Just a drop
A little hint
A moment to flee these things
Colliding in my mind
Leaving nothing untouched
Just a second
Just a time
For one such as I
To come clean
Then all that hear
And just love
Despite ones failure
Despite ones mistakes
Despite ones awful thoughts
Beyond what can be placed into words
One slip up
But there are one too many
Overtaking the brain
Spewing rage from each
Onto the cause
Making all worse
Slowly killing one
Until it is no more.
- Jay M
October 8th, 2019
in midnight ink
flowers in her hair
stars dripping down her cheeks
she wanted to say
"i love you"
she wanted to say
"i can fix this"
she wanted to say
and she wrote it
on the page
Oh falling star
How you fall without me
A perfect world among the many
Yet I still take you for granted
If tomorrow never rises
And we spin out of control
It’s all my fault,
For never understanding
The complex schemes
That complete your world
I live among my flaws
Won’t allow such luxury to love myself
Better you than me
To be consumed by this fallacy
I won’t allow the cracks on my walls
To show the mess behind me
But you can’t lay your righteousness
When I fall apart
When you hide behind your walls
Just like me
But nevermind the past
Just focus on the future,
Just focus on the now
Because the day we forgive ourselves
Is the day that we defy gravity
And all the anomalies within our world
Will make sense
Its because of who you are
Nor because the choice heart
Its not because of what you have done
Nor the actions you've chosen
Its because of who you are to me
And it makes my memory decease
Its because of the emotions I contain
That creates this heart to go insane
I would be close if health allowed
But for now... I must stand down...
I have a medical condition called syncope.
This is when my heart creates irregular heart beat patterns due to lack of oxygen, low blood sugar, and fast heart beating
When this happens... blood drains from the brain, causing a black out moment, and fainting spell, or a confusion memory moment for a few seconds up to a mintue.
Stress, Anxiety, Dehydration, Tiredness, and physical and emotional exhaustion can cause this...
If there is something (or someone) that cause my heart to do irregular patterns... i have been told to stay away until im properly medicated... or it can get worse
So forgive me for staying away... But my heart races out of fear and happiness and i dont want to have a black out or memory moment sorry...
Im tired of looking and feeling so pathetic...
yes, I believe that forgiveness should be given freely
the shedding of unnecessary hatred and the burdens that were never yours to carry
but don't allow the kindness within you to be exploited
you are gentle but you are not feeble
you have full permission to claim your boundaries
to take back your space as your own
disentangle your thinking that loving what hurts you is anything more than self-hatred
It looks like adversity has gotten the better of me.
I’m bruised, exhausted but I can hardly sleep.
The sun is unforgiving as it steals my shade.
Now I’m vulnerable right in front of your face.
My heart is always racing whenever I’m day dreaming.
My mind often floats away to another place.
I can’t seem to forgive you, I can’t seem to forget,
but I’ve been chasing your apologies alongside all my regrets.
It’s what makes me human when I’m running from your threats,
but your stare is so forgiving, your gaze floods my heart.
I’m lost in a trance that sets the world apart.
Trapped in my everlasting reality, but I found my way back.
Except, I forgot who I was on this endless rigid track.
I had it all wrong, now I’m the one to forgive.
I like to make myself the victim of your mindless tricks,
but dear time, you’re only playing your perfect role
Because it’s my fault,
I’m the one that forgot how to forgive my soul.
Letter #6 out of 26 letters to time
How do you forgive yourself
For all the things
You never became?
My head laying on his shoulder
Still can't read his mind
Records of us on repeat
Which can't be deleted with time
Broken walls all around
We are turning lazy to be found
The darkest clouds between us
Covering the mist in our eyes
We have broken each other
We are cupid
We want each other
over my waist stillness softens stares
much like in the thicket of an unkempt trail
he covers what he can and leaves
such a diligence departing death
before planting himself so deeply in my roots rupturing
various vines over walls to sway serenading
interior articulations hushing hollow hips
him sinking beneath my weight willingly
we intertwine beneath his ceiling fan
a canopy masking moonlight molding
our framework born beneath bedsheets
bashful in silence an appreciation arises amid
my dull heartbeat haunting how I turn
down the path where we wander
aimlessly away from my boundaries breaking
backbones for confirmation concealing inconspicuous
ivy inadvertently returning to shade solemn secrets
hidden beneath my kneecaps knowing knots
will return in the tree trunks towering
poison slobbering over your fingertip torrent
tracing rivulets from my hipbones hoping
home won't be too far down the river remade reminiscing
over my delicate bones beneath bellows
of his overpowering existence endlessly embedding
himself in a body that is made more
mine than anybody anticipates after
seeing me naked near noon
because staying still settles
a reckless act with a man
who clarifies character concluding
dismissal of his own
while i am patiently protesting parameters
to keep my heart safe so someone
doesn't come along to grieve grounds
gracefully forgiven for my mistaken mayhem
left behind by bare
hands and apprehensive apologies
Someone did you wrong,
like the lyrics to a country song.
Someone hardened your heart,
broken inside and torn apart.
Someone betrayed your trust,
what you thought was love to him was lust.
Someone stole your pureness,
leaving you feeling alone and powerless.
To get your power back,
allow your heart to get back on track.
Don't wait for the apology he won't give,
liberate yourself by learning to forgive.
I am forever thankful and blessed to have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful children. Thank you to my family and friends. Special shout out to Todd (Happy B-day Bro), Christian, Sheela and Courtney. Thank all of you for your love and support. All glory to God.