This society is killing me
Them and I we speak
Different languages that keep
Me locked inside the cellar of my brain

I try to scream
With my fists I beat
The walls until my knuckles bleed
But no one hears as I go insane

These earthquakes yield fires
Whose smoke chokes me while
The flames chase me to a cliff
And I must make the choice:
To burn to ashes or to end it

These words I sprawl on paper are written in invisible ink
There is no escape
From this massive snake
That coils around my spirit

These chains bind my body to artificial walls
I seem no more than a doll
Devoid of true thought
Unable to reach anything I've ever sought

This society is killing me
I cannot even speak-
The language of my heart is foreign to all but me
And we all know solitude does horrific things when one is truly lonely

momentary feelings of contentment
appear in the solace of substance abuse
my personal pockets of happiness
presenting itself in seductive caramel pills

family tradition collapsed in my bottomless glass
thick fluid dancing amongst cubes of comfort
sacrificing sanity for seconds of clarity forgotten
four minutes of freedom from my insecure narration

i awaken to mistake stained sheets mangled violently beneath me
but this alien form I present in doesn't communicate my thoughts
for my aching fleshy cage is not made of meat nor cartilage
skin of sin engulf my devious bones pulse ticking like a time bomb

I still feel the grime stuck beneath my fingernails
I claw and scrape but the sludge takes permanent residence
the harmfully minuscule reminder of failure pushes me off the edge
falling forever but never reaching my deserved demise

stuck in limbo I'm trapped in a bleaker version of purgatory
last nights choices weigh painfully on my intestines
boulders of regret forcing my anxious form to fasten in its decent
but the comforting splat never reaches my deformed ears

it is here in the free fall I carry out my personal catastrophe
shirt ***** stained as my permanent plummet sickens me
years of sinking pass as i endure my eternal punishment
my immortal agony mutates into a sadistic contentment

a sheen of sweat sticks regularly to my aching soul
a permanent hangover and a never-ending come down
i find more than peace in this cataclysm
amidst my deserved torture pain melts into a masochistic enjoyment

Now I'm absolutely mad
flesh falling away from my body
the only tissue that remains holds my grin firmly in place
Happy as sin

my place is here
there
almost everywhere
i hide inside deep
deep
down
inside out, outside in
again, again
nature's touch keeps me
true
insane
insane twisted feelings
am i sane?
teeter totter
up then down
alice in wonderland

he wants to be a run away
who? what do you mean “who”?
you know him
the distant blonde kid who sleeps through half his classes
yes, the artist
i heard he’s depressed
i saw him crying to his brother the other day
did you know he plays cello?
he ***** at it but it probably makes him happy
some girl told me he paints
his friend asked him what was wrong, i guess he’s heartbroken
no i don’t know his name
everybody calls him something different anyway
he has a rebel spirit
if he was less loud and more attractive
everyone would be in love with him
he’s the kind of kid that would go missing
and no one would know
he’s probably a vandal
or a ****, i was told he’s from a bad neighborhood
what if he really runs away
i mean im not his friend but he could be cool
maybe we should talk to him
yeah i wonder what he writes about too
no i don’t think he’s crazy
but he is a punk
he’s a troublemaker
his name is cupid and he will be a run away

I don't turn my back, I stare them in the face.
They.
Like a shadow follows its host in the spotlight of the moon in the most quiet time of night.
Shadows.
Following, lurking, staring. They, the infamous they.
There is no name, there are no words known to me to tell you what they are. What they do. How they taunt me.
They stand near me, whispering, screaming, begging me to come.
I cannot run or hide for they are with me wherever I go.
In my happiness they laugh, knowing they'll tear me down, knowing it won't last.
They scream for help as if I am their savior. It makes me want to go to them, hold them like a child covered in darkness, but their blood covers me, it blinds me. Are they real?
Why do they need me? I ask why? Why did they choose me?
How can I possible join them? Can I? should I try? If I do does that make my heart dark too?
I am afraid to go to them, but they call me. They stay with me.
All my joys tainted by their shadows.
Are they a part of me? How do I cut them out of my head, out of my heart? I can't breathe, at least I don't think I can, yet I am here with air in my lungs. How do I make it stop?
How do I cut them out of myself, stop the whispers, the screams, the begging, the darkness? How do I tell someone? How do I explain this without getting put away?