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Nov 2020 · 249
A M Ryder Nov 2020
Seems unreal
And abstract
A string of zeros
That exists in some
Strange place of its own
Nov 2020 · 378
A M Ryder Nov 2020
It's a big word for me
I feel it everywhere
Almost home
Almost happy
Almost changed
Almost, but not quite
Not yet
Soon, maybe
Oct 2020 · 390
A Cure
A M Ryder Oct 2020
You drink
You drive
And ruthlessly try
To have a good time

Down slicken oil streets
Pavement like a pistol
To my temple, meets

The cure to my cancer
And the answer
To my every problem
Jun 2020 · 188
So Beautiful
A M Ryder Jun 2020
This is happening
I am here
I am looking at her
And she is so beautiful
May 2020 · 205
A M Ryder May 2020
His command of color
Most magnificent

He transformed the pain
Of his tormented life
Into ecstatic beauty

Pain is easy to portray
But to use your
Passion and pain
To portray the ecstasy and joy
And magnificence of our world

No one had ever done it before

Perhaps no one will again
A M Ryder Feb 2020
We fall into
Form fitting pieces
Of one another
Each other's own
Silent feeling

But it is all I want
To sleep still and
Dream unafraid
Aching deeply to
Drum thunder across
Vacant marble halls
Coalescing as the
Texture of the things
We all have
Trouble believing

Though it shows
Aimlessly we go
Out with lanterns
Looking for this thing
We call a soul
Jan 2020 · 217
A M Ryder Jan 2020
Do you think god
Hides in heaven
Because he too
Lives in fear
Of what he's created?
Jan 2020 · 265
Hard to Forget
A M Ryder Jan 2020
Love is never learned
Until it is lost
It's so hard
To forget pain
But it's even harder
To remember sweetness

We bear no scar
To show for happiness
We learn so little
From peace
Dec 2019 · 457
Too Late for Me?
A M Ryder Dec 2019
Do you think it's too late for me?
I mean, am I doomed to be
The person that I am?
It's not too late for me
Is it?

I need you to tell me
That it's not too late
I need you to tell me
That I'm a good person

I know I can be selfish
And narcissistic
And self destructive but
Deep down, underneath all of that
I'm a good person

And I just need you to tell me
That I'm good
Dec 2019 · 328
A M Ryder Dec 2019
The problem with being happy
Is a lot like the problem with pluto
It was a vague way of
Describing a complex thing

Our sense of happiness is so fragile
It can be destroyed by simply asking whether or not it exists
Instead I'm busy
I'm interested
I'm fascinated

I want to build things
And then break them

I want to be busy and beautiful
And brimming with
Ten thousand moving parts
I want to hurt
So that I can heal

And that's okay
Dec 2019 · 336
A Pale Blue Presence
A M Ryder Dec 2019
As our pale blue presence
Dizzily dances
In the same single sunbeam
Restless over how alone
We really are

So sing at the finish line
Sing that sweet swan song
Because all shall become nothing
And in the nothingness
We are lost

The totality of time
With every moment spent
But that was then
And now it's gone
Im not sure where it went
Dec 2019 · 183
Matches Ashes Acid
A M Ryder Dec 2019
Acid on my casket
Buried with the hatchet
Of my fight with this life
I knew I could never hack it
Dec 2019 · 253
Monster Heart
A M Ryder Dec 2019
Through the October night
Moonlight on metal
An evil companion to
My monster heart
And through the pain
I feel indifferent
I grapple with
The murdered words
I can never forget
Be the beauty you need
Unafraid of the half lit world
Dec 2019 · 347
Favorite End
A M Ryder Dec 2019
So another for the writer
Another bottle all by myself
To soak my soul
And drench any dream or hope
Of a happy life
I might have had left
Dec 2019 · 490
A M Ryder Dec 2019
There are two kinds of people
Sharks and

Sharks are winners
They never look back
Because they have no necks

Necks are for sheep
Oct 2019 · 275
Puer Caritate
A M Ryder Oct 2019
It's hard not to
Completely fall for someone
Whom, without effort
Brings out the absolute
Best in you

The most beautiful thing
About young love
Is the truth
In their hearts
That it will last forever
Oct 2019 · 406
A M Ryder Oct 2019
Just as perfect
As the music is painful
They took their time
Piece by piece
Placing every star
Casting out the constellations bright
And you alike
To the furthest reaches
But never too far
These perfect points set
So you never forget who you are
Oct 2019 · 749
A M Ryder Oct 2019
Evergreen, or nearly so
The last rays of light broke
Through little branches and
Whether we admit it or not
We put forth great effort
Just to conceal what's inside
Our own minds
Oct 2019 · 329
Colors to Me
A M Ryder Oct 2019
I'll write this in blue
Because it's how I feel
And I can't help it

I'll write this in green
But I don't know what it means
I don't go outside

I'll write this in red
For everything I hadn't said
They've never really left my head

I'll write this in black
To forget all that I lack
And who I could of been
Oct 2019 · 167
A M Ryder Oct 2019
We buried ours
And they buried theirs
Then it started all over again
Sep 2019 · 369
Mechanical Wings
A M Ryder Sep 2019
We flew aloft
On mechanical wings
And suddenly the heavens
Were within reach
To those who could
Build the machines
That could take them there
Sep 2019 · 1.1k
It's Hard to Say
A M Ryder Sep 2019
We are all alone
In ways no one understands
We drown under
The waves of words
We aren't saying
Sometimes I can feel my bones
Straining under the weight
Of all the lives
Im not living

All we've got is
This precious knowledge
Of our own
Self destruction
Aug 2019 · 3.6k
Forgive Yourself
A M Ryder Aug 2019
How do you forgive yourself
For all the things
You never became?
Aug 2019 · 826
The Arrow
A M Ryder Aug 2019
The arrow endures
The bow string's tension
So that in the release
It can become
More than itself
Aug 2019 · 222
A M Ryder Aug 2019
The kids are going to do
What they want to do
They may have just ruined their lives
On an impulse decision
Whose to say what works ?
You find somebody you like
And you roll the dice
That's all anybody can do
Aug 2019 · 222
A M Ryder Aug 2019
Let the thing
We mean to be
Know the thing
We feel we are

A bounce hustling and
Howling mysteriously
Through you

Getting older has never been
In my plans but it's never late
Enough for me to stay
Aug 2019 · 853
A M Ryder Aug 2019
Hours of childhood
Impatient, with nothing but
Playing by ourselves
Enchanted with
what alone endures

Between world and toy
A point which shows a child
Who they really are

Who sets in constellations
And puts distance
In his death
Aug 2019 · 474
Lost Sight of the Sun
A M Ryder Aug 2019
Sing the beloved
Young lover, from far away
Often, desire the night
It overtakes us
In an endless uproar
We soon lost sight of the sun
Listen as it makes itself hollow
Where are the years between
You and the surging abyss
Lay there relieved with the sweetness
Of a gentle world made for you
Dreaming, flushed with what fevers
Entangled in the tendrils
Of inner event
Aug 2019 · 169
A M Ryder Aug 2019
We are all *****
When life
Wants someone to ****
Jul 2019 · 281
A M Ryder Jul 2019
I'd set the world ablaze
Just to watch the flames
Dance in her eyes
Jun 2019 · 259
We always were
A M Ryder Jun 2019
We did something today
That everyone said was impossible
We fought and clawed our way
Out of the abyss and into the promise land

And we did it not because
We became Champions again
But because we remembered
We always were

Today represents the rebirth
We rose from the ashes
And sometimes you have to come
To the brink of destruction
Before redemption can be truly earned
Jun 2019 · 257
A M Ryder Jun 2019
Only mortals
Have told me

That it would ****
To live forever
Jun 2019 · 322
A M Ryder Jun 2019
You know, it's funny
We never anticipate the ways
We're gonna isolate ourselves
From the ones we care about
Jun 2019 · 312
A M Ryder Jun 2019
When all you have
Are memories

Who will
Remember you?
May 2019 · 344
Together Completely
A M Ryder May 2019
When you are together
Be together completely
Let them know
That they are loved
Until they begin to understand
What that actually feels like
And then keep on with it
Loyal by nature
Be rest assured
That they'll stick around
So let me scale your walls and
Be close enough to love you
And carefully search for
Signs of the surest routes
To your golden heart
Apr 2019 · 780
A M Ryder Apr 2019
Bagging groceries has given me
A strange window into people's lives

I stuff their secrets into a paper sack
And I tell them to have a good day

But I'm not sure they do
Apr 2019 · 344
Four Letter Way
A M Ryder Apr 2019
The endless stays
Amongst the trillion ways
We feel the light and song right now

How always I know
There is love out there
By far transcending the four letter way
We say forever to each other
Apr 2019 · 585
A M Ryder Apr 2019
In romantic relationships
You speak Latin
And your empire falls

In platonic relationships
You speak Greek
And think about caves
Feb 2019 · 1.1k
Shakespeare Never Could
A M Ryder Feb 2019
Wayward in the depths
Soon the shark shall strike frame
Only then will we understand
How the thunder and rain
Could explain love and pain
In ways Shakespeare never could

Hoping only that
In the eye of every beholder
Is an artist who draws
Gentler conclusions
Than the ones we have about ourselves
Feb 2019 · 1.3k
No Fear
A M Ryder Feb 2019
I am stone
I do not move

I take my time
I let him come closer

I have only a single bullet
I aim for his eye

I hold my breath
My finger presses on the trigger
I do not tremble

I have no fear
Feb 2019 · 961
It's ok
A M Ryder Feb 2019
You all have a little bit of
"I want to save the world", in you
I just want you to know
That it's okay if you only save one person
And it's okay if that person
Is you
Dec 2018 · 397
What is the Feeling?
A M Ryder Dec 2018
So if you really go the whole way and
See how you feel about the prospect of vanishing forever
If all your efforts and all your achievements and
All your attainments, turning into dust
Into nothingness..
What is the feeling?
What happens to you?
It's a curious thing
The most real state is the state of nothingness
That's what it's all going to come to
Dec 2018 · 3.1k
What Could?
A M Ryder Dec 2018
We aren't on the playground anymore
There are new rules
We have to be mature but
Mustn't lose the spirit of childlike wonder
What is love anyways?
Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules
Life is short
When two people find each other
What should stand in their way?
I think we love who we love and
There just isn't a **** thing that can be done about it
Dec 2018 · 265
Nothing More Difficult
A M Ryder Dec 2018
In all my life
I have never dealt with anything
More difficult than my own soul
So what if I told you
That I'm incapable of
Tolerating my own heart
Oct 2018 · 2.8k
A M Ryder Oct 2018
They say three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead

Secrets could be simple, if they weren't the type worth being spread

You can bury secrets, I'm sure you're shocked to hear it's true.

But dont dream you'll finish digging, until they first have buried you.
Sep 2018 · 333
A Storm and the Stars
A M Ryder Sep 2018
A storm and the stars
Everywhere it would echo the song
Of sheltering silence

The dream of what's ahead
The dawns, how they turn into days
Fate, the blissful chase

Enduring crosses completely
These extravagances of the heart
Even the nearest moment is far
Sep 2018 · 1.3k
Always Enough
A M Ryder Sep 2018
You, you are enough
And it may have been in
A billion little pieces but
I gave you the best of me

I won't glorify or romanticize heartache
For me it was a kind of death
A kind of death that
I was forced to keep living

What I should do is put it all behind me
I wont't say it but ill think it
Because it was a love story
And all you can do is tell it one more time

And even if it happened, it didn't happen
In the end, it's about love and memory
A M Ryder Sep 2018
Coke on my gums makes the whiskey go down like water
And so I feel nothing

I'll destroy myself alone so nothing can hold me back
So no one says "Enough."
I won't blame you for not saying something
I won't blame you for not "saving me"
How I can't be happy that you're happy

My ancestors are all angels up way too high and probably disappointed in what and who've I become
But still I don't care, they're all dead
Those lucky *****

Daylight breaks and the dawn has come
So I guess I've been up all night

These words are the very breath of my demons
And I haven't heard from an angel in ages
Through the eyes of the beast in me
I've become friends with the abyss
And it has politely invited me in

So another for the writer
Another bottle all by myself
To soak my soul
And drench any dream or hope of a happy life
I might have had left
Working piece that needs feedback, I found this in an old journal and I really see a gem in it.
Aug 2018 · 361
In Such Strange Ways
A M Ryder Aug 2018
In such strange ways I strangely cannot understand
The horror of it all is we stay attracted to everything that hurts
We cling to it and never really learn to let go
So perhaps we do want happiness
But we also desire to keep the pain close; close enough to destroy us
Close enough to define us
Close enough to make us all feel a little less cold
Aug 2018 · 292
The Blue Bird of Happiness
A M Ryder Aug 2018
Find the blue bird of happiness
Find it, and be cured
A simple task he says, one of three
I'm not sure what the next will be
But he'll tell me
He'll tell me..
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