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elle 12h
I saw you withering
before me, like I felt the air in my diaphragm build up slow
then fall shakily out of me.

I saw my grandmother wince
Put her hand to her mouth,
side-ways gripping this tiny Chaplain
who’s name I’d forgotten, the moment I heard it.

I saw my cousin staring deep into empty space, his nervousness illuminated
under harsh hospital lights. My uncle’s red tie screaming in this room of too tired eyes, wearing reddened faces from crying.
The fear of this reality bit at our ankles. We shifted in place, we talked about the Sox game. We dared each other to keep on pretending to carry on.

And most of all,
I saw you underneath piles of tubes.
Lain upon the bed a shattered man.
Shoulder blades peeking upward and out in what was poised to be
an eternal shrug.
Head hung, eyes fluttering, only held up in increments of straining. Straining to be part of this conversation about nothing. About your impending death.
Rounds of tears and silence
Rounds of nurses coming
and going,
Rounds of knowing
then suddenly,
not knowing.

Propped up by a tank of air, a bag of liquid, a ton of pillows and the slow-burning will to live.
It’s hard to see the end coming when it’s around the corner. It’s hard to feel the truth when is rises up inside, hot tears and quivering words. Before you know it, you said what may be your last words to him. Before you know it you’re in an elevator, then a car, then you’re waking up and it’s months or years away. But you will still feel it- that hot sadness, that burning ache for that tiny space carved out in you, from when he gripped your hand so tightly and opened his eyes and stared into your face. His presence firmness so captivating, like my face held his only hope, like it was the only place for his big blue eyes to lay their path on. Like he is still looking at me. For answers. For a tomorrow. And I try to live like he’s watching. And I try tell myself he is.
Her 14h
my friends and i
we go to scary farms
my friends and i
we go to haunted houses
my friends scream in terror
at the ghosts and ghouls

while i stand there
with no expression
they ask me why
i am not scared

how do i tell them
there is nothing scarier in this world

than losing your own m i n d
eva-mae 1d
from a mile away
i could love you
in the distance
a soft focus version
of your harsh being.

from across the road
or down the stream
i could love you
cry you a river of
romance, to match
the momentum of
your fist.

from down the stream
i could love you
run away from you
as fast as the current
flows, fast enough to dry
the blood sweat and tears
you have caused me.

from the fire escape of a
city i could love you
but you're the fire that I
am always within an inch
of, the cigarette burns on my stomach
prove it.
Kelsey 2d
We grew up together
Two peas in pod
You were my sidekick and I was yours
My one true platonic soulmate

So how did I let this happen?
How did I not know what was
Happening behind the four walls of your mind.
Behind the baggy sweaters that
Were suddenly "fashionable" all year round.

But if I think back carefully
Maybe I didn't miss it
Maybe I just ignored it

Ignored how when you got back from your
Summer in France the snug hoodie I gave you
Was no longer very snug
But rather hung like an ornament
On the thin frame of your body

Or how your legs began to resemble sticks
With a thigh gap most girls would die for.
Maybe I should have known the first time
You refused to eat your favourite ice cream
(chocolate mint chip) because calories!

When you told me you were in hospital
You said you were sick
But not in the way I thought you were
Because you didn't have chicken pox
Or pneumonia or bronchitis
You were sick in way that was much more twisted
You had a sickness of the mind
One that toyed with your thoughts
And messed with your sense
Until your body was wasting away.

I must admit at first I was angry
Because how could you keep this from me
I was your best friend and
You never told me your biggest secret
However then I was shocked
I could not understand
how you were in so much pain
And yet I did not know.
How had I cried for months
Proclaiming pain and suffering
That I believed no one could relate too
And yet here you were
Silently proclaiming the exact pain .
Why are we allowed to be at risk?
I’m more likely to die by my own hands than by murder.
We are letting our youth slip away:
Every 16 minutes a light flickers out.
By the end of the year,
We’re down by 800,000
From 15-24 we’re DYING
We are dying.
So let this be a warning to society,
To do something about it now.
Harri 3d
They say demons should be
                                                               exorcised
They say in the dark lurks
                                                               evils
They say in your soul 
should be nothing but
                                                               light
That washed out is better 
than chiaroscuro.
They say all these 
                                                               things
But what do they know,
these people who live in the grey?
My muses are demons
My pen is a knife
My life is much
                                                               better
With black ink in my
                                                               veins
I suppose if their minds were to
                                                               open
We'd all be exactly the same;
A world full of demon filled people
With eyes open
                                                               wide
Drawing beauty from shade.
Harri 3d
I’m slipping again.
I can hear them.
Whispered admonishments,
Echo in my head…
Louder and louder,
As I feel fuller and fuller,
All my spaces filled with shadows,
And the demons start to creep,
Clawing up my throat
And through the cuts in my skin.
I can’t control the chaos,
My hands are sliding on the reins,
I wish that I could ask for help,
But they won’t let me.

I don’t recognise the face I see,
Staring from the mirror,
It’s pale,
empty,
An ill-formed shell,
A weak and cracked container
For this maelstrom,
My hell.

They’re scratching at my skin again,
Make it stop, make it stop.
My bones are breaking through again,
Make it stop.
Harri 3d
Smile.
“I’m fine.”
Smile.
“Just tired.”
Smile.
“oh, sorry, I’ve been busy.”
Smile.
Smile.
Smile.

It’s funny,
isn’t it?
How hard it is to tell the difference
between a smile

and a grimace.

It’s funny,
isn’t it?
How people are so willing
to swallow a lie,
If it’s what they want to hear,

And you’re baring your teeth.
health, vigor, and strength

youthful faces everywhere—

lone, withered oak tree
For every mind that's set ablaze
Every hurt beyond expression.

For every Treasure lost to madness,
Every piercing, crippling doubt.

For every priceless Soul,
Who's lost all hope.

Fight like hell, you are beautiful.
#MentalHealthAwarenessDay2018
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