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It's the emptiness that's eating you inside
Keeping you awake
Staring at the dark

Looking back,
You're stuck here again'
In this blackhole that never ends

Nothing's getting better
Are we stuck here forever?
rig 1d
close your eyes
(i close mine)
shut them tight –
               what you see
               is one light
               i want us in:

these hands (my hands)
                                        are yours.
these arms (my arms)
                                        are yours.

lay your head
on this chest (my chest)
and feel.
               your song.
                                             this heart.
(my heart)
– that’s you.

these lips (my lips)
on your cheek
               are yours.
this voice (my voice)
and these words (my words)
in your ear
               are yours –
                              for you only.

               a butterfly hurricane within…
               a clock forever broken just right…
               all the stars only an arm’s length away…
– that’s you:

               my nightlight.

(you can open your eyes now)
Growing pains…not the ones that hurt because you grew 3 cm tall and everyone at thanksgiving noticed. No, the ones that hurt because your nephew is 17 now and “the system” no longer see him as a kid but as a ****, a beast old enough to take bullets from the back but can’t envision him as the next Obama or the next Mansa Musa. Can’t seem to accept my blackness, **** they barely accept the jews. Growing pains…not the ones that got my hips spreading and my ******* developing. No, the ones that allow you to be thankful somehow, that your daddy was a rolling stone and taught you the ways of the play book, so you could be ready to read through any ******* men feed you. Like, “I know you scared but don’t be baby cause I got something to ease you.” Ruining your fairytale of loyalty, fidelity and men. Growing up to only find out you have daddy issues.
Growing pains, when you realize your narrow-minded perspective as a child gave you false hope as an adult. Thinking I wanted to be like my parents when I grow up. I just had an epiphany, I’m just like them, and that’s what ****** up. Living to metamorphosize into a greater being not just to break this generational curse but to live up to my expectations rather than finding out what’s worse.
Growing pains, digging up the emotional trauma. Discovering my triggers and healing from the past that no longer serves me. Having to navigate my own way to the destination. So, you birthed me, gave me beatings, personally prepped my platter of mental disarray. But I don’t blame you, mama. I forgive you…because you only taught me what you knew. And you taught me what not to be and from that I only grew like a mushroom that flourishes even through **** and still possess a magical hue.
Growing pains, realizing the elephant in the room was louder than any silence I have ever heard. For years, accepting everyone’s lies that turned into words that turned into truth that turned into hurt. Shaping me, molding me like clay, into a prisoner of their society. A prisoner who had to break free. A prisoner held captive for wanting to be an individual. What some would consider a pariah but really just a lost soul looking for a reason to breathe. Making use of this breathing container encapsulating the forsaken child within. Hidden in brown skin. Waiting to feel the liberation.
Never thought a therapist would be an essential part of my living. Never thought in a stranger I would ever find healing. Never expected my mental to be depressed or my feelings to be addressed, I’m just holding on to what’s left like a hoarder I’m obsessed but living that life I won’t progress so here it is…. I…. confess.
Man 5d
writing in fugue states
distress, take me
and give me dizziness
only to see black
what mistake
made me so
today, was too late
that i should have notice before

the body falters
Some of our neighbours just have dazzling souls,
Having conversations with them, really being able to see them, feels like reaching goals.

Funny enough, some of them act as if their souls are controlled by trolls, when looking it's like their eyes poke holes,
And trying to have a conversation feels like walking upon burning hot coals.

No, I don't seek your pity nor your utmost greedy cheque,
But you have to know, my feet are burned black,
Knowing even wolves live in a caring pack.
From ashes to ashes, we're all really in need of a reality check.

We live in a time where we base the beauty of a rose on erred norms,
Defected by society, making sure every'body preforms,
Do they even care about newborns - getting pricked by society's thorns?
Not the right time yet? To blast those horns.

You tend to look at a person's skincolor,
As if you have a special scale, keep the change - I don't want a dollar.
Acting like you instantly know; that black man - not a chance of becoming a scholar.
For real, your fading colors couldn't get any duller.

A time where it is believed decent,
For your mom fighting - to finally earn daddy's half a cent.
This all smells terrible, we're clearly in need to vent,
But you just keep on going, spreading this toxic scent.

And why on earth are you declaring war against this 'cloth' upon my head?
Let me tell you; the negative you've misread.
Why didn't you ask me about these woven threads instead?
Cause trust me, the story I'm proudly wearing is something you eagerly want to embed.
My skin is brown
like the Earth way down,
my veins as long as roots.

My hair is twisted
like wandering vines
My god, I am Nature too.

My tears are waves
like ocean spray,
my eyes carry the tide like moons.

My legs are wings
that carry me
like Eagles, I am Nature too.

My whisper is like the wind,
my heart beats like rivers do.
I am Black. I am proud.

But my god, I am Nature too.
My black body unhinged at the seams
half of me laid out over concrete puddles

My Achilles heel set out on an adventure, which can
lead to my permanent downfall

My shoes are gold mines in retrograde trying to walk to the
rhythm of an out of tune heartbeat

Most black bodies are new born poems, they need a strong
foundation and constant work so the writer can have a leg to stand on
A few may know it
There's a concept
Of White hole
Opposite of Black hole
A consequence
Of general relativity
A hypothetical region of space
Unlike a Black hole
Doesn't allow anything
Enter it
Gives away
Energy and matter
May be bountiful
Hands of God
Time may tell
Of course
Like Black holes
In reality emerged
They usurp and usurp
Everything they usurp
And White holes
If reality
Light and energy
They disburse
Inquisitive minds
Explore further
I am no expert!
Nikki Feb 20
I was a menace
out in the dark, out in the rain, out with the black candy canes

I was a taunter
hidden behind my laughter, my wounds, my obscene gestures ... oh no, were they too cruel?

One look is all it took,
to strike a match with your eyes
inflamed memories through burnt fingertips
deceased flashbacks floating down to the bottom of the river
I galavant thru alleyways with gloved hands
purely my gaze should make you shiver

this life form has left me half torn
laying underneath the stars right next to the gutter
more noble gentlemen have risked their romances for your my dear

what would you take me for?
I ride the dead night upon my black horse in circles
among the empty hills and through the startled trees
enveloping and twisting before the moon herself
carefully eying those who've permanently plagued me
beheading several in rows like collapsed flowers on a grave


Don't stay out too long
I'd run if I were you
it's getting a little too late.
Ani Feb 19
I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on

Why is it so hard to accept?
So hard to be?
So hard to live?

Why are you faded away with everything arround me?

My mind can’t keep up.
Everything is moving so slowly but so quickly.

Trying and trying.
I can’t keep trying.

Trying to find a solution but nothing is there.

What do I do?
How am I supposed to move on
when I can’t even live ?
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