don't you understand?
I am happy.
but your happiness
tastes like friendship and laughter,
and my happiness
tastes like antidepressants.
A love that is pure
Is the only thing that can lure,
And cure a broken heart,
That’s for sure.
We old-timers fondly teach
That Medicine is not at all terse,
Alas, today's students reach
For technology and computers !
Clinical skills are of the mind
And can be learned with an intellect
But Empathy is of the heart
Gifted by role models, not texts !
To be able to almost feel another's
Suffering as one's own
Is not easy
To inculcate ; yet many studies have
Shown that the ability to be kind
Can indeed happen ere it's too late !
You never forget the first time you scare a child with your white coat.
You never forget the first time you elicit CVA tenderness unexpectedly.
You never forget the first time you meet someone with ***.
You never forget the first time you have a trauma call for a motor vehicle accident or a gunshot wound.
You never forget the first time you comfort a patient who is crying because they don’t want to be in the hospital.
You never forget the first time you witness a patient and her family hear the words “You have cancer”.
You never forget the first baby you help deliver (you also never forget the mom).
You never forget the first time a patient admits they’ve attempted suicide in the past.
You never forget your first patient.
Being a medical student is a humbling experience.
I hope I never forget that either.
To peel off your soft skin, mold it
into armor, let the blood gush out
until it fills your cup, and you gulp it in
as medicine; to pluck out your silenced
tongue, watch it slither across blank
pages, as it paints them scarlet-sweet
like your heart; to **** the trauma, bury it
under words, but make it immortal
on the same paper.
When the rhymes start poppin'
and the beats start flowin'
it's probably a sign that
it's time to get going
and maybe just maybe even
((( CAUSE A COMMOTION )))
Now is the time
where the hero-self
starts bubbling up
its a time to start stepping
stepping into the presence
stepping out of the prison and
Cause it be all effervescing like:
pop, pop, pop
then I turn around to have a see
and as I am looking up and down
at the old me, well I gotta confess
I don't like what I used to be
while at the same time
I've got to admit
I love that man-boy too
cause he was me and he was you
You see, I was an egocentric
and a pretender
who was never ever ever gonna be a contender
when I realize that if I linger to long
it's my past that pulls me out of song
and I refuse to be losing ******
so let's turn back to front and centre
leg go and
just trust, trust, trust
I am getting wide awake on these energies
gonna ride these waves if you please
unless my trust is misplaced in
I figure it's time
that I unsettle my debts
from my colonization, my plebiation,
and my consternation.
The only way out seemed to be within.
Cause what's wrong with the world might be what is
So unfurled my flag
let the mystery free
raised my fist and shouted
Pleiades, Pleiades, let me hear you sing
It's time for us Man
lets bring down that sweet thing
I can't put my finger on what happened next
We've all been waiting for that
lighthouse bringer, that aetheric singer,
someone who was willing to point that finger
I just didn't think it was going to be a ginger.
Then I fell asleep and when I awoke
who was I but a medicine keeper
If I ever learned nothing from Pablo Piccaso
is that it ain't no fun living like a big *******
Just funnin' Pablo, don't take no offence
I love it how you went swinging for fence
every time you woke up
to live in the moment
but it's what you saw and
how you saw it that makes me feel
- raw, raw, raw -
As I tried to deconstruct your craft
it deconstructed me and
the only way out of the enigma
was to twist myself up into a new reality
So there I was sitting
my flag unfurled
in my missed fortune
A look in the mirror revealed a fractured self
a person separated from his wealth
so I said **** this and went looking for health.
Written August 2019
Administer the scimitar serum.
Stray, gleam, candied eyes.
Stay, morbid stars,
Sermon on the shoe horn
The 10, Ja commandant
Glacial looking glass,
I love what you’ve done with the place.
In life I have found that
Whiskey sours and old fashioneds
Will always be my greatest vice
As well as my closest confidant
The glass hits my lips
And within the next ten minutes
I am no longer compelled
To pick my cuticles
I no longer feel the wrath
Of anxiety’s unseen brush burn
Or depression’s mighty choke hold
For once, I can breathe easy
Every fleeting thought of total apprehension
Is replaced by feelings of contentment and bliss
But soon, my eyes become glassy
While my body grows weary
And I descend into a deep slumber
Slowly sinking into the barstool
With my head on the counter
In a blue collar town
Lights haven’t looked like this
Since I was in my teens
Messing around with my hood rat friends
*** and amphetamines
I took a handful of Blue Dolphins
That were thirteen bucks a pop
If we bought ‘em in bulk, I guess
As we did more often than not
Or maybe a few of the triple stacks
Red something-or-others, I think
They didn’t work on me this time around
‘Cause I threw ‘em up in the sink
Now I am in my thirties
And my scripts **** with my brain
I know I am speeding my ***** off
But at least I feel like old times again
Drugs are bad, m’kay? The best explanation for what they do is that drugs aren’t “bad,” they’re awesome. They’re so awesome that they become all you want to do, and you’ll then do anything to obtain them. You’ll sell your belongings, your body, everything, because you want to feel good again. It isn’t the drugs themselves; it’s what they do to you and make you do for them.
taste your own medicine;
feel it trickle down your throat
and burn like molten lava
let it consume you
as it consumed me.
Revenge is served best in a pill bottle.