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Kat 10h
Maybe it was just a dream
I wake from nightmares
Of appointments, of arguments,
Of doctors, of dentists,
Of PT, of pain
But when I open my eyes I realize
None of it was real
And relief seeps through every
Pore of my skin
Washes over my body
Like the first summer rain
It felt so real
But it wasn't real
Just a dream
And I am safe

Maybe it was just a dream
Opening my eyes to frantic faces
Going to school the next day
Cause I thought I was ok
Weeks of x-rays and stories to explain
Weeks of eating food through a straw
Weeks of hardly talking at all
Months of pretending I was all right
When every new symptom
Showed I was not
Followed by
Months of not knowing what was wrong
Could be a concussion, could be anxiety,
Could be stress or a vitamin deficiency
Months of anxiety
I feel like it's severe
Months of pills and uncertainty and fear
Every day
Now dictated by worry
How much should I do?
Can I exercise again?
Why does my head still hurt?
Why why why why WHY
A never-ending cycle
While life is passing me by

But then I realize
It wasn't just a dream
The appointments, the arguments,
The doctors, the dentists,
The PT, the pain
It is all real
And the relief I feel
Just as quickly abates
Replaced by a terror
I cannot quell
As worries flood into
My wandering mind
Just another day
I have to get through
It is never just a dream
If things would get bad
“Push it to the pack of your head”
But I will never forget
Bad memories, Bad karma, Bad friends
But I will never regret
Bad things, bad dreams
It's bad in my head
Repeat something over and over
And we forget what it means
This time around
when they said you were bad for me
A bell did not ring
He hit me once
Ding ding ding
He is bad
But it means nothing to me
Should I bring a résumé  of my dreams
to the publishing company on West 38th?

An abstraction of when my teeth
crumble like pastels, or summaries of my
vocal cords seeking air through a taut fabric.
I’ve achieved piercing silence in a room of white noise.

I have an impressive inventory of witnessing infidelity.
once, we were both in between romantic partners.
I was awakened by the taste of copper
from biting the inside of my cheek.
It looked worthy of an aged Merlot.

My most admirable skill is prediction.
I can sense a mass shooting or the expiring heart of a loved one.
but I usually float like an island over the scene
because my biggest weakness is lacking density.

I always hated the sound that door made.
Whether you closed it fast or slow, the sound of the creak was always the same.
A signal, warning you not to proceed.

But you weren’t scared, you’ve done this many times before, to where you can’t remember,
and the hand holding yours, is a hand you’ve held before.

And the cement steps that led to the darkness,
felt warm and so welcoming.
It felt a little bit like coming home.
That’s all I remember.

It is here I woke up
The silence awoke me,
My feet were wet and cold,
my hand no longer recognized the hand that I hold.
As if it felt that moment I realized I’m in danger,
The hand would disappear, and I was left alone.

I was frozen.
I started to scream but nothing came out.
I shook from my fear and dashed towards the stairs, as if in danger.
I always expected something to pull me back.
The door felt so far.
darkness encases me

reaching out
into nothing

attempts to end my descent

ringing fills my ears
my eyes open to the world

i feel no relief
Sienna Dec 7
Adrenaline pumping into my heart
False hallucinations in the dark
Dread and haunt fills the air
What is that over there?
Half asleep, I can't stay awake
My eyes should've for my sake
My dreams take me by the hand
And throw me into a horrific land
The fear built on possibilities
And instilled in realities
Sleep paralysis joins in too
I'd rather be sleep deprived completely, wouldn't you?
werdnaZ Dec 2
Wide-eyed nights, exhausted mornings
Mourning the loss of my dreams
My dreams transform to nightmares
Dreams used to unfold like sweet candy
and vanish before you can get a real taste
Now they bleed all night long
An open wound, raw and real as nightmares
Kaylee Dec 1
The chains hang on the floor
The pain of my past locks them back into place
My past mocks me
They harass me I’m useless they say
As I lay lifeless on the cold floor
They blindfold me, it’s dark
They flog me with words
They insert their truth of me
I miss my careless youth
When I had a shameless mind
At the same time, I was blind from the world
Now I am labeled as evil by my own mind
Andrew Nov 26
I am haunted in my sleep
By a series of surreal scenarios
I have a nightmare problem
A mare is a malicious goblin
And the night is when he visits me
He straddles my chest
Until my brain divests
All my hopes and comforts
Replacing them with fear
My body he magically steers
With his mystic voodoo potions
Through the mountains and oceans
So I wake up cold and wet
And a negative mood is set
For all day I constantly fret
Worried of the goblin I’ve met

My tormentor rides a steed
Through the field of dreams
Of my unconscious stream
Showing me sights I’ve seen
And that my plight’s unclean
By displaying giant girders
Keeping me trapped with murderers
And people I love
Giving me shoves
My dreams compare pain
To dying in an airplane
How many miles will it travel
Until my brain finally unravels?

I live in a flurry
Of a world of worries
Where I must always scurry
So when I sleep
I need to escape
But the goblin creeps
In my meek state
It causes deep hate
The inability to relate
And a singular choice to deflate

Negativity has me bested
When I’m not well rested
From my mind infested
After the demon tested
The bed that I’ve nested

The nightmares I’m catching
Seem to get quicker
The pain that they’re hatching
Makes my light flicker
While I hear trolls snicker
As the time on my ticker
Keeps counting down
No matter how much I bicker
I still hear their sounds

The demon imp
Gave me a limp
To make me a wimp
Cowering from the flak shroud
That is my black cloud
The goblin slapped down
I want to back down
But there’s no back now
Once my mind’s a packed town
From all the goblins I’ve found
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