle to keep taking steps
Forward and not back
One day at a time
sage 4d
My eyes drift up when I try to remember

if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be on this bender

I wish i was sober from sadness

but I can’t stay away from the drugs and our last kiss

I can’t be mad

you were the best high I’ve ever had
kinda writing more emo rap inspired song lyric poetry?? idk
how can u be my motivation
when u clearly only hinder me.
u have been shaking my foundation,
i only hope - some day soon - u will finally let me be.

u have given me demons - carried ghosts that i am terrified to face;
i know that everything happens for a reason - i just wish that those reasons would pick up the pace.

i can't help how my mind makes me feel - the intrusion of thoughts are breaking me down;
i convince myself that they are real -
that everyone would be better off if i wasn't around.

maybe it's the alcohol - maybe it's the drugs,
i can't function without an abundance of the two.
all of my problems were swept under imaginary rugs -
i am so far from gone - idk what to do.
i don't wanna be alive
Anxiety Pills popped
skin temp dropped
Depression sky rocks  
Mind feels numb
Mellow from popping pills I shouldn’t swallow
One pill, two pills, three pills, this is how love kills, chasing cheap thrills, to end up on reels
Pride suffercated, ego tested
Limits ignored
Emotions battle back
as I stimulate myself with techniques my counselor taught me, they don’t seem to help
as my heart still feels empty, this pain truly has taken the best of me, and introduced me to my inner enemy “me”
Breath in and breath out
Deep inside the demons want a chance to shout
Wrist full of memories
Blood loss reminding me of near tradgeties
Anxiety kisses my neck while depression traces its dirty hands all over me
This is a threesome I hoped to not be in
In the end I cum pure emotions
Give it your own means. Three stories combined in one poetry piece.
my eyes are drenched with the oceans tears, vast and never ending.
my throat is choked in a bile of desperate words that want to be free.
my wrists burning in this warming sensation, that I want to cut out.
my lungs filled with the reminiscing smoke that was your words, laughter and smile.

It's given me cancer.

The cigarette butt that I kept consuming even though everyone told me to quit. I tired too, I'm still trying but then I keep crawling back to this needle and inject my veins with a distraction.
I feel warm, and I'm breathing normally, but then it settles in, I'm empty, needing to calm myself down with the sound of your voice that I can't hear.
get out of my head.
Nyx 5d

Dear Older brother
You're never around
My Dear older brother
it's seemed you've dropped your crown

I've grown up knowing you merely by name
I didn't grow up with you
I haven't seen your bad days
Thou I do know somethings to be true

I know of a niece of mine
She a daughter of yours
Her name is Brianna
I still remember after all these years

She's kind and sweet
very loud and obnoxious
though you neglected her
She's always been quite cautious

You're the ghost of the family
The so called black sheep
Disappearing from existence
though nobody seemed to weep

In the past you were quite the rebel
  You grew weed in pots
Shoved them high in the trees
But that was a terrible hiding spot

I heard father tell me
You were part of the wrong crowd
You became a well known drug dealer
Going around this old town

I called you awhile ago
To inform you grandma died
But you didn't know who i was
Don't worry about it I replied

Half the same blood
We hold in our bodies
But clearly nothing alike
We aren't carbon copies

I wish though sometimes within the night
That you could have been a real brother
And a real father to your daughter
Instead of a stranger like any other

But time passes like everything else
There is no point hoping for the impossible
So to my so called dear older brother
I hope you can care for somebody
If thats even possible


To be buried due to old age
Is a dream I take for granted
Allow children time to assuage
Not to join blanketed by the planet

Age, a privilege not given to all
Genocide before nightfall
Malnutrition at the mess hall
Drugs calling souls to awol
Avarice causes many to fall
From buildings so so tall
                cannon balls,
Death dealers always on the call

But to be buried due to old age
Is a dream I take for granite
and tomorrow
and tomorrow and tomorrow
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