I flip through the pages of old school notebooks
Just to see what can be saved
Memories come flooding back
From my last taste of normal teenage life
Quizzes, vocabulary, homework
The work becomes more and more scarce as I move through time
Until I run out of pages
An empty entry for February 14
And no new entries after that
I long for the normalcy again
When I had the strength for everyday life
I never thought I’d miss the real high school experience
But looking back
Something in me feels incomplete
Just like that empty entry
February 14
February 14th was unexpectedly my last day of public school due to my health conditions. It’s weirdly sentimental to look back and see my public school life slowly come to an end as I missed more and more school. Since when do I type with proper grammar in the notes section of my poems? Here’s a key smash to make this more like me dhdhsjsj
Let me take you through the life of someone you always question,
If only you knew that he was suffering from high-functioning depression;

He knows it when you call him behind his back cynical,
If only you knew that his depressed mood was clinical;

When he declines your invitations, you call him asocial as fuck,
If only you knew that he feels no pleasure because he is stuck;

When you look at his lifeless eyes crying for help in stillness,
If only you knew that the fatigue was a symptom of his illness;

You laugh at him and always call him lazy, or lacking the drive,
If only you knew that he tries to summon the energy to survive;

When he goes around laughing making jokes about himself,
If only you knew his worthlessness is trying to lower his self;

No, he doesn’t roll up into a ball, laying for days on his bed,
If only you knew that thoughts of death still riddle his head;

After a few years like this you get used to living with this condition,
If only you knew that irrational guilt still haunts him like an apparition;

Since he is functioning you won’t look into your DSM to diagnose,
“Oh, he is just a little sad, it’s fine!”, but then again, who knows?
Yes it exists. When you have depressed mood for years, eventually you get up at start functioning, sure that might be a bit lower than your actual potential, but that is the illness not you! So next time you see someone who might be going through this, instead of dismissing their experience, maybe just wave and say hi. :)
I can feel myself healing
like a flower growing out of concrete
df 3d
inexplicable sadness is addicting.
i crave to feel everything all at once,
and then nothing.

Cloud 4d
"Hey, I heard about your dad, hope everything is ok?"
It's not ok.
Of course it's not ok.
Nothing is ok.
My dad is lying in isolation in intensive care.
Although he doesn't look like my dad anymore.
He's so ill, even my uncle who's a doctor is crying.
I'm scared for him.
I miss him.
Even when he awake he's not really there because he's so confused.
I miss my dad.
I want him back.
He's not ok.
I have to get my work done otherwise I'll fail my course.
But I can't do it.
I can't say this to anyone.
I just can't open up because I'm scared I'll be seen differently.
That's not ok.
Everything is out of control.
That's not ok.
So I'm controlling my food and my weight.
But it's so stressful.
I want everything to stop.
I want everything to be ok.
"Yeh it's all good thanks, how are you?"
I thought I was dying
Crumbling of leaves
Beneath swollen knees
Respite from
Can you call it mind altering
Succumbed by disease
I devoured
Aspects, hints of true
Licking fingers
Until they were cold and blue
Full, chronological breaths
Then the infite thawing
I’d echo words spoken
Between eroding teal beams
The repition
Slight hints at recognition

I thought I was dying
Forest turned
Ash soaked air
Would have taken anyone
Yet you stood there
Clara O 5d
a glance of myself in the mirror at 4 am
just my reflected image and I
we share a look of perplexity
then we go our separate ways
continuing into the night
and eventually
witnessing the glaring dawn
it's merely a routine.
sometimes you have to say goodbye to be completely gone
and once those words leave your mouth
you will be free
you will be free
you will be free

you will soar over mountain tops
and look down from the crest of the horizon

say goodbye
and be free
I've always had trouble expressing my emotions
Constantly shoveling coal into a fire that needs to be tamed
Leaving me mentally deflated
But also ready to expload
My nails dug up skin
Scratch marks in moments with a lack of thought
Burning Running down my finger tips
Where i make connection with a pen
The ink finds words I can't quite form, even though the deliverence isn't always what I pictured
Its the sweetest release I'll receive
Rayven Rae Aug 13
i hate the feeling
electricity zapping
panic rising up

elephant sitting
when you have to breathe to live
but breathing kills you

frantic brightness fills
my eyes become not my own
this rollercoaster

the ride is rising
imminent crescendo comes
makes my brain explode

frantic morphs into
the manic part takes over
breath is optional

heart racing pumps blood
this is my brain not on drugs
fuck this high on life

is this how he felt?
fragmented thoughts shooting pain
in constant motion

he was bi-polar
only 26-years-old
manic made him shoot

powder burns gaping
bullet isn’t only a word
it’s self-inflicted

is this how he felt?
ghosts collide with memories
make sense make sense again

is this how he felt?
i can’t get out of my head
south polar-trapped north

reality shifts
welcome to my Upside-Down
make this go away

perspective shifted
shattered doesn’t begin to
put name to sorrow

i miss him so much
every breath i take is laced
knowledge of absence

i welcome the pain
i feel him trapped inside me
can i do this life?

my world has shattered
i will never be the same
fuck this time and place
Next page