you love me unconditionally
taught me the world is more than what we show to the ones we want to love us
I wont waste my energy trying to change your mind
or remind you that i am your universe
because that would be selfish
you are a brick wall
i can write on you and tell you what i need
but you'll never be there when i'm drowning beneath the breakers
you will stand there acting strong and tough
but you wont do a thing in the world about it
not even protect me
What I want
To feel happy again
I don't get what I need
Things I harbor hold me back
Beneath skin are wounds that bleed
If I could only let go of this baggage.. then maybe I could be free, and light enough to fly.
In the clearing
where lambs graze
our daughters also
walk at their leisure
there are no fences here
the shepherds allegedly
keep watch in the darkest of hours
but when steps from
an intersecting path
lunge forth as
the unsuspecting wolf
a twisted creature
upon our precious girls
these herdsmen are
certifiably blind and mute
striking the air
listen closely now
to the gathering winds
their transformation is actually
echoes of our own children's
For Lauren McCluskey
Lauren Jennifer McCluskey, 21 years old, a beautiful young woman in all respects, was murdered on the University of Utah campus on October 22, 2018. The Lauren McCluskey Foundation was established to ensure that her light will continue to shine. The Lauren McCluskey Foundation honors Lauren’s legacy by supporting charitable work in the following areas:
Campus safety. Funding for research and education programs to keep our daughters safe.
Amateur athletics. Financial assistance for student and youth Track & Field athletes.
Animal welfare. Building on the success of Lauren McCluskey’s Cat Wing, support for animal shelters and other programs.
There are too many times when i feel so alone,
when i can't wait to close my eyes
but there are nights right now where i fear for my life
as i remember all that has happened.
So as days turn to nights and i watch the sunrise.
I can't help but wish i wasn't alive!
So tonight when i close my eyes
I'll beg for the nightmares to stay at bay,
but the nightmares they're always my memories,
of his hands all over me till I can't breathe.
I wake up in tears, wishing that this would all go away!
I remember the times that this happened,
wishing everything would just end.
I thought i was supposed to feel safe in myself,
but now i feel like i can't trust a soul.
Why is it men feel like they can have everything they want?
Now i'm left here so broken, afraid i can never move on.
We rally for ‘safe spaces’,
And I say I want to ‘enable’ them.
But my own mind doesn’t feel so,
And yet I want to make spaces safe.
My thoughts are unsettling,
And they can un-safe your space
But I demand ‘safety’ for Others
As I forget my agency,
And practice it for Them.
As a person working on social development, I realize that I often need gentle reminders for myself- to practice my own voice and agency before I do it for the so-called 'disadvantaged Other'.
When we split paths,
I cried myself to sleep every night
I felt unsafe everywhere I went,
I just forgot
I've forgotten about you
I've liked people since
But then today,
I saw you,
And I remembered you
I'm already in a difficult position in my life right now
I like two people at once
Seeing you just reminds me
Of all the memories
Good and Bad
I hate to say it, but I wish I didn't see you,
You didn't even talk to me anyway,
Why am I feeling this way?
You just randomly ignored me,
I thought I did something wrong,
But people have told me it's not my fault,
I still don't believe it
Can you just tell me why you did it?
What did I do wrong?
Why did you hurt me?
i ate a plum today
the deep purple hue
and melting red juice
dribbled over my chin
it wasnt quite ripe
and this is how my poem begins
you arent really my type
standing all akin
mind all a luce
but im drawn to you
what might the knights forsay?
when they see me run
into your arms
might their ears shriek in alarm?
i ate a plum yesterday
might it have been ripe this day?
leaving my mouth dry and bitter
i would like another bite
my poem is not over
men do not think me polite
i cause their knees to jitter
and this is what the knights forsay
when i ran to your arms that day
"he is a reminder, that looks deceive, a ripe plum is not ripe at all, the act is clear, shouldnt the juice be sweet? shouldnt the corners of your mouth lay sticky? you are instead left bitter, running to an unsavory fruit that longs for your tongue. you do not eat unripe fruit, you throw it aside. this fruit will quake and die quietly where you have left it... do not be a fruit fly, they crave lifeless desperate sweets."
how might you interpret such a poem?
When you said,
"Your secret is safe",
is how I felt.
The art of spotting a liar is cultivated through severe emotional stress that stems from betrayal by people who you think are close to you.
Like a plot twist of a cheap thriller, liars stand out by the setting of their premise.
Well, I'm a liar as well. Born out of the need to keep the liars happy.
I looked at my cousins profile today
It was full of happy birthday
Prayers and wishes
Greatness and I love you’s
I miss you’s and please come home
But I can’t help but scream
And cry and pray that he never sees the light of day.
That he rots away behind the only bars that are keeping me safe.
I pray his sentence was life,
But the justice system doesn’t care.
They don’t care my will was pinned down
My voice was kept silent
And a magical experience ripped away.
I looked at his sons profile today.
Drawing and anime all the way.
Updated pictures free will to walk.
Free will to go harm another person who’s lost.
No punishment granted.
And smiles he may
Stealing the smiles he wiped from my face.
He plays little games with cards always winning never losing just like how he won that day.
His Facebook reveals all
No regret in his eyes.
No apologies given
So here I lye
I looked at my rapists profiles today
And the the justice system failing
To keep me safe.
For 4 years I was rapped by my cousin and his son. I never spoke up because I felt like my voice was locked. In a box unsafe to say till one day about a year after it was over I got a knock on my door 2 detectives ask me and I choked but I spoke up. Apparently they ***** his daughter too. The father got 10 years 5 on good time. And the son got off free. Everyday my senior year I saw the son in my gym class and there was nothing I could do. Today is 3 years that the detectives knocked on my door. 3 years ago I thought my voice was saved.
You’re there for me,
Until I actually need you.
Then I’m an inconvenience,
You get so angry,
You get so short, shove it in my face and hate everything about it.
Is this what love is?
Is this what needing you is?
If so I never want to need you again.