Rachel 4d

i'm sorry love
but I can't get up
to play with you today.
I used to have
all this life in me
but it's up and gone away.

come sit on my bedside,
i'll tell you of the times
we used to have,
yes, I miss the days like that,
but the memories still make me glad.

I wish I had known then
that I was running out of time.
when we ran free never fearing that
soon it would no longer
all be just fine.

but there's nothing that you can do
so, please, there's no need to cry.
I can't play with you today, my love,
but tomorrow I will try.

olive 5d

my colors are different
and they live in my mind
i spent so long unaware
that these colors are mine

sometimes they are sad
and sometimes bring pain
but they cannot change
and that makes me insane

i wish they would go
and let me have peace
but i am my colors
and my colors are me

Toby 5d

As soon as I walked in,
The mood changed.
It was because of me.
I tried to bring it back.
Nothing I did work.
You said, "You're emotionally unavailable."
Then the sadness crept back in.
I tried to take my mind off it.
While you sat and did your own thing.
Found you on the floor saying, "whatever" to all my suggestions.
Then you up and left.
Probably wouldn't have said a word if I hadn't asked.
I'm constantly asking myself: should two people with mental illnesses be together?
I guess the answer is whatever.

Riot 6d

I cried myself to the shower last night.

I used boy shampoo over the arms that I’ve been scratching for hour, four hours spent trying to get the blood I hated so much to come up and sit on my skin like it was their art gallery, hanging on for display.

It never came.

I run water over me burning tears into camouflage,the words of an empty life stung to my head as if the thoughts branded it here on me permanently.

I’ve had nights like this before.

Nights where I put on the loosest pajamas I could find, the ones with ESPN written written as read as the books on my old library shelf. The ones I took when my brother went to work and left me by myself, the ones that made me feel manly, even if I didn’t look like a man.

I wouldn’t put a shirt on.

My chest was bare, not in the way I wanted, but I couldn’t tear off my breast and give them to a girl who wasn’t born with them, I’d just have to stare till my stomach growled and tears streamed down my face, fears of a life unloved and unlived made me put on a loose shirt and tell myself I wasn’t hungry, so instead I thought of you.

You, with your crooked smile when you see me at your doorstep with the sun’s colors draped in a bouquet. I show up in a fox shirt, the one I call lucky, and you count each and every one and you point out how dorky I am.

You, with your back on the mattress of the cheapest apartment we could find, reading love letters I’ve written to your baby sister over the phone, telling her of all my love in the distance of thousands of miles. I try to pretend I can’t hear you from the kitchen as I make you tea, the lemon juice coating it bronze with the color of its juice, your vase holds out bright sprouts of happiness as a centerpiece.

Daisies plague my mind on nights like these. They’re scattered at your funeral & my own on our graves, at the fifty yard mark.

“We’ve been rolling together since we were 25.”

Nights like these remind me that my masterpiece is so far, even if the dasies are so close, so near.

bess 7d

Sometimes I wish you were never apart of my life.

But if it wasn't for you, what the hell would be left of me?

Would all of the cuts and scratches and scars disappear? All of these ugly, little things that tell my story would simply evaporate?

It's because of you that I can tell the good days from the bad.

And it's because of you I appreciate the small things.

I appreciate smooth roads because I've driven on rocky.

Some days I close my eyes so tight they hurt. I beg and I beg and I beg that when I wake up, all of the bad is gone.

The memories.

The hurt.

The ache.

But I open my eyes and I'm still just here. So I exist.

And some days, that's all I need to do,

Simply exist.

Nutshell Nov 13

Lightning strike through the eye of mine
Thunder roar with savage and might
Am i dead?  Or am i alive?
All i can see is a powerful light

A voice approaching me from far end
Calling my name over and over
Should i trust the voices for me to tend
Or should i ignore until my soul devour

Light burst's evrywhere over darkness
Voices echoed through me
Instantly taking away the sadness
I trust you, come unto thee.

Woke up with blunder vision.
Voices still echoing within me.
Dreaming nor awake is the attention
Sketchy black figure are all around me.

Angie S Nov 13

the whirlpool churns,
beginning to turn frothy and treacherous
i reach my arms towards anything
but i clutch my own shirt,
and i spin.
the whirlpool turns me around
my eyes cross and i suspect i may
i want to ground myself
but in a whirlpool
where is up and where is down
i am churning
my nails dig deeper into the fabric
this brain of mine tosses itself
into havoc

i am holding onto words
i struggle to remember
the whirlpool churns
and in turn those words are lost to me

today, i tried my best to work on some free verse rhyme. i admire spoken word poetry for its incredible rhyme and flow. it's something that i feel is hard to even think about as a largely 'written word' poet (or at least, i struggle with it).

a storm so horrible and paralyzing only has one name
Steff Nov 12

I'm as free as the great lake
Confined by the land
Crashing and flowing
Against the shores
Until it empties into the ocean
The way I seep through my walls
And slowly discover true freedom

Raquel Butler Nov 10

I am so much more than I ever expected to be
Despite drowning in this insufficiency
A chorus of deafening inadequacy
Proving myself and others wrong,
So deliciously

I never expected to be so far
I expected to be much farther
I never expected to be alive
I expected to be demising

I know I’ve hurt
I know I’ve broken others
I know I’ve bruised
I know I’ve used others

Regretful I suppose
Just reactionary behavior

And I have succumbed to my darkest depths
Though they have never won
And I have fallen back 12 steps
Yet still, I scale the rungs

So when I say “I’ve given up”
Never do believe me
I am capable of getting up
Love, I’m just that crazy.

I mean it was inspired by you, but like also I needed this anyway.
Kate Gilleo Nov 9

I've come out before
when I was fourteen
as a lesbian
in front of everyone I love
about who I wanted to love
and they grew silent
pretending to not have heard.

I've come out before
when I was sixteen
as a Christian
about He whom I've devoted myself to
to show how much I care, enough
in front of people who seem to care enough

I've come out before
when I was sixteen
as a young adult
in a coming-of-age tradition I don't care about
in front of people I don't care about

Now I come out again
at eighteen
as a dead woman walking
in a place where I am sharing my story
with people who need to hear my story

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