All your friends are demons, I think I know
The past won’t let you settle as you grow
You don’t feel you can make life-changing moves
Half your life to fighting terrors you lose
There’s little you can do to take control
Put your smile hidden in a pigeonhole
Your emotions decline into freefall
Let’s give your heart and soul an overhaul
I can give you all the tools you will need
The hunger that dwells inside I will feed
I can give you love and trust hereafter
I can turn the pain and tears to laughter
I’ll help reach in to find the real you
Harmonizing with congenial you
We will fight, we’ll curse, we’ll scream, we will cry
In this war it’s only the past will die
Now and then, when they rear their ugly head
I’ll be there to put those demons to bed
When you say maybe I don’t understand
I will simply be there to hold your hand
"I woke up."
And wished I was dead.
"I walked through the house."
Like a zombie.
"I kissed and hugged my mother."
And my body was in so much pain.
"I ate my breakfast."
And felt sick to my stomach.
"I grabbed my clothes and got dressed."
But I stared at my scars and cuts first.
"I started my schoolwork."
And wished I could disappear.
"I turned in assignments."
But I already knew what my grades would be.
"I ate lunch; I had a sandwich."
I didn't want to eat. Why do they make me?
"I went back and did more school."
And wished I wasn't alive; did I mention that already?
"I did my chores."
And thought of all the ways I could leave.
"I ate dinner."
Because they always make me eat.
"I did more school until ten."
Then collapsed into bed, not wanting to exist.
"I laid in my bed wide awake, thinking, until about two a.m."
I didn't want to sleep 'cause I don't like nightmares.
"I thought about life, conversations, etc."
Ways I could off myself, why I hate myself, etc.
"I finally fell asleep around two-fifteen."
The nightmares get worse and worse.
Please don't make me do it again.
I don't want to live another day.
Please don't make me live life.
"Then the day started again when I woke up at about five."
In my dreams, we are giants
with palms wide enough to hold the earth in,
keeping it still, freezing the human
machinations below and watching them
run about like ants when we let go.
In my dreams, you take the stars
out of my eyes and put them
in your mouth, constellations on
your tongue that I can't make out, and then
we make out, those stars mingling
between us, sizzling and sharp, cutting
the insides of my cheeks like razor blades.
In my dreams, you are hungry
and cruel, so when I wake up to the ruins
of a love that looks more like a suicide
attempt than a refuge, I find myself
wishing you had the decency to hate me.
In my dreams, we're nightmares.
In my dreams, you set everything on fire.
In my dreams, smoke curls down our throats,
and in the morning, you taste like ash.
The ravels in my sleeve of care
Grow longer every night-
Especially in the morning
When I struggle back to sleep
From waking up too early
Only to be bushwhacked
By brigades of unsolved problems,
Battalions of frustration
And whole Armies of defeatment
Marching out to meet me.
While you’re asleep your secret mind
Is solving all the puzzles
That unhinge the hours when you’re awake
And dodging slings and arrows.
That is the scholar’s promise.
That is what the con men say
In psychiatric clinics
Where they write the books
Explaining what it means to fly
And why we never land when falling.
Sleep refreshes and renews-
At least that is the theory.
It’s not supposed to wear you out
And beat you down while dreaming
Out the scripts you didn’t write.
When the raveling is complete
And both my sleeves have come undone
Will I dream of flowered fields
And happy times, successes and rewarding
Or will it end and I no longer dream at all.
roaming heedlessly with an
aching soul quenching to be freed
a fizzled out life for the cost of nothingness
his willingness has been tossed
in pursuit for peace in times like these
to appease this restless heart from a senseless
act from which i was racked
Oh Beautiful Blissful Dreams
have come and gone to the point
of no return i yearn to sleep forever more
to escape my groans and feel at ease once more
his solitude reality that his nightmare has
become his lit fuse wishing to be spared
from the glare but thrown into this world
he must fend for his own
Hand in hand with a bottle of
Celebrex i will cause a wreck
with a lasting effect with no regret
but except to reflect my last sunset
with words unsaid
I feel dead inside, as if someone put their hands inside my soul and
ripped it from me whole. You took everything and left nothing in
return. I want my life back, I want to breathe again, I want to feel
alive again. I've been dead since you left. Now tell me beautiful
tragedy, if I look to the sky, and the bare moon does not cry your
absence inside these four walls, then who will mourn your loss.
Who will break down inside and write your name in the still of
the night, with nightmares made of stars, if not me, then who.
You owe me
Both you and mum
Made my life hell.
I was only six when it began.
If people knew the horrific details
They would be shocked .
Something out of a horror movie
You are gone Mum
But dad is still here .
He has dementia.
You molested me dad
When I was 14
Touching me up .
My life is unpleasant
I suffer from depression.
You Mum stole my childhood
How can I ever get that back.
My heart is crushed.
I want back the childhood I never had.
And money won't ever make up for that.
I lay my head down to rest,
Knowing I will be safe
With you asleep by my side.
But as I drift away,
The demons wrap their hands around me,
Trapping me in their dreadful shadows.
Such grotesque creatures,
Pulling and tugging at my body,
Fighting over my soul like a plaything.
With fingers that are glacial,
They freeze my pure heart
And shatter it to the point of no repair.
Trembling with fear,
Afraid of being trapped in their shadows forever,
I scream and scream.
Searching for even a glimmer of hope,
I faintly hear your heartbeat
And I wake to find myself safe and sound
Next to you.
When what we see is real,
We sculpt perfection
Hunt us by night,
Masked behind shadows,
Of trees along the road to a cemetery
The lady in a white dress,
Bare feet, boiling skin
Her long dark hair
Slutty all over her face
And a butcher's knife,
Shining under a moonlight
That is not blood, right?
And why is she walking this way?
A tapestry of mosaics,
Of Autumn leaves,
Floating down calm waters
rays of a morning sun
The lady in a black dress,
Out the river of youth
Her crystal skin,
With a radiant smile
And wet golden hair,
Down her shoulders,
With splashing waters
As she walks towards me,
Am I happy or sad?