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you turn to me but i'm not there
i'm drowning
i told you but you couldn't listen
the thoughts won't make sense
none are clear
they're surrounding
encompassing and unnerving
if i take one last breath
would you notice the body
folded neatly
lying under the baggage
you placed on my back
i can no longer support myself
but you won't take the load
stuck inside your head
and i'm stuck with you
if i stop speaking
i'll stop breathing
so i'll carry on until my
fingers are shaking too much
from lack of oxygen
or sometimes too much
i can hear my breathing
speeding up faster
ready to take off and
fly away with what's left of
my soul and spirit
that you didn't crush
still going as i recognise
the dizzy daze i'm falling into
waiting to collapse in
on myself for maybe
the last time
for a while at least
we both know it won't happen
because of you
i couldn't however much you
argue and scream and shout
or maybe it's because of her
calming my mind
ok i have to stop now
i told you it would get too much
once again i say
i'm sorry
remember me
or the old me
if you can
it wasn't your fault
pre crippling panic attack
With all the glow
Of San Francisco
Lighting up your face
Highlighting in lightning
Every word you say
I heard it then
Clear as day
“Something’s coming.”
Don’t forget it
Don’t you dare neglect it
And by God may you never try to perfect it
i don’t ever listen
to anything you say.
i can’t help it
when your smile turns my way.

how do you expect me to hear
the words you’re directing to me,
when a laugh accompanies it
and it’s all i can see?
Your words are like a bitter juice I can't swallow
Stuck there, Hanging in mid-air
I can't understand it
It rings in my ears again and again
But it makes no sense
My mind is becoming numb from hearing your voice
Like eating something so spicy you can't feel your tongue
Like your fingers on the coldest day of winter
You keep touching them yet it feels like their not yours
Like not feeling a cut
But when I realized it
It was too late
The cut was bleeding out
It felt like you pressed a lemon against it
And rubbed the salt in
~10/4/21
Am I going to say what I'm talking about in this poem?
No, because I don't even know what I'm talking about..
Choose Love over Fear.
Choose Love over Fear.

How do I know which one is which?
Can I choose fear and love actively together?

My daunting question is,
Can I lose myself due to love?

Well, my dear.
Do not listen to your fear.

The Universe notices bravery
when you take a leap
in love,
and trust yourself.

That is, what she awaits for you.
For what ever decision you make,
to trust yourself.

The Universe hears you,
but she is waiting for you to listen.

To stop asking everyone around,
for the answers you seek within.

Listen to your inner knowing.

To trust.
To choose love.
To Be brave,
and you will not be disappointed
in what awaits.

When you trust yourself,
and act in love,
Love only expands from here,
my darling.
I'm not just listening to words,
I'm also listening to the use of your words,
Your tone of voice,
The way your body moves,
I'm listening for those subtle ****** expressions you make,
I watch your hands and i watch your eyes.
I listen to your eyes
And i hear everything you don't say in words!
Estel Mar 10
Should I even try to speak
When you don’t hear me
My words don’t “benefit” you
Like your friends do

I want to tell you I’m weak
Like a plant in the storm that bends
I can only bend so far under the pressures

But you would just blow it off
Maybe you can’t take the stress of it all
You don’t want to bear mine
But I think of ur friends
You listen to them…
Maybe I'm forgetting the times
you’ve listened to me rant
Maybe I’m expecting too much from you

But it still hurts when you don’t even look my way…
It’s never perfect
But is it supposed to feel this lonely?

Maybe I’m not good enough
I don’t deserve love
I’ve made mistakes
Piled higher than the mountains
Would you forgive me if I let go?
Because I can’t see the love...
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