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Jeremy Betts Jun 2024
Watch
Just watch
Patiently
You'll see
If you pay attention
Just listen
Listen closely
Don't just listen with your ears
That will only drum up fears
Something they conveniently forget to mention
Hoping no one learns their lesson
Raise your hand with an open
Minds eye when you ask your question
What you do
With the answer given
Is up to you
But there's no knowledge that should ever be forbidden

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 2024
Great, another succubus and what not
A sluut, a fuuck bot
Put enough coin in the slot
Allowed in on the spot
That's a *****, is it not?
Body count is the first and last Roman numeral on a clock
Multiplied by a lot plus one added in between every tick and tock

So yeah, no, I'm gonna boycott
I don't want to get got
Cause I'm sure the shiit that she's got
Ain't eradicated with a simple arm shot
In a way making sure she's never forgot
Don't want to always be middle of the list of who'***** it within earshot
Don't need some side thing messing up the main plot

It's sad but it happens a lot
It's either the wrong lid or the wrong ***

©2024
Jeremy Betts Aug 2024
When young
You think you'll never grow old
When old
You forget what it means to be young
And I?
I wonder aimlessly somewhere in the middle
Jeremy Betts Aug 2024
Look,
Maybe I'll pick my last breath
Maybe I won't
Maybe today I out maneuver death
Maybe I don't
Maybe true love will last past fresh
Maybe nope
Maybe I can have one problem less
Maybe with hope
There's far too much maybe
Life is difficult to promote

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jul 2024
There's a want to be wrong
Wanted for so long
So long it seems like a folk song
Rather than a foregone conclusion
Just another drawn in lexicon
A childish tantrum replayed like a sing-a-long
'Till the real "want" is gone
And I have to admit I have no idea what's goin' on

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 2024
A brain like mine, the brain of an addict, can justify anything
Drumming up excuses that defy reasoning
Connecting dots with miles of red string
Coming to conclusions that are baffling
"The problem was this here faulty Icarus wing"
"Setting me up for failure back when I was seventeen"
Not the fact of the constant nosediving
Bracing for impact, the anticipations paralyzing
It was easier to hide it in the begining
Can't hide it now, so let's call it ageing
The lack of a fatal crash is a bit puzzling
No complaining
It's just surprising
Kinda thought I'd be death defying
'Till I became stuck in the sky flying high,
Ignoring every warning
Didn't think it possible to hit the ground running
But now I'm panicking
I didn't plan for a second half, that fact is terrifying
Far scarier than any thought of dying
I wish I was lying

©2024
Jeremy Betts Aug 2024
High on hope
It's more dangerous than any drug
The natural euphoria
Still gets pulled out from under like a rug
Beware the come down
Depressions clutch can be disguised as a hug
Careful when digging for more
You might realize it's your own grave that you've just dug

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jul 2024
Love and hate
Neither pose a challenge to fate
What even is there to debate?
Prove one is far stronger than the other
Go ahead,
I'll wait right here

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 2024
Since a year and nine months before my first birthday I've been unwanted
The only way for me to not feel unwanted
Is to not be around for unwanted to be an option
Watch that be the day I am finally wanted
And they'll have the nerve to say, "this is not what we wanted."

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 2024
The remnants from every last past bunch
Of confrontation and confusion with such and such
Pile up till it becomes too much
I panic, then in a frantic desperation motion I reach out to clutch
At a drifting safety line I can no longer touch
In a rush I removed both legs to manufacturer a crutch
Sometimes it's hard to translate a hunch

©2024
Jeremy Betts Dec 2023
I think I'm startin' to get that feelin' again
That sinkin' sensation followed by intense anticipation of the end I feel I'm facin'
The hell my life is based in
Then I meet up with my fear of drownin'
Thoughts not safe havin' come crashin' in
Will I ever learn or is this far beyond teachin' a lesson
Up against my dark passenger, the undisputed, heavyweight champion
And the challenger, in the blue corner noticably panickin'
Just some guy with a crazy look in his eye but no business challengin' his demon
My Hyde side stays undefeated while I've never recorded a win
Bringin' my mental discipline into question
Knowin' my armor's thin
Knowin' I've already taken one to many to the chin
It's  constant whisperin' drowns out everythin'
Top tier manipulation allowin' the interjection of it's own spin
On this tailspin my doomed zeppelin always finds itself in
I feel like I should mention, it's not one, it's Legion
Not a friend, it laid claim and became kingpin
I could only watch like I was fifth in a five deep bullpen
No consent given, not even a conversation
Rushed past me like I was a doorman at a Motor Inn
And I stood there silent, broken, incapable of motion
Often thoughts and feelings are left unspoken
Paralyzed with fear, just standin' here like a dollar store mannikin
Behind a display of 151 and Heineken
Made it easy for it to find it's way up under my skin
I hardly even knew what was happenin'
Now I don't know where it ends and I begin
Not sure there's any separation

©2023
Jeremy Betts Apr 2024
My own Personal Playground of Persistent Pandemonium
Pisssing People off Passionately,
Playing more than just a Part in their Problem
Picking Particular Pieces to Pack this Prolific Poem
Pulling off a Perfectly Perceived Premise
Until your Placement becomes your Permissive Prison
Poetic justice, I've got a Poetic license,
Permitting Primitive Primate like Procedures
Possible only because Perplexed Principles Prematurely, albeit Permanently, Pick Pungent Practices
Primarily Planning Precarious Peril, Priming Painful Predicaments
Publishing Print on Paper
Pent-up Paranoia Pushing Profane Prophecies
Probably Protruding Past Popular Perception
Preventing Pint sized Pea brains from Polluting People who Ponder their Planetary Purpose instead of Perfection
Parallel Planes Pairing Probable Permissive Propaganda
Providing Precision on Par with Polaroid Picture Panorama
This Pricey Psyche showing Persistence Prevails
But can't Press Pause
So Please hear my Plea,
Pretty Please,
Permit me the Power to Permanently Purge the Piercing Pain
To Ponder no longer the Placated Pointlessness of the Puzzle and Put away Pandora's box
To Promptly Procure my Place beyond Purgatory
As Promised

©2024
https://youtu.be/geTPZRrIiKc?si=cf2HzFoGavV_Gp1m
Jeremy Betts May 2024
I'm a man of my word
Completely unreliable
You've probably heard
If you know me you'll know it's undeniable
I'm talking all of it, not a third
Like how Christians view the Bible
Even though they know it's absurd,
Otherwise they'd be way more scared
But with me it's actually believable,
You can see everything's unachievable

©2024
Jeremy Betts Sep 2024
Sometimes when lost in thought
It's a struggle to get back
Bearings don't exist in this mangled plot
Keep jumping off track
Connections gone, surely I've lost a dot
Probably more than that
I was taught too take your shot
I find myself on the attack
Not sure if it was the good fight I fought
Regardless,
I still fell through the crack
The one thing that was not taught
Is what you'll loose if and when you fall flat

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 2024
I hate me
You hate me
I hate the fact
That's the only
Place where we
Can find honesty

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2024
Behind the smoke and mirrors
Are discarded dreams and futures
Next to the buckets of collected tears
And sound proofing so no one hears
The pain and agony
The curses and profanity
As I try to beat the life out of me
Feeling my will fade gradually
Laughing like it's funny
And should the curtain fall
Exposing the brawl
Shining light on it all
Then I'll
Be forced to make the call
To build a wall
Four times as thick and twice as tall
To keep out all a y'all

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 2024
I am afraid of my rage
It's hard to gage
Even at this age
What will unlock the cage
Bringing the worst of me to the main stage
I am afraid

I am afraid of my depression
I've failed to get a grip on
This destructive emotion
An unmovable mountain
And the worst possible thing to become canon
I am afraid

I am afraid of my anxiety
Me against me
Me hating me personally
Confidence will atrophy
All I can do is hope no one can see
I am afraid

I am afraid of myself
I am afraid for myself
I am afraid I'm not good for my own health
I am afraid of me more than maybe anything else

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 2024
Sometimes it's as simple as squeezing one thought into one quotation
Sometimes it's too wordy to reach that satisfaction following an end
Sometimes it's simple but ya can't find the words while missing all the signs
Sometimes it's complicated but can be illustrated in just a few lines
Sometimes you can't figure out how to coax it out
Sometimes there's no stopping it from getting out and wandering about

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 2024
Like house siding I stack the facade till a barrier grows
It adds curb appeal and social value I suppose
But for me it's a false face to hide the lows
Getting me through this reality that blows
A life time of running into doors with a sign reading "sorry we're closed"
Hanging next to the mandatory posted notice of demolition proposed

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 2024
I'm no one of note
Just a mediocre bloke
Your run of the mill common folk,
Shiit kickin', suburban cowpoke
Someone not even I would pretend to promote
Dreamscapes often bleak and remote
You probably do what I don't,
Can do what I can't,
Will do what I won't
Sunk my personal rescue boat,
Fleeing the scene,
Trying to free myself from myself with little hope
Got caught up in a well known insecurity mote
The dangerous cesspool where the mindless float
Where I often mope
You might think that's the conclusion,
But nope
You'll know when
This story's about to end
At the first mention
Of the proper tension
For a danglin' hangin' rope

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2024
Can I tell you my dreams?
Will you stick around long enough to understand what each means?
Should I skip over the nightmare scenes
That flicker through like 8mm on pull down screens
While the essence meanders by like dust through projector beams
Two extremes
Two cerebral regimes
Strange themes
Nothing's as it seems
Importance only found beyond the streams of screams
No, I don't think I will mention my dreams

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 2024
Depths of despair
Hang thick in the air
Almost daring me to care
And step into it's crosshair
Not realizing I'm aware
I've lived that nightmare
Been caught up in that snare
Somehow pushed past the warfare
Came through worse for wear
But it no longer has power
Over someone who can't care
Forcing it to find it's next victim elsewhere

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2024
Awful is
The particular sound my tears make when they hit the ground
You'd think maybe they'd be entertaining, coming from a clown
But misery echos a history and the volume can not be found
Any smile is a complex frown I've simply practiced upside down

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 2023
It's far easier to hate than forgive, can't give myself a break when the case study's retrospective
I hate that it's easier to die than to live, pull up just shy and see it all fall in and out of perspective
To be here, right here, year after year is the objective but the inner chatter from my dark passenger is persuasive
Life escapes through each back stab wound like a fleshy sieve, how much can one individual give
Just meaningless crumbs aren't attractive, I'm a no good, very bad human representative
So primitive, the smooth brain collective not selective enough to be proactive instead of reactive
The crazies run the nut house and the clubs exclusive, drunk off two fifths, the front doors elusive
I'm no detective, I just hope my karma is something I can outlive

Dark thoughts are combative, my own mind is abusive, held captive with no clear motive
The rush from anger becomes addictive even when self destructive
The me I want to be has lost all adhesive and every step towards a concept that moves forward feels counterproductive
From my perspective I should embrace the paradox, go back in time and hand my mom a contraceptive
I'd rather not exist than to be a relative to this bloodline that feels radioactive
But what's the alternative, trading one mess for another is gonna get repetitive
And every time, the byproduct gets more carossive, the rust forms a husk that falls away exposing the explosive
One that goes off erratically 'cause real change isn't a newspaper, or soothsayer, real help is expensive

Hand me that sedative, this repetitive narrative is too intensive, Lucifer's obsessive and I, compulsive
Destructive to a fault and so one sided I'm not even competitive
A cognitive function nowhere near adaptive, straight to punishment, bypassing corrective
Leaving me to always be on the defensive but that alone will fail to be effective
At least for the collection of the negative that is a bigger percentage of the me that's reflective
One of a fugitive on the run from my formative years, all the hardwired fears still active
Each with a different authoritative directive and all for the worse, who the hell's even driving this locomotive?
My words sound figurative, at least enough to label it an overactive imagination, so creative
But it's imperative that this is looked at as informative, a documentary type narrative

CAUSE I SWEAR IT IS

©2023
Jeremy Betts Mar 2024
It'd be easier to go dumb
Braindead for fun
Explore comfortably numb
In a rarely clear cranium
Wide open space for wild thoughts to run
But now for the unforseen repercussion
Situation recognition
I can ONLY run
No place to hide, not a single one
Wrestlin' fear and confusion
With an empty win column
Lost it all, never won
Disproportionate portion
What's been done,
Can not be undone
Sit with the problem
In complete isolation
The expectation?
Come to some useful revelation
The pressure feeds off the anticipation
The anticipation breeds a host and parasite type immersion
But reality rushes in with it's own complication
Breaking then adding it's own tension
Followed by a surge of logic and reason
As I,
Yet again,
Come to the same conclusion
The sum of all my fears run the asylum
And I've been locked in here with 'em
A casualty of my reality inside a broken system

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2024
Self destruction
With no red button
Internal spontaneous combustion

A flipped switch
Quick curve ball pitch
Veered straight for the ditch

No countdown timer
No red, no blue wire
Just a smoldering dumpster fire

Struggle with each next breath
Welcoming a last breath
A timeless back and forth with death

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 2024
Oh, you hate me?
Well don't worry
Cause see, I also hate me
More than you could ever hate me
Trust me
The line starts back there at mile marker three

"So, why do you hate you?"
Seemed like the popular thing to do
I mean, what was I supposed do, just stew?
When everyone hates you
The problem is probably you
And it's just easier to go with the crowd
Who knew?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2024
I've run out of sheep to count
Leaving me wide awake through this living nightmare
Sowing a seed of doubt
Is life's refusal to even consider fighting fare
Each step taken while walkin' about
Feeds on the back of my mind, whispering, "do it if you dare"
Fueling despair
Instigating internal warfare
Causing excessive ware and tare
Resulting in a head of hair gone bare
And I'm forced to bite my tongue completely off
To keep from admitting I no longer care

©2024
Jeremy Betts Aug 2024
Quicksand foundation
Holding on by a strand of frustration
I sacrifice that hand, call it a mutation
Where will I land?
Your guess is as good as my last one,
And that wasn't one I could count on

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 2024
"Choose your battles wisely"
That's what every they say repeatedly
Could never naysay exclusively
But could say it absolutely might turn gale force to breezy
It would earn a win column that's mostly empty,
Some much needed tally marks in a hurry, though not in a flurry
Admittedly, that's not necessarily necessary nor would it come anywhere near a reality
Because honestly, even a visionary wouldn't be able to foresee a victory
It's looking to be mostly negativity
As far as the third eye can see
So the convoluted parlor tricks hit particularly sloppy
A complete absence of accuracy
The glass crystal ball looking back blindly
Really, all that's needed is to recap some history
Finding quickly,
A guess holds the same weight as that forgery
More importantly
Pay attention,
Who holds the pen
And
Who writes the story

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 2024
I'm not afraid of gods
Not particularly afraid of man
The ones that give me pause
Are the ones who think they themselves
Are made in the image of their gods
Gods by association, what are the odds?
They will stop at nothing
To hide the fact
They're both a fraud
I swear to god

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 12
The monsters quickly collect under the bed
Graduating faster to free range demons roaming the head
Diabolical shadows lurking on the perimeter of the peripheral
Becoming a something far to real to think it still impossible
Unlike fear and loathing, fear and logic are seldomly seen traversing side by side
The unnatural occurrence of an unnecessary ride

By the time an oblivious mind realizes the kamikaze danger
The digits it controls are busy pulling out each heartbreak dagger
Those select few that came through the front from the  back
Create tallies in scar form that are starting to overlap as they stack
Teetering on life's edge as it dares me to take that final step over
Finding it impossible not to follow the devil when there's one on each shoulder
Jeremy Betts Jun 2024
I can only be the me I don't want me to be
I see what I want but can't have what I want to see
Taking a knee to self-loathing, abandoning self-loyalty
The pitiful pity the fool, it make sense then they'd pity me

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 2024
I don't want to die
But every night
I wish to not wake up
I wish to no longer fight

©2024
Jeremy Betts Oct 2024
Waste not these salty tears
On bygones and yesteryears
For moments when the past steers
It often veers
In and out of easily rekindled fears

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jun 2024
You can not break
What's already been broken
You can not recall
What's never been spoken
You can not run
When the spirits been stolen
Is there no hope left
To put any hope in?

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jul 2024
Every now and then,
I'm hit with raw, overwhelming emotions
Doesn't matter when,
Feelings brought in are habitual Trojans
That's just how it's been,
Recklessly driving these knee-**** reactions
And here I am, once again,
Arriving on the scene of irrational explosions
No one but me noticin',
I'm left to bleed out anytime my heart opens
Dark thoughts start creepin' in,
The next door to close might be the stage curtains

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2024
No one paid no mind
To the tears from this man
That land at my feet
Creating a quicksand
I couldn't slow the rate
At which it would expand
Leading to the scars
At the base of each hand
I know what you think of me
But this wasn't part of the grand plan
I tried and as usual
I was not able
To help you understand
That I just wasn't capable
Of being a "real man"

©2024
Jeremy Betts Aug 2024
Will tonight be the night
I give up the fight?
Come to think of it
We don't have the right
To extinguish our own light
And for those who do
Compassion can be so finite
Gotta wait for hindsight

©2024
Jeremy Betts Sep 2024
The air feels thick
Like a wall of brick
A platform 9 3/4's trick
Can't KoolAid man this ****t
Afraid to sit,
But I do,
I'm forced to,
So I stew on it
Desperate
I try the old Wile E Coyote bit
That classic ACME shtick
But what quality "tunnel black" paint kit did I get?
Some off brand garbage,
Now it's twice as thick

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 2024
I don't want to fuuck around
I rather not find out
I don't want to hear I'm not doing what I need too
But if I don't I might never win a bout
This isn't a warning or challenge
I don't want to prove what I'm about
I've gone toe to toe with life all my life
I wouldn't mind a little mid season drought

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2024
Trying to find shades of myself
In the simple black and white
Trying to wade out in the middle
Of a basic wrong and right
Maybe I will or maybe I won't
But maybe I just might
I want to live in the twilight
There's too much darkness in the light

©2024
Jeremy Betts Feb 2024
I sit and think of thoughts of you
Some days a lot, most nights a few
But not of past things we've gone through
Not of things we said we'd get around to
Not of things we always planned to do
Because all that's left are things I wish were not true
Those are the only thoughts I have left of you

2024
Jeremy Betts Jul 2024
The past haunts,
The future taunts
Leaving one to be the sorry,
Lowly, lonely,
Monkey in the middle amongst the what-nots
I'm not a fan of this short story of hollow dots and vague plots
One man's constant nightmarish thoughts
Are anothers breaking point spots

©2024
Jeremy Betts Sep 2024
If you still love me
I beg you never let me know
Refrain from turning around
Let me find my peace in watching you go
The moment you're lost to the horizon
Reclaimed by the setting suns glow
I'll mutter to myself out loud
"Now you can let the tears flow"

©2024
654 · Dec 2024
~•§•~ Dummy ~•§•~
Jeremy Betts Dec 2024
She close fist punches me
Open hand slaps me repeatedly
Throws shiit at me
And still expects respect
Out of me
Like I'm some kind of nuthouse dummy
I must be
My own quest enemy...

©2024
Jeremy Betts Mar 2018
One thing I don't have is that all important "it", I've never possessed "it"
But I'd let "it" possess me just to be allowed the opportunity to feel "it"
But I don't get "it" and I know I won't get "it", I don't understand "it" can't put my finger on"it"
Every aspect of "it" is completely foreign to me and to be honest, to my knowledge, I can't say I've ever even witnessed "it"
Is "it" the forest I can't see through the trees or have I been standing right in front of "it"
Sense of smell can't track "it" with the sent of my own **** on my knees to mask "it"
Completely oblivious to "it". Would do no good to show me "it" cause I'm blind to "it"
I don't trust "it", can't even find "it" to have the opportunity to put my faith in"it"
Actually, I'm not sure if you add to "it", take from "it"or let "it" run "its" course and not touch "it"
There's also a chance that "it" is something I should run and hide from so I'm not sure that if I did get "it" I'd want to keep "it"
Zero knowledge on "it" so no solid opinions can be drawn from "it" but I will say this about "it"
I don't believe "it" nor do I believe in "it", there's so much that I don't know about "it"
Can't achieve "it", never even had a little bit of "it", couldn't ever grasp "it" so "it" was able to get out of hand quick
I guess if you consider **** "it" then I've had a life time full of "it"
Still alive despite of "it", don't know if I defeated "it" or survived "it"
How can I tone "it" down when I'm not even the slightest bit aware of "it"
I only claim to have planned "it" but I've never even had a hand in "it"
I wonder if there is a kit I can get? I don't care if there is assembly required, I need "it"
Well, they need me to need "it"
At least that's what I'm told about"it", try to convince me of "it"
It'd be my luck that I'd get "it" but with no instructions for "it"
On the plus side, you can't lose "it" if you've never had "it"
But standing motionless I'll never get close to "it", maybe I'm afraid of "it"
Please, is there someone there that can explain "it" in simple enough terms to clarify "it"?
No? Then fuuck "it" and the idea of "it", I'm done chasing "it"
Truth be told, I'm not gonna sign for "it",  didn't sign up for "it", never even wanted "it",
Especially if "it" doesn't even exist on this planet, pointless to go after "it", why chance "it"?
So before I could find "it" I'm already done and over "it", can no longer go along with "it"
"It's" behind me, I see "it" clearly in the rearview of my u-haul, I've moved on from "it"
Left "it" at the last rest stop, never to go back to "it" or look back on "it"
Forget about"it", not falling for "it" again, miss me with all that bull shiit...I'm out of "it"

©2018
Jeremy Betts Sep 2024
A wrong way trend setter
In my own personal time line
Can't say I didn't know better
Each decision was mostly mine
Goals for someone not a go getter
Become the shackles that bind
Having to eat my words for dinner
I fear sitting down to dine

©2024
Jeremy Betts Nov 2024
I wish you were a better liar
Because I'm able to see right through
This half baked gaslight fire
"It's not me, it's you" you spew
Then sit back and admire
The hell you put me through
Knowing your favorite reaction's about to transpire
A knee **** wish for an end I feel is past due
Triggering thoughts that are dire
And when I think I've reached peak punishment
It's nothing new
To be kicked when I'm down
Pushing the bar ever higher

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 2024
I've fought a lot to get it out, tried to keep it out, but I can not
I scream and shout,
"WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?"
Even post realization that it's all for nought
Had an ill advised, never properly revised, recurring thought
Form an in home gym enterprise to exercise demons on the spot
More issues to stack like russian dolls is all I ever got
Caught each slow kiiller by keepin' it in house to follow the origin plot
Scrip changes happen often regardless of what me, myself or I want
Zero red yarn supplied, can't attempt a connection with any new dot
I play my part in my story as the man forgiveness forgot
Both what I keep in and what spills out identified as the source of the rot

©2024
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